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Date: June 23, 2003
Host: Lee Borden View Transcript | Archive Index For All Legal Chats The statistics are discouraging: a third or more of all marriages end in divorce. Individuals usually don't get married with the anticipation of ending the union. Divorce can be difficult, confusing and disheartening. Join family law attorney Lee Borden on June 23 at 9 p.m. Eastern time (8 Central, 6 Pacific) for a discussion on divorce or other family law legal issues. I help people who are going through divorce. I'm a lawyer and divorce mediator, living and working in Birmingham, Alabama. I’m proud to be the webmaster of www.divorceinfo.com, the comprehensive Internet destination for people struggling with divorce. I LOVE my work.
Divorce sucks. There’s just no way around that. What I work to do (and I’m proud to say what Prairielaw.com works to do) is to figure out ways for people to help other people get through the crud of divorce and move on with their lives.
My primary concentration is helping people take control of their divorce by providing as much information as I can, using as many channels as I can. In the process, I’m always learning something new. You can find out all you want to know about me, my family, my mission, and what makes me tick, at http://www.divorceinfo.com/whosincharge.htm.
Live Chat Transcript Date: Monday, June 23, 2003
Topic: Divorce & Family Law
Denise LDC: "Hello! Welcome to the Divorce & Family Law chat with attorney Lee Borden. The chat will begin at 9 PM ET and last one hour."
Denise LDC: "We will take questions based on the order of entry."
cuddly: "THANK YOU."
Denise LDC: "Justcolleen's question will be first followed by Luvs_scarry_movies, cuddly and then Armand808"
Denise LDC: "The chat appears to be shaping up as a busy one tonight so I'll ask that you ask your most "pressing" question followed by a follow-up so everyone has an opportunity to dialogue with attorney Borden."
justcolleen: "Child support question: We (me and the children) live in Iowa. Ex lives in California, owes almost $40,000. To hire an attorney, do I need one in IA or CA?"
Denise LDC: "Justcolleen, please wait with your question until I call on you."
justcolleen: "(sorry)"
Denise LDC: "Attorney Borden will only be able to see the text in the room from the point of his arrival but nothing prior."
Denise LDC: "Thanks."
Denise LDC: "Cuddly, I would ask that you check to be sure your cap lock key is turned off. Messages in all capital letters are harder to read and, on the Internet, is the same as shouting. Thanks."
cuddly: "I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 11 YEARS AND HAVE TWO SMALL CHILDREN. I'M NOT CURRENTLY WORKING BECAUSE OF THE DEPRESSION THAT I'M CURRENTLY SUFFURRING CAUSING ME NOT TO REMEMEBER CERTAIN THINGS AND BECAUSE OF THE JOINT PROBLEMS THAT I'M HAVING . MY HUSBAND AND I ARE THINKING ABOUT DIVORCE, CAN HE TAKE THE CHILDREN AWAY FROM ME JUST BECAUSE HE FEELS THAT I'M LOSING MY MINE?"
cuddly: "sorry"
Denise LDC: "Everyone, please wait to post your message until I call on you. Attorney Borden can only see the text submitted "after" he enters the room - nothing prior."
Denise LDC: "Hi, Mackj. Welcome to the Family Law chat with attorney Borden. We will be taking questions based on the order of entry. I will call on you when it is your turn to submit your question."
Denise LDC: "I appreciate everyone's patience tonight -"
Denise LDC: "Hello, C.A. Dad. Welcome to the Family Law Chat with attorney Lee Borden."
Denise LDC: "As soon as attorney Borden arrives, we will begin. Please note that we are taking questions based on the order of entry and that I will call on you when it is your turn to submit your question."
Denise LDC: "Everyone, if you will prepare your question but don't hit the "enter" or "send" key until I call on you, it would really help keep things moving. Thanks."
Denise LDC: "The line-up to begin is: Justcolleen, luvs_scarry_movies, cuddly, Armand808, Mackyj and then C.A. Dad."
Armand808: "what time is it on the east coast?"
Denise LDC: "It is a few minutes before 9."
Denise LDC: "At least on my clock ..."
Armand808: "oh, ok, thanks, I'm in Hawaii"
Denise LDC: "Lucky you! Armand!"
Lee Borden: "Hi Denise,"
Denise LDC: "Hi, Lee!"
Lee Borden: "Hi everybody."
Denise LDC: "Looks to be a busy night!"
