irresponsible loser "dad"

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Latest post 08-17-2010 10:05 PM by CuriousInCa. 14 replies.
  • 08-11-2010 2:25 AM

    • J-Me
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    • Joined on 06-04-2010
    • OH
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    irresponsible loser "dad"

    Any good tips on how to gain full legal custody? My daughters real dad hasnt had any positive influence on her life in her 5 1/2 years here with us, and hes never shown an interest in her school, dr appts, extra curricular acitvities etc.I dont feel he should have the right to make any decisions for her, since he has shown and proven with many incidents, that he is an irresponsible person who only likes to try to use my daughter as a pawn. My daughter calls my fiancee Daddy, because hes been in her life since she was 6 months old, and because of her real dads failure to be a good parent, she could care less if she even sees her real dad. I have never spoken bad about him to her, I always try to encourage her to have a good time during his visitation, but she always comes back very upset saying she wishes she had been home. He does not provide a stable, secure environment for her like we do here at home.She is always being tossed around from one house to another when he has visitation because he always has other plans that cant involve my daughter. So I am asking, because of years of incidents of failure to be a parent, any tips on gaining full legal custody?? I do not want to hear any responses on how her "dad" should have rights etc. He has failed, and was warned by the courts to start improving, and he still failed. I have no problem with shared parenting, but its been to much now, and my daughter doesnt deserve this. She deserves the best, and this loser in her life is not what is best. 'Thank you! P.s, we live in WI

  • 08-11-2010 11:37 AM In reply to

    • J-Me
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    • Joined on 06-04-2010
    • OH
    • Posts 7

    Re: irresponsible loser "dad"

    I am only trying to gain full LEGAL custody, not take away visitation time. And I did not teach my daughter who to call Daddy, she started calling my fiancee daddy one day, Ive never called him anything except for his name to her, and she said told me that she called him daddy because hes the best daddy in the world. So I let it go, because hes always in her life, and he wants to be in her life, and loves her as his own.

    I am also tired of the comment on here when people say, well you chose to have a child with him etc.. I did, and he decided after the fact once I was pregnant, that he wasnt ready anymore, and he left me pregnant. So HE changed. Thats not my fault.

    And to have rights to a child, you should be responsible and interested in that child. He is neither. We have a small town judge, who last time in court, did NOT like my daughters Dad, and made up a list of rules for him to follow by in order to give him one more chance to step it up and show he wants to be in her life. Well, he failed at that, so I have a feeling the judge wont be happy to hear about his failure as a parent.

     

  • 08-11-2010 11:47 AM In reply to

    Re: irresponsible loser "dad"

    >And to have rights to a child, you should be responsible and interested in that child. He is neither.

    You are here asking for legal advice.  I understand your comments and feelings, but please keep in mind, the fact of the matter is, as you have described it, he does have legal rights to his child, just as you do. 

    I mean you no disrespect, I'm only reminding you that there is a difference b/t how you feel, and how the legal system works.  I think it's a very important thing to remember.  I honestly think realizing that will help you in your objectives.  Good luck!

     

     

     

  • 08-11-2010 12:14 PM In reply to

    Re: irresponsible loser "dad"

    Does he see the child and pay child support? I am not sure what full custody is going to get you he will still get unsupervised visits anyways. When you marry your boyfriend you can ask Dad to terminate rights and your husband adopt. If he doesn't want too then you are stuck. Sorry but he does have rights. You never talk bad about Dad? Really? What exactly is calling him an irresponsible loser? The 5 yr old has no rights at all to decide she does not want to see him. If Dad is totally absent in her life and does not pay support, after you get married you can try to do an adoption but if he sees the child, I would not count on it. You have to deal with him the best you can. In OHIO an unmarried father has no rights at all until paternity is legally established and a court visitation schedule is set up. If this has been done, he has some rights.

