Divorce gone wrong..,IMHO

I am a happily married mother of 4 great kids and wife of 1 realy grumpy old coot! I have been wanting to put my 2 cents in for awile but the advice I've been getting seems pretty overwhelming in favor of divorce. So this is a brief story of what I had gone through and how I overcame the big problem of divorce.

Over a year ago, hubby tried the divorce thing w/me and I explained that he married me 4 life. The kids were the big issue because I know what the impact was on by brother and sister's kids (divorce has been a family tradition). The little money that I came up with was flushed down the drain when I got a bad lawyer who told me much of what I've been hearing here. Alot of get-over-its with no real explanation why I should have to accept it. I fired him and went pro se. At this point, the old man's lawyer had to deal with me throughout the discovery process and we sent the interogetories to each other.

Well, to make a long story very short, this attorney kind of went ballistic because, as he said "you don't understand the the law, you aren't a lawyer." I had said much of what is being said by [Hobbes1970?] and left it at that. I don't realy know what happend after that because my husband had moved out for about 6 months or so and I hadn't been able to get the discovery done. After a while my husband and I started talking when he told me that his attorney stopped working on the case. Anyway, we have gotten back together. Its not all roses but its better than having disfunctional kids. I would ask anyone who is considering divorce to forget about their own happiness unless it comes from doing right by the kids.

Now I have a question that still itches 2B answered. How can the divorce be joined with the custody suit? I have been aching to know how they can overcome the proceedural defect that there is. A SAPCR can not start untill after the judge or jury finishes w/ the divorce trial and says whether or not the divorce is granted.

I know that alot of folks think that it will go through but lets say that its a divorce for adultry and the plaintiff cant prove adultry. The suit for custody would be a frivolous suit, wouldn't it?

 Keep our kids happy and healthy, don't divorce!!!

I'm not an attorney, but from what I know, custody issues are dealt with during the divorce proceedings. During the final hearing, all issues relating to the divorce (e.g., division of assets, alimony, custody, child support, etc.) are finalized and put into the final divorce decree.

" A SAPCR can not start untill after the judge or jury finishes w/ the divorce trial and says whether or not the divorce is granted."

ALL divorces are granted as long as one party wants it; you can't be forced to stay married if you don't want to be in this country.  Reasons are little more than a formality.  Therefore, all issues pertaining to divorce are addressed at the initial proceedings.

And I know of no state where a jury "decides" to grant a divorce; family law issues are decided by a judge.

"Keep our kids happy and healthy, don't divorce!!!"  Unfortunately there are many kids who would be alot healthier and happier if their parents did divorce.

Glad it worked out for you, but be prepared that the issue may come up again; if he wanted to divorce once, it's likely those issues haven't changed much for him.  So protect yourself in case he decides again he wants a divorce; as you said, "it's not all roses".  I'm sure he feels the same way.  Unhappy parents in an unhappy marriage is NOT good for the kids and, worse, they will model your behavior as adults.

So I hope it continues to work for ALL of you!

Divorce and custody are usually handled together. If the divorce does not proceed, neither does the custody matter.

Your attorney was right - you clearly do not understand the law or how the system works. It's a little odd that you prefer to believe your own guesses rather than the lawyer's actual knowledge.

"This is problematic as it leads to certain questions of law that have never been adjudicated before. How can a lawyer correctly answer such a question that has been left unadjudicated. There would be no case law to refer to."

Lawyers do that call the time. It's called a case of first impression. They argue to the court based on the statute, similar laws and caselaw in other jurisdictions and commonlaw .

The most you can hope to accomplish by dragging this out is to waste a lot of money on lawyers. The end result will be the same.

This became excessively long and argumentative, answering questions the original poster wasn't asking.