Lee Borden: "Excellent."
Denise LDC: "Everyone ready?"
Lee Borden: "Ready"
Denise LDC: "Justcolleen - you're up first, please go ahead."
justcolleen: "Child support question: We (me and the children) live in Iowa. Michigan divorce/child support order, Michigan gave jurisdiction to Iowa. Ex lives in California, owes almost $40,000 in back support. To hire an attorney (to enforce child support - contempt, etc.), do I need one in IA or in CA?"
Denise LDC: "(Luv_scarry_movies, your turn will be up after Justcolleen. Please have your message prepared but do not send until I call on you. thanks.)"
Lee Borden: "Sounds like everything is now in IA, so you should hire a lawyer in IA. The lawyer"
Lee Borden: "will get service on Dad in CA, and then he will have to come to IA to respond to your claim."
justcolleen: "Thank you. Can I ask an additional question, or should I wait until everyone's had a turn?"
Lee Borden: "IA will retain continuing and exclusive jurisdiction now as long as you or your child still lives there."
Lee Borden: "Sure. Shoot."
Denise LDC: "Just colleen - you can have a follow-up."
justcolleen: "Is aiding and abetting prosecuted in child support cases very often?"
Denise LDC: "Hi, JuJuB. Welcome to the Family Law chat will Lee Borden. We are taking questions based on the order of entry. I will call on you when it is your turn to post a question. Thanks for waiting."
Lee Borden: "I'm not familiar with it, so it must not be something done often."
justcolleen: "Thanks. I appreciate you help. I'm done."
Denise LDC: "Luvs_scarry_movies - please go ahead."
luvs_scarry_movies: "My question is this, I have never had a problem sending my son's round trip airline ticket via. registered mail return reciept to my ex-husband. I had sent it to him on the 2nd. of this month and he received the notice of it on the 6th. He refused to sign for it and also refused my summer visitation with my 2 son's also when I call my 2 son's I hear him telling the boy's the sour puss it on the phone and when I try to make arrangments for the visitation he says it has to be his way or they don't come for the visit. He has also just handed the phone to our oldest son and would ask has she shut up yet. Also they are in fact going to a year round school which would mean I would only get to see our 2 son's for 1 week durring christmas break, and we live about 1000 miles apart.I have also found out that the babysister they use also drinks and drives with them in the car and they know about this also. Can I take him back to court to ask for a custody change? Also in the next few weeks I am thinking about hiring a lawyer, what would the chances be if I have a lawyer to get the custody to change over to me?"
Lee Borden: "I would think you would have a simple claim for back child support, which can be enforced in any of several ways."
Denise LDC: "Whoa!"
Denise LDC: "Quite a post there luvs -"
Denise LDC: "(cuddly, your question will be up next.)"
Lee Borden: "Okay, luvs,"
luvs_scarry_movies: "sorry"
Lee Borden: "I suggest you take it one step at a time. First you need to get a regular visitation pattern going. Spend some time with your children"
Lee Borden: "and make sure they know Mom is not an ogre."
luvs_scarry_movies: "we had a reg. visitation set up"
luvs_scarry_movies: "I would have them for almost 8 weeks in the summer and every other christmas"
Lee Borden: "I don't have an easy answer for you about the year-round school; that's going to be a tough issue for a lot of NCP's in the next few years."
Lee Borden: "My guess is that going for custody is premature, but I don't know all the facts of your case."
luvs_scarry_movies: "our school is not on year round school and they dont plan on it"
Lee Borden: "But the one where your children attend is on year round sessions, right?"
luvs_scarry_movies: "not yet first year"
luvs_scarry_movies: "starting july 21"
Lee Borden: "Okay, I guess I misunderstood."
Lee Borden: "I would keep a journal of all the things Dad is doing that come between you and the children. You may never use it, but it"
Lee Borden: "will help to have your facts straignt if that ever becomes important."
Lee Borden: "Okay, Denise?"
luvs_scarry_movies: "ok thank you"
Denise LDC: "Hello, Divorce-Lawyer. Welcome to the Divorce and Family Law Chat with Lee Borden. Interesting screen name."
Denise LDC: "Cuddly - your question is up next."
