Custodial parent not reasonable with requests

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Latest post 11-03-2010 10:50 PM by Drew. 13 replies.
  • 11-03-2010 12:57 PM

    • AnnaSull
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    Custodial parent not reasonable with requests

    History:

    In 2006 a Final Judgement for Paternity gave my ex, the father, full custody. The judgement was very detailed as we are a high conflict couple. It included we have equal parental rights including in medical, school and other activities. This year my 12 year old daughter started jr. high school and my 5 year old started kindergarden. I (the mother) pay child support and have every other weekend visitations beggining Thursday at 6pm to the comencement fo school Monday morning and Wednesday on the non visitation week from 6pm to the comencement of school Thursday morning.

    ---------

    Recently my ex filed for an up modification on child support. On the same day, since I was already at the court house, I filed for a restraining order as when I have tried to drop off or pick up the children at his home he would get violent, raising his fists and cursing. Restraining order was denied and a permanent injunction was approved. In it states he can not come within so many feet and we can only communicate through email and phone text and that the drop off/ pickup location be changed to a 24 hour police substation.

    I recently contacted the school to set up a parent teacher conference with both schools for my children. He was contacted and informed of this. He them emailed me, as well as sent a certified letter to my home and work place stating the same thing. He has stated in these letters I have no business being near their school, that I am a treat to him and the children, and he has copies of letters I've written to the school slandering him (No such thing took place, I simply called the school). I feel this is harrassment contacting me everywhere I go.

    Also, he is not conforming to what my court order says. He is continuously dropping the children off at 630pm rather than 6pm and due to the fact he does not want me near the school he is requesting I drop off the children back off Friday morning and Monday morning back at the substation rather than straight to school. Being the children are initially dropped off without their bookbags and uniforms I feel I have no choice but to conform to his requests. I have birthday visitation with my daughter sunday (the day before from 530pm to 8pm) he is requesting and stating his court papers say 630 to 9pm. My parents suggest I go with it for now until a modification to judgement of paternity is set, although I really did not want to drop off so late (9pm) when I live 30 minutes away and work in the morning along with getting a two year old to daycare on time.

    I feel stressed over all of this and dont know what to do.

    Anna S.

     

  • 11-03-2010 1:01 PM In reply to

    Re: Custodial parent not reasonable with requests

    Is this really worth hiring a lawyer and racking up fees? You are essentially fighting over a half hour.

  • 11-03-2010 1:16 PM In reply to

    • AnnaSull
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    Re: Custodial parent not reasonable with requests

    The half our difference I can conform to and wait for modification. The wanting me to relinquish my parental responsibilities and have no involvement in their school that bothers me. I just want to talk to their teacher and see progress. Im not being informed of behavioral issues, my five year old can not count to 6 and my daughter is having teeth issues and he will not discuss the dentist appointments. I feel he is not letting me be the mother I want to be.

  • 11-03-2010 1:28 PM In reply to

    Re: Custodial parent not reasonable with requests

    So what did the school say?  Did they deny your right to a conference regarding your own children because of anything he said to them?  It's likely it won't take long until they realize he's a troublemaker and can't be counted on for veracity.  If he is preventing you from interacting with the school, I'd be in court now.  Letting his control issues to go unabated will only encourage him.

    Unfortunately, he seems to be the type to continually harass you with this type of garbage, but there is not a lot you can do; a judge can order him to stop making things up and trying to prevent you from parenting, but there is not a lot of "teeth" in it...they won't send him to jail for something like this!

     

  • 11-03-2010 1:58 PM In reply to

    • Drew
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    Re: Custodial parent not reasonable with requests

    So if you drop kids at substation as requested/ordered--how do kids get to school on time?

    I fail to follow  why you cannot request parent/teacher conference  , childs school records , or attend school functions etc--



  • 11-03-2010 2:08 PM In reply to

    • AnnaSull
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    Re: Custodial parent not reasonable with requests

    The children and I get up at 5:50am to be at the substation at 6:30am, dad then takes them from there home to change and gather school books and such. If I could take them to school myself we would not have to get up till 7am. I actually just called the school and they told me unless dad wants  to put me on the contact info I can not even talk to the school, EVEN IF I SHOW COURT DOCUMENTATION stating it is a requirement to involve me or have me on the schools contact info.

