Amending a custody agreement?

     Can a settlement agreement in a divorce be amended if agreed to by both parties?

     Example: In our divorce settlement in 1994, each of us agreed NOT to have a non-married spouse (girlfriend/boyfriend) stay the night when our son is present. At the time it was based on religious grounds, but we both now agree that particular condition can be nixed. For both our protection though, we feel it best to have in writing.

     Can we execute an amendment document on our own to eliminate that clause, and both sign agreeing to the  change?

     Or does it need to go through the court system or some other complicated process?

     Thanks, -Fredrick

The clean correct answer would be to get the order amended.

A separate written agreement  of mutual agreement not to enforce that  clause probalby has little weight in theory --but perhaps a lot of practical weight? The problem is is one person gets nose out of joint they could insist on the order as written.

I am responding based on research of Va law but it may apply in your state as well. Standard family law is no co-habitation of  either parents in the presence of children. Enforcing that law is up to each individual parent. If that is something that you now wish to do now collectively or indvidually make sure you write something up and have it signed, notarized and put into the case file at the courthouse. Make clear the reasoning that you now don't mind the children seeing cohabitiation of two people because that is a sign of instability to the courts. If you are doing married people things then why not marry? Questions to consider: what happens if this  relationship fails and there is another mate. Does the child(ren) have to go through live -  in cycles, or watch different people come in and spend the night everytime there is someone new in the picture. It also shows the courts the true values that are being taught to the children and the fact that when you want to do something you will find a way to justify it but when you don't you will throw religion in it. Meaning: are the religious values different now and if so, why? What made shacking up (co-habitating) out side of marriage ok.  Be real careful when trying to make something fit for the moment because the courts will see that as unstable.

"Va Law"  or the above interpretation is not applicable in most , if not all, states.

There is no broad standard assuming other partners will not be allowed in the children's presence.

     Thanks folks, appreciate the info.

     And thank you Lynn for the additional clarification. Just off the top of your head, in general do  you know if this is something parties can do on their own, or does a judge/court have to be involved?

     Best, ~F