Denise LDC: "Please go ahead."
cuddly: "i have been married for 11 yrs. i have two small children. i'm not currently working because of the depression that i'm currently suffering causing me not to remember certain things.he feels that because i'm happy we should get a divorce does that make sense to you? what should i do?he's a truck driver and only home on the weekend and i spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with the children and i help them with everything including chores homework and changing diapers"
Lee Borden: "Wow Cuddly,"
Denise LDC: "Divorce-Lawyer, we take questions based on the order of entry. Will you have a question?"
Lee Borden: "I'm not sure I'm the right guy to answer your question."
Lee Borden: "In any event,"
cuddly: "how can i find out?"
Lee Borden: "if you have access to some counseling for yourself, it's hard for me to see how that would make this situation any worse,"
Lee Borden: "and it might just help you bring everything into focus."
Divorce-Lawyer: "This is my first visit to the chat."
Denise LDC: "Okay - nice to have you join us."
cuddly: "i am in counseling."
Lee Borden: "As you can probably understand, this chat isn't for marriage counseling, it's more for the legal and financial issues people face in divorce."
Divorce-Lawyer: "Thanks. I do not have any questions, but am more interested in what others may be asking."
cuddly: "my husband feels differnetly."
Lee Borden: "I'm glad to hear you're in counseling. My hope is that you can be totally honest with your counselor. Then maybe you and your counselor"
Denise LDC: "(Armand808, your question will be up next. Please be prepared. Thanks!)"
Lee Borden: "can figure out the best response to your husband."
Lee Borden: "Parenthetically, one thing that's safe to say about us men when we're in depression, is that we almost always decide the problem is"
cuddly: "i am a very honest individual and faithful and i don't understand him at times especially when i need him now more then ever."
Lee Borden: "somebody else in our life, often our wife. So it's possible this is your husband's stuff, not your stuff."
Lee Borden: "Good luck, Cuddly, and thanks for posting."
Lee Borden: "Denise?"
Denise LDC: "Armand808, please go ahead."
cuddly: "thank you."
Denise LDC: "Take care, cuddly."
Armand808: "Ok, simple question. I have been seperated for over 3 years. We both somewhat agree we can not afford to go to court. Finally she filed for uncontested, but I refused to sign because I did not get any custody. But now since Jan 2003 I pick them up regulary on weekends, and take them to doc appts and from school. Now I will file for uncontested divorce with my written visitation schedule, but now she refuses to cooperate. For one how do I state on the paperwork, that she wshe unwilling to file her part?"
Denise LDC: "After Armand will be Mackj followed by JuJuB."
Lee Borden: "I'm not sure I understand your question, Armand."
Lee Borden: "If you're asking how do you show that your wife didn't cooperate with your effort to get an uncontested divorce,"
Armand808: "ummm, thats ok, i will just observe for now"
Lee Borden: "I'm not sure you should even try."
Lee Borden: "If you're asking how do you describe a specific schedule of visitation, I would suggest that you write it down in layman's"
Armand808: "i want to file my own papers, yet i need some information on h er, yet she will not disclose her information"
Lee Borden: "language, and let the legalese take care of itself."
Lee Borden: "If you want to file papers and your wife won't cooperate, you may have no choice but to go ahead and file without her signature."
Denise LDC: "Hello, scottiec - welcome to the Divorce and Family Law chat with Attorney Lee Borden."
Lee Borden: "It will cost more more money, but if you want to divorce and your wife won't participate, I'm not sure you have much choice."
Denise LDC: "We are taking questions based on the order of entry. I will call on you when it is your turn to submit your question. Thanks for waiting."
Armand808: "ok, thanks Lee"
Lee Borden: "The way I often suggest to my clients to put it is this."
Lee Borden: "Wife, we're going to get a divorce. You don't have any influence over that decision."
Lee Borden: "But you do get to decide how. I know what I'd like for us to do."
Lee Borden: "I'd like for us to sit down and do this together and keep it dignified, quiet, and relatively inexpensive."
Lee Borden: "But if you want to, you can make it ugly and expensive and incredibly painful for both of us."
Lee Borden: "Like I say, I know what I hope you'll decide, but that's up to you."
Lee Borden: "Then you give her a couple of days to think about it."
Lee Borden: "That's the best I can come up with in the way of strategy."
Lee Borden: "Good luck, Armand."
Lee Borden: "Denise?"
Denise LDC: "Mackyj, please go ahead."
