non custodial father drops our kids off to his parents

lyrajousma:

In all honesty I didnt ask for anyones opinion on this matter. I asked if I had to send them there when he leaves them with his parents.

I'm a lawyer. What I gave you earlier was not taking sides with him but rather the way the law is set up. I gave you the answer to your question—if the court gives him visitation, you must send the kids there even though they end up staying with their grandparents. For you to deny visitation on that basis will violate the court order and you risk sanctions for contempt, including possible jail time, for doing that.

lyrajousma:

Am i the only person who thinks this is morally wrong????

What is moral and what is legal are two very different things. Courts deal with the latter, not the former. Sure, I think ideally that the father would have the kids staying him when they visit. But since I don't know him or his reasons for doing it, I won't pre-judge him to be a bad father here. Again, the law is that is that he can leave the kids with his parents while he has visitation with them if he chooses so long as the kids are not abused in their care, just as you can have your kids visit your parents on your time. Again, the law doesn't require that you agree with his choices. These are all not personal opinions; it is what the law provides.

lyrajousma:

I am not asking for support to get EVEN with him, I am asking for support of our children.

And as I said before, you are likely to win support. No one here said that you are seeking support to get even with him, though even if you were that wouldn't matter. The kids are entitled to support from both parents.

The one personal opinion I gave was that I think you ought to find a way to get past the obvious anger you have at your ex. Like it or not, he is the child's biological and legal father. That means legally he's entitled to visitation with his kids and the chance for some kind of a relationship with them. So, you are going to have to deal with him until the kids are grown. Letting your anger at him fester will only make it much harder for you, and your kids, to deal with that. And if he is bitter towards you as well, then you succeed in helping to give him what he wants by letting him upset you. While this is my personal opinion, it comes from observation of a number of divorced clients over the years.

TAXAGENT: I am sorry, my post was not mentioned toward you....it just happened to fall under yours. I do appreciate the legal facts. That is why I came to this board.

Actually I was not married to this man until AFTER I had these children. I got married after my second was born. my son who is now 4 and half, has no name on his birth certificate. What should I do in this situation? He couldnt sign it in the hospital because he didnt have a drivers license on him. When they told him to come back with his drivers license to sign it, he declined to. Now if something were to happen to my ex my son wouldnt be able collect benefits because he is not listed on his birth certificate????

I am sorry to those who feel he is excersizing his parental visitations. I disagree and I only hope the judge see's how rediculous this matter is. They are not even his real parents they are my husbands grandparents. So they are even older in age. The grand parents called my mom to come and get all of thier toys before they got there this summer as well, so all they had was TV.

When I lived in Michigan going through my divorce my ex husband realized he was going to have to pay 600 in child support and also medical. As I mentioned before he never had the urge to see his kids, or provide for them. the main reason we got a divorce was because at the end of our marriage we were trying to purchase a house together. As you may know buying a house is a very stressful situation. The contingency on our loan approval was to clear our credit. we had been accpeted and our credit was CLEAR. we found several houses but they all fell through for one reason or another. One day  during an argument he told me if i didnt let him get a dirt bike he would leave me. we argued and i thought it was over. so one day I came home from work to find a brand new dirt bike in our drive way.  this man made the decision for us to move in with his parents to thier basement so he could have his "toys" I couldnt handle this anymore. I relied on my strenght to get me out.

when he found out how much he would have to pay me, along with spousal support, which clearly i deserved it. he told me to leave the state. He said as long as he didnt have to pay for the kids anymore I could leave. I paid a lot for my attorney who was going to fight for me to leave anyways.  my ex is a habitual drug addict and has been known to mix prescription drugs with alcohol.

also if you think about this situation I cannot get a job...I have to leave for 2 weeks at christmas, easter and 2 times during the summer. what employer is going to hire that mess????

If he wants then to spend his time with them by having them stay with their grandparents, he has that right.

If there is a reason why the grandparents are not adequate caregivers THAT is a reason to ask a court to address the situation.

You are really spinning out of control;

You said you filed for child support;  if there is an issue as to paternity- he will have a paternity test and upon positive results he will  be declared the father legally. 

Also,  though not sure if your custody "agreement" is via an order or agreement filed with the court,  either way he would need to sign an acknowledgement of paternity .

Your frustration is understandable, but you should come out ahead here; there is no reason you shouldn't be awarded child support.  Even paying the transportation should still put you ahead.

Regarding his parents; you can't do much about that, can't force him to be a father to his kids.  No one is on his "side", but he's entitled to do what he wants on his time with the kids.  Yes, you COULD legally dump them off at YOUR mother's on your time, but obviously you are a far better mother than that.

Good luck.

Part of his right to parent is to introduce his children to other people.  He can have a nanny, a regular babysitter, or leave the kids with his parents.

The government is limited in how it can interfere with parenting, and it can't really impose a moral code on parenting.  For instance, it is completely legal to raise your children to be racist.

Nobody is saying that what he is doing is right or wrong.  It's just legal.  That's a completely different concept.

You do realize, that while the judge may actually even agree with you on a personal level he/she is still going to bound to what the law says. They will also be expecting proof for every single thing you say.

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but for every divorce, both sides are going to have stories of how terrible the other person is.  If you got along, you would still be married.

I realize you are very frustrated, but you are not allowed to use foul and offensively crude language here.  You agreed when you joined this site not to use such language. 

I cleaned up your post.

Do we think he's a great father?  Not really.

Is he allowed to leave them at grandma's house 24/7 during his time?  yes, he is.