Custody and Legal Fees

Your tone may hurt you--it sounds like you seek to limit Moms contact with child--with some minor shifts you may be able to smother Mom with kindness as to open access and improve your smell 100%  ?

As an aside --I'd think that an "average " LPN" can earn in the  $40,000 range in FL ? So what is Mom putting into the pot for the benefit of her child--won't happen w/o an order?

Drew:

Your tone may hurt you--it sounds like you seek to limit Moms contact with child-

Yes, if it's clear to us, it will be clear to a court. (red flags all over!)...exactly the reason Mom seeks legal intervention.

There's no tone associated with the statement, maybe I'm asking this in the wrong way.

In a normal court order (with the understanding that no case is the same, but as a starting point) what would be the normal calling schedule established by 2 working agreeable parents?

The truth of the matter is that there is no Order... None whatsoever, not sure how much clearer can I get about that.

The court's have given no order, there is no order entered, no motion brought to court and no motion accepted.

We agreed outside of court for open communication, but we never specified a frequency.  What i would like to establish is a schedule, and whether or not she has superior parental rights, the truth of the matter is that she left her child here, I never took her away, nor did I ever want to take her away.  I was striiving for equal time.  So under that circumstance do I say that my daughter being with my parents should be acceptable, since she left under these circumstances to begin with.

And I'm not interpreting anything from the courts, I'm not trying to, even if there was such an order I would definitely have consulted a lawyer before ever trying to interpret it. 

And, I'm not trying to sound ungrateful either... But you're painting the picture that I'm not a worthy parent. I have given up much for my daughter, as it should be, I don't see it as too much to ask that if I cannot get to the phone today, hey... call back tomorrow.  She can skip a day when she works her night shift, why am I not extended the same curtesy?

I will say though, that smothering her with kindness is not what I want to do.  Prior to this change, she wasn't exactly the most level person when it came to me having to ask her.  If I wanted extra time with my daughter I was always denied by her, which led to me to go and try for equal time sharing, which then lead her to move out of the state and attempt to take our daughter with her...  It hasn't exactly been the best of circumstances, and honestly I have no love lost in any of our precedings...

Personal feelings aside, I'm trying to have a set agreement that is both fair to me and to her.  I don't want to come across the situation that can be interpreted in diffrent ways, I want to have it all spelled out, so we do not have to return to this.  The financial effort that we both are putting forward in this could better be spent on our daughter.

maltomario:

I'm trying to have a set agreement that is both fair to me and to her

Very good.

maltomario:

I don't want to come across the situation that can be interpreted in diffrent ways, I want to have it all spelled out, so we do not have to return to this.

It can be spelled out and defined as tight as a frogs behind, but if you or your ex decide to deviate from the order it means nothing and you will be right back where you are now.  If the order spells out that Mom does X, what will you do the first time she does Y?  What will Mom do the first time you do X, when you should have done Y? 

I still believe that if you want custody, CS, etc then you need to be filing for that right now while Mom is out of the state.    

Until there is an order which spells out daily calls or whatever I think you do yourself a favor to be helpful to a fault to  support open communications at any reasonable time of day --you want to take the high ground--and in fact pattern it seems easy to be openly generous --grind your teeth and throw darts at her picture out of view in the garage...you want super nice clean.

Is mom capable of paying CS--smile sweetly and focus on her pocketbook?

maltomario:

I don't see it as too much to ask that if I cannot get to the phone today, hey... call back tomorrow. 

You keep forgetting; it's not YOU who needs to get to a phone, just the child.  It won't work to ignore that.  A court is NOT going to rule that Mom can't speak to her daughter unless you, your cell phone and child are together.  You'll have to provide another phone if the order says, for instance, everynight at 7 pm.  That's how it is usually done. 

maltomario:

She can skip a day when she works her night shift, why am I not extended the same curtesy?

Because she is not with and in control of the child; she is at a disadvantage.  Non-custodials have rights the custodial cannot deny, but the non-custodial cannot be made to use them.

Those parents who make it hard for the non-custodial parent to access children with nonsense excuses are seen as using the child as PAWN to thwart the ex....that is NOT putting the CHILD'S best interests first.  The best interests of the child means she talks to Mom often.

The court expects adults to act like adults, esp once having children.  The circumstances of her leaving matters NOT on this issue.

No need to keep repeating all the details already written (over and over) as they are irrelevant on the call issue.

maltomario:

I'm trying to have a set agreement that is both fair to me and to her. 

Then get a second line cell just for daughter so that Mom can reach her when the anxiety controls her.  Since schools ban cell phones I would draw something up that states cell phone is with child after school hours Monday through Friday from X time until 30 minutes prior to bedtime on school nites and until bedtime on non-school nights.  Saturday and Holidays from 9 am until bedtime.  I would set the time that the phone turns on after school to include a reasonable amount for homework that is undisturbed.  Then make sure that it happens even when out of town.  DO NOT answer it outside of those hours but make sure SOMEONE does and daughter can talk when it is during that time. 

That should be a wide enough amount of time that if Mom balks the court wonders why.

Just read all of these posts...

You keep saying there are no orders. You are right, there are no orders giving you custody right now and because of it, Mom can show up today and you have to give the child back.

There is zero reason for you to have to have her call your cell phone to talk to the child. Whether you mean it or not, you come across as playing a game.  Game players lose in court. All the courts have to hear is how you won't allow Mom to speak to the child, you insist on being present for those conversations, etc... and you will not look good in the eyes of the courts.  Buy the phone for the child.  Anyone who told you the court won't allow daily calls was wrong. They will and in fact, the courts want it.  They don't want NCP relegated to every other weekend and one call a week. The courts could also order you allow her to video chat, skype, etc...so the child has face to face time.

Regarding child support, the courts will look at her income for the past six months, not impute her for what she could earn or base it off what other people with similar job training earn. It doesn't work that way.