Armand808: "thanks"
Divorce-Lawyer: "Lee, Great advice and usually works"
Mackj: "I have just been summons for show cause for Non Payment of child support, I was working when the order was signed two days after I lost my Job it's been 4 months now. will I go to Jail for this?I am scare as hell. I go to court tomorrow in maryland"
Denise LDC: "JuJuB - your question will be up next."
JuJuB: "ok"
Mackj: "I still haven't found a Job"
Lee Borden: "Ooh, that's tough timing, and it's going to look VERY suspicious to the judge. You need to be loaded for bear and ready to demonstrate that"
Denise LDC: "Welcome back, scottiec."
Lee Borden: "you really did lose your job involuntarily. Meanwhile, you and your lawyer need to talk over how much you can afford to pay when you're in the courthouse."
Mackj: "can't even afford a lawyer"
Lee Borden: "I can't speak for your judge, but I know that most of the judges I work with would much rather keep somebody out of jail and making money unless they decide you really are trying to jerk them around."
Lee Borden: "If I were your lawyer (and I'm not), I would encourage you to consider SOME kind of employment (don the vest at McDonald's, do temp work, whatever) to demonstrate to the judge that you're trying to make some money and support your children."
Mackj: "Not me, I wrote the Judge and explain to him why I was unable to pay"
scottiec: "I have been seperated since March 2002 and filed for divorce in April 2003 also we have a 1 year old child together and she refuses to let me see him because her boyfriend does not want him around me and my girlfriend And she refuses to sign the divorce papers what can I do"
Denise LDC: "Scottiec, we're not quite ready for your question yet. Thanks for waiting."
Denise LDC: "I will call on you when it is your turn to submit your question and dialogue with attorney Borden."
Mackj: "by my explaining to him/her what do you think she/he might do?"
Lee Borden: "The judge isn't going to be persuaded by your letter stating that you can't pay. You'll need to show that you're trying to do SOMETHING to earn money and pay at least some kind of support."
Lee Borden: "Okay Denise?"
Mackj: "I don't mind working at Mickey D"
Mackj: "but they too are not hiring"
Denise LDC: "Okay - JuJuB - your turn has arrived. Please go ahead."
JuJuB: "Ok.. this is a long one...I'll break it up"
Lee Borden: "Then be prepared to show what you've done to try to find a job."
Mackj: "Thanks for the Advice"
JuJuB: "Need to determine if my question is a divorce issue or a real estate issue"
JuJuB: "My Fiance currently owns property with his ex-wife (they've been divorced for over 6 years). He is located in the state of Virginia but the ex-wife and property are in Florida. Both names are on the mortgage."
JuJuB: "The property was purchased by him for his wife and her children to live in after they separated. He never resided in the property. Ownership of the property was never addressed in their divorce decree."
JuJuB: "The ex-wife moved out and rented the property after she remarried. She claimed all tax benefits. My fiance had nothing to do with the property other than the fact that his name was also on the mortgage."
JuJuB: "Unfortunately the ex-wife had the tenants paying the mortgage directly to the lender and they became deliquent. My Fiance was unaware of this until last summer when he was contacted by the lender that the account was aging considerably."
JuJuB: "The ex-wife was in the middle of her second divorce and refused to pay for the mortgage so he has been making the payments for almost a year while the property sat vacant."
JuJuB: "The ex-wife now wishes to move back into the property and promises to make payments to the mortgage company."
Mackj: "sorry guys but thanks again, will contact you all tomorrow if I escape Jail. goodnite"
Denise LDC: "Good luck Mackj -"
JuJuB: "My Fiance would like her to refiance the property into her name alone. She claims she has tried and has been rejected. She refuses to apply for a high-risk loan or find a co-signer. He is concerned that once she has moved back in, she'll stop paying the mortgage (altogether or in a timely fashion) which puts his credit at risk."
JuJuB: "Should this be addressed as an addendum to their original divorce decree?"
Lee Borden: "Well first, JuJu, you need to decide if you really want to join your life with this guy. I know this sounds harsh, but this is a LOT of unfinished business."
Lee Borden: "Second, this is his problem and not yours, so the last thing you need to be doing is telling him what he should do about his ex-wife's liabilities."
Lee Borden: "Third, IF he were asking me the question, I would be telling him that he's been patient enough and that he needs to file an enforcement petition."
JuJuB: "I understand... I am just trying to help"
Lee Borden: "He needs to ask the judge to force his ex to sell this property as the only reasonable way to get his name off the loan."