  • 08-11-2010 12:25 PM In reply to

    Re: irresponsible loser "dad"

    Well, you are the one who picked the loser to father your child. And he does have rights, whether you want to hear about them or not.

    Full custody does not mean he loses any of his rights to visitation. All it gains you is the right to make all decisinos about her health, schooling, religion, etc.

    The only way to achieve what you want is adoption - and no judge is going to allow a fiance to adopt. After you've been married a while your husband can petition for adoption.

  • 08-11-2010 12:26 PM In reply to

    Re: irresponsible loser "dad"

    "you should be responsible and interested in that child. " That is not what the law requires.

  • 08-11-2010 3:27 PM In reply to

    Re: irresponsible loser "dad"

    J-Me:
    And I did not teach my daughter who to call Daddy, she started calling my fiancee daddy one day

    Sure.  But YOU are the parent and YOU can control the child.  A whole lot of judges will NOT appreciate you allowing the child to call another guy Dad.

    J-Me:
    And to have rights to a child, you should be responsible and interested in that child

    The Constitution doesn't require that.  We aren't here to argue the law and the only way to change the law is through your vote and state government.

    J-Me:
    I have a feeling the judge wont be happy to hear about his failure as a parent.

    Then go back to court.  You already know the answer regarding how you can obtain full legal custody.  You go talk to the judge.

  • 08-12-2010 3:22 PM In reply to

    • J-Me
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    • OH
    • Posts 7

    Re: irresponsible loser "dad"

    RockTosh-

    Thank you for your reply. I understand that maybe now since my daughters Dad hasnt shown any interest anyways that he isnt even making any choices/decisions for her, that joint custody at the moment isnt a problem. But, I can see him doing something just to spite me, like cutting her hair, objecting to her school or activities, piercing her ears, all petty stuff that he may do just to spite me. I will see what the GAL has to say since he is now back on the case. THank you for your advice. Also, you mentioned my fiancee adopting my daughter, but how would we be able to go about doing that?

    I also want to say that I never talk bad about my daughters father in front of her, or ever near where she could accidently hear it. I have never told her to call my fiancee Daddy, she sees her real dad only a couple times a month, and has been raised by my fiancee and I. So, she started calling him Daddy since all of her other friends and cousins have Daddys around them, and her little brothers daddy is my fiancee. So I dont need the rude comments about how I am putting this stuff into her head. Yes I chose to have a child with this "Dad" but I did not choose for him to leave me when I was pregnant and completely change his whole attitude. I chose to raise my daughter in the best environment possible and I am trying my hardest to keep that, although her visitations with her Dad briefly disrupts that. I will continue to fight for what is best for her, money is not an issue.

    Thank you :)

  • 08-17-2010 9:28 PM In reply to

    • emilygcp
      Consumer
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    • Joined on 07-25-2010
    • MA
    • Posts 34

    Re: irresponsible loser "dad"

    If he is so disinterested in school, dr, activites, etc, he may not fight on giving you sol custody, My ex didnt seem to care so during mediation I stated I wanted sol custody for many MANY reasons and ncp said that was fine as long as he had some visitation.Maybe that is something you two can talk about in mediation??

    I also relate with your finacee being called "Daddy." My son,4, also calls my fiancee dad even when I try to explain that he is not. Its hard for kids that young to understand especially now that my fiancee and I have a one year old child together that calls him "dada".

    NCP now does not exercise his visitation rights often and we plan on filling for my fiancee to adpot. However, we were told that we should be married for at least one year before even thinking we could petition the court with adpotion.

    Good Luck to you!

  • 08-17-2010 10:05 PM In reply to

    Re: irresponsible loser "dad"

    "Also, you mentioned my fiancee adopting my daughter, but how would we be able to go about doing that?"

    First, he marries you and becomes your husband. Then you look into the process of severing parental ties with bio-dad so your husband can adopt the child.

    If you are engaged, you must be in the active process of planning a wedding. Wait until the wedding, then move forward.

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