JuJuB: "It is also his liability"
JuJuB: "his name is on the mortgage and he is financially responsible"
Lee Borden: "She's probably right; she really is unable to refinance the property, because her credit is shot."
Lee Borden: "So if she's going to get his name off the loan, it will be by selling the property."
JuJuB: "enforcement petition...?"
JuJuB: "do you mean file for partition?"
Lee Borden: "Based on experience, she's holding on to a piece of property she can't afford; that seems to be the crux of the problem."
Lee Borden: "In my state it's called "rule nisi." It's a petition to the court to enforce the terms of the original decree."
Lee Borden: "Your fiance would be asking the judge to force his ex to sell the property because she's not complying with her duty to make the mortgage payments."
JuJuB: "both are responsible to pay the mortgage"
JuJuB: "the duty is not hers alone"
JuJuB: "and it wasn't addressed at all in the original divorce decree"
Lee Borden: "But let me return to my first point. Are you SURE you want to join your life with his? You're not going to make him different by marrying him, you know."
Lee Borden: "I know that sounds harsh, but it sure scares me."
Lee Borden: "Okay, Denise?"
JuJuB: "thank you for your concern"
Denise LDC: "Scottiec, your turn has arrived."
scottiec: "I need to know what I can do about my wife and her boyfriend. Because she has recently broken into my and my girlfriends apartment. She sends her harassing letters, emails and even shows up at our apartment. We even have a restraining order but it is not helping. Because she will not give me a divorce and they will not allow me to see my son that I found out was mine about a month ago. After see threw me out of the house because the child was said not to be mine."
Denise LDC: "Hi, StacyG, welcome to the Divorce & Family Law chat with attorney Lee Borden. We are taking questions based on the order of entry. I will call on you when it is your turn to submit your question."
Denise LDC: "Hello to you, Dawn."
Lee Borden: "Is anybody taking this marriage seriously? Sounds like you've both moved on in every sense of the word!"
Lee Borden: "Okay, to the point."
scottiec: "I wanted to go to couseling but she refused to"
Denise LDC: "Stacy, your question will be up after Scottiec's question (which is now being discussed). Dawn, your question will follow Stacy's"
Lee Borden: "Talk to your lawyer about filing for divorce (sounds like that's long overdue) and including a claim for temporary orders."
scottiec: "I have she refuses to go because I am getting ready to go to Iraq"
Lee Borden: "The temporary orders you would be requesting would deal with child support, temporary custody, and visitation while you and your wife negotiate the other issues of your divorce."
Denise LDC: "Hello, Gingerdog. Nice to have you join us tonight. We are taking questions based on the order of entry. I will call on you when it is your turn to post. Thanks for waiting."
scottiec: "I am giving her 500 a month but she wants more she says"
Denise LDC: "(Stacy, please have your question ready to submit.)"
Lee Borden: "All the more reason to try to get something set up quickly so you can spend some time with your son before you ship out."
scottiec: "because of her car payment she got after we separted"
Lee Borden: "Good luck, Scott, and don't forget to duck."
Lee Borden: "Denise?"
justcolleen: "(*quietly* - I'm leaving and don't want to be rude and dart out the door. Thanks again.)"
Denise LDC: "Stacy - your question is up now. Please go ahead."
scottiec: "I have also found out that she has hooked electric up in m name because I got the bill yesterday what can i do about that"
Lee Borden: "Tell the power company that's not your residence and not your account. Ask them to shut it off."
Denise LDC: "VeeM - hello and welcome to the Divorce and Family Law Chat with Lee Borden. We are taking questions based on the order of entry. I will call on you when it is your turn to submit a question. Thanks for waiting."
Lee Borden: "Stacy?"
VeeM: "thanks"
Stacy G: "In CA if CP has denied all court ordered contact and all abuse allegations have been closed as unfounded can we ask for interim visits with kids as there has been no contact for over 10 months and CP keeps putting off court and changing attornies?"
Lee Borden: "I'm no CA lawyer, but it certainly sounds like it's time, yes."
Denise LDC: "(Dawn, your question is up next. Please be prepared. Thank you!)"
Lee Borden: "I would write a certified letter to the CP and name a time and place that's in compliance with the decree."
Denise LDC: "Onewhoneesherchild - hello."
onewhoneedsherchild: "hi"
Lee Borden: "If the children aren't there at the appointed time and place, note it in your journal."
Denise LDC: "We are taking questions based on the order of entry. I will call on you when it is your turn to submit a question. Thanks for waiting."
Lee Borden: "Then do it one more time. If CP does it twice in a row, then you're ready to file with the judge."
onewhoneedsherchild: "ok"
Lee Borden: "I sure hope you and CP can work this out. Seems a shame to go back to court over this."
Lee Borden: "Denise?"
Denise LDC: "Dawn, please go ahead."
Dawn_1970: "At what age can a child decide when they no longer want to do overnight visits with NCP?"
Denise LDC: "(Gingerdog, you will be up next. Thanks for being ready.)"
Stacy G: "Its a pattern Cp is severly PASing kids"
Denise LDC: "Thanks everyone for waiting and being prepared! It really helps!"
Lee Borden: "It varies. In my state, there is NO age at which a child gets to make that decision."
Lee Borden: "I assume you're the CP. If you are, your response should be, "Sorry, that's not our call. We just have to do what the judge ordered us to do."
Lee Borden: "Let the overnight fight be the child's, NOT yours."
Dawn_1970: "I did tell her that...but she is really upset about it"
Lee Borden: "You're the last one who needs to be in the middle of this."
Lee Borden: "Unless you're genuinely concerned for her safety,"
Lee Borden: "I would rather have an upset daughter than an upset judge."
Lee Borden: "Denise?"
Dawn_1970: "ok...thank you"
Denise LDC: "Gingerdog - your turn has arrived. Please go ahead."
Denise LDC: "VeeM, your question will be next followed by onewhoneesherchild. And that, will most likely take us to the end of the hour."
VeeM: "the petitioner ex-wife was a no show for the divorce contested meeting, the divorce was issue and ex-wife still wants to open the divorce case. State New Jersey"
Lee Borden: "Gingerdog?"
Denise LDC: "Ginger?"
Denise LDC: "Let's look at Vee's question -"
Lee Borden: "What's your question, Veem?"
Denise LDC: "And come back to Ginger."
VeeM: "I really need help"
Lee Borden: "What do you want to know?"
VeeM: "I need to know if she could open up the divorce case"
Lee Borden: "Judges HATE to grant divorces by default, so most judges I know would be inclined to allow her to introduce evidence if she had a decent excuse for missing the hearing."
Lee Borden: "If I were you I would assume for planning that she can indeed reopen it, unless your lawyer is telling you not to worry."
VeeM: "the lawyer called her and she never answer the phone call"
VeeM: "ok... thanks"
Denise LDC: "Hi, Candee. Welcome to the Divorce & Family Law chat with Lee Borden. We are taking questions based on the order of entry. We'll try to get to yours before the end of the chat at the top of the hour."
Lee Borden: "Called her? I guess you mean her lawyer called her."
Lee Borden: "I know if you call me during the day I wouldn't answer either, but that doesn't mean I'm a bad person. I'm just not there."
VeeM: "No my lawyer called her. She never contested the divorce"
Lee Borden: "Okay. Then I would go with your lawyer's appraisal of the likelihood that the judge will allow the case to be reopened."
VeeM: "nor did she called back to let them know if she could show up for the hearing"
Denise LDC: "Hi, Cymi. Welcome to the Divorce & Family law chat with Lee Borden. The chat will be ending at the top of the hour."
Lee Borden: "Denise?"
Denise LDC: "Ginger? Last chance ---"
Denise LDC: "Okay - onewhoneedsher child, please go ahead."
onewhoneedsherchild: "i want to know if i have a chance of getting custody of my child, i have a bad job history mostly because my husband did not want me to work now i work from home, what are my chances? and what do you think my outcome would be in the divorce over all"
Cymi: "ok"
Lee Borden: "Hi One,"
onewhoneedsherchild: "hi"
onewhoneedsherchild: "did you get my question?"
Lee Borden: "I would get your lawyer to print for you the list of factors the court will use to decide custody."
Lee Borden: "In every state, there's a list of factors set either by statute or by case law that judges apply in deciding where children should live."
onewhoneedsherchild: "state of fl"
Lee Borden: "Go down that list and prepare the best evidence you can on each point why you're a better choice than the other parent."
onewhoneedsherchild: "either i had to find a job where i could take her to work with me"
onewhoneedsherchild: "or i had to work around his our which were 3pm -11pm"
Lee Borden: "Then give it to your lawyer in a form the lawyer can use to present it in court."
onewhoneedsherchild: "or he would make me quit"
Denise LDC: "Canee, please prepare your question - you'll be up next."
onewhoneedsherchild: "woudl that effect the outcome?"
Lee Borden: "I would focus more on the present and the future, not so much on the past."
Lee Borden: "Okay, Denise. I know our time is drawing close."
onewhoneedsherchild: "thanks"
Denise LDC: "Yes, it is."
Denise LDC: "Canee, you're up."
Denise LDC: "Lee, will you be able to stay for Cymi's question?"
Lee Borden: "Yes, I think. Let's see how it goes."
Denise LDC: "Whoops - make that Cadee - please go ahead."
Denise LDC: "Cadee?"
Denise LDC: "Cadee, if you are wanting to submit a question, you'll need to do so or we'll have to move on."
Denise LDC: "Okay - Cymi - you're the last question for the night. Please go ahead."
Cymi: "my husb has 2 kids from prev marriage - 14 & 11. she left state, he filed for divorce and joint custody then moved to another state. she was gone 3 years, then followed to new state. then we moved to another state. she followed. she sees them anytime."
Cymi: "which is not too often. we want to move back to the other state and she says no way. what can she do?"
Lee Borden: "What"
Cymi: "do i need to rewrite it?"
Cymi: "sorry!"
Lee Borden: "It varies. You're raising a GREAT question as our last one for the night, dealing with a 50 cent term called "relocation.""
Denise LDC: "HI, Simoj and jazzman. Welcome to the Family Law chat with Lee Borden. Unfortunately, we are at the end of our time and on the last question."
Denise LDC: "Please feel free to use the Family Law message boards found here at the site or ...."
simoj: "oh i see"
Denise LDC: "Join us July 14th for our next Divorce & Family Law chat."
Lee Borden: "You need to first find out which state's law governs all of this, and the question is going to be a doozy. I would start with the last state that actally litigated this issue."
jazzman99: "ok , I'll check out the transcript later"
Cymi: "her visitation says very little since it was filed across state lines but he lets her see them whenever. the kids want to go with us"
Cymi: "ok"
Denise LDC: "The transcript will be available tomorrow."
Lee Borden: "If neither parent and none of the children lives in that state now, then jurisdiction PROBABLY reverts to the state where the children have lived for the last six months."
Lee Borden: "I'm guessing that's the state where Dad and the children live now."
Cymi: "ok yes"
Cymi: "az"
Lee Borden: "If that's the case, then you find an experienced family lawyer in that state who can advise you on the current approach that state is taking to relocation."
simoj: "how do I get to the board?"
Lee Borden: "In my state, for example, the legislature has just passed a statute that PRESUMES a move is NOT in the child's best interest and makes the CP"
Denise LDC: "Click on this link to take you to the listing of family law boards http://www.prairielaw.com/messageboards/list.asp#channel17"
Lee Borden: "PROVE that the move would be good for the child."
Lee Borden: "It's not a pretty picture for someone like your husband."
simoj: "Thanks"
Cymi: "yes"
Cymi: "do you think i can find some of this out over the phone?"
Lee Borden: "Particularly in a case like this, where it appears the NCP is attempting to stay close to the children and the CP keeps moving. At some point, the judge may say, well let's let them stay with Mom for awhile and see if she is more stable."
Lee Borden: "You certainly can find it out over the phone, but you may have to pay for the time."
Cymi: "i understand that. we've been here 4 1/2 years"
Lee Borden: "Okay Denise, this has been fun."
Lee Borden: "Are we out of time?"
Denise LDC: "We are -"
Denise LDC: "Thanks for the time tonight, Lee."
Cymi: "thank you for talkin g to me"
Denise LDC: "As always, it is a pleasure."
Lee Borden: "Pleasure for me too."
Denise LDC: "And, as I mentioned, the next scheduled chat is July 14th at 9 PM ET"
Lee Borden: "Good night Denise."
Lee Borden: "Good night everybody!"
Denise LDC: "Good night all!"
Denise LDC: "Thank you for joining us. I hope you found the information shared interesting and informative."
Mackj: "Thank you both"
Denise LDC: "Please do use the family law message boards for additional feedback."
Denise LDC: "Take care and have a good evening."
gingerdog: "Thank you. This is the first time for me and I look forward to the next one."
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