    The only thing she said I can do is go back to court and say he is not letting me parent and court orders and have him in contempt of court. This really bites.

  • 11-03-2010 2:16 PM In reply to

    Re: Custodial parent not reasonable with requests

    AnnaSull:
    they told me unless dad wants  to put me on the contact info I can not even talk to the school, EVEN IF I SHOW COURT DOCUMENTATION stating it is a requirement to involve me or have me on the schools contact info.

     

    I don't think this person knows what they are talking about; the school CANNOT ignore a court order. Perhaps the court will order HIM to do so.

    I would definitely petition the court on this...and be aware dad is going to fight you about every single thing for as long as the children are minors, so gear up.

  • 11-03-2010 2:17 PM In reply to

    Re: Custodial parent not reasonable with requests

    File for a modification that you pick up the children from school and drop them off at school directly on school days. Days they dont have school, do the exchange at the police department.  My orders are from FL and the school was used as the pick up and drop off to purposely to avoid any parental exchanges. It will also help with the fact he wont send their school work.  He has no right to demand you do anything other than what is ordered and I am sorry, if you give him an inch, he will push to continue removing your rights.

    Regarding the school, don't back down. They have no business telling you you can't be involved when you have shared legal custody pertaining to school. If you haven't, call the principal. If the principal refuses, call the school superintendent. 

     

  • 11-03-2010 2:23 PM In reply to

    • Drew
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    Re: Custodial parent not reasonable with requests

    Something does  NOT add up!  If your custody  runs until school commences say on Monday AM and school commences at say 7:15  then why is not 7:15 the time exactly as it means in the order. Makes no sense to have dad divine an earlier end of time to suit his needs.

     

    Its NOT up to the school to divine who is or is not allowed to contact own child -but I can see schools point of not wanting to be in middle of parental fights---howevef if school says no contact then technically it is NOT Dad who has interfered with parental rights but school--and Dad is not in direct contempt of anything.....me, I'd push schools buttons a whole lot harder!!  And I'd carry a copy of current order in my pocket!



  • 11-03-2010 2:32 PM In reply to

    Re: Custodial parent not reasonable with requests

    I had some of these same sorts of troubles you describe.

    I think you made a good choice in calling the school.  In my opinion, you should do whatever you can to stay as involved as possible, and I would suggest you do that without going through the ex as much as possible.  I made the mistake of requesting report cards, etc through my ex.  It turned into a huge battle that I never even needed to fight.

    I finally smartened up, and I called the school, the doctors, etc.  I am my daughters parent also.  Now I receive the report cards in the mail without ever talking to my ex.  Much nicer and easier.  I've also called and had to set up completely separate discussions with doctors, etc for things my daughters were having done.  They were at first reluctant, but when I mentioned I was the one who held the health insurance, and was paying the bill, they got more friendly (well the dental surgeon said he was going to charge me $300/hour for his time with me on the phone, but he must have thought better of it later, because I never saw his bill for what should have been a free consultation for what he would be doing and I be paying to my daughters teeth.

    This all gets rather crazy sometimes, so you just have to keep focused on what's most important.  That's your children, if you didn't already guess

     

     

     

  • 11-03-2010 3:10 PM In reply to

    • AnnaSull
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    Re: Custodial parent not reasonable with requests

    My five year old's school (elementry) at 8am, and my 12 year old's school (middle) begins at 9am. I realize something does not add up but what can I do when they come over unprepared for school the next morning other than drop my visitation all together on those days they have school the next day which I do not want to do and certainly not going to do.

    And I think it's a combination of dad and the school my current court doc.'s say I am to be on the schools emergency contact info. but I will see what I can do in court. It's supposed to be set anywere from two weeks from now to a month.

    I'm doing my best to be very humble about all of this and prey and due time the truth will show and things will pan out (somewhat) for the children and I.

  • 11-03-2010 10:46 PM In reply to

    • Drew
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    Re: Custodial parent not reasonable with requests

    It makes absolutely no sensse that you drop anything so as to make thign run the way dad wants to run them.

    And if the order says "commencement of school" --sure seems to me thant you need not return kids until about 5 minutes before same.



  • 11-03-2010 10:50 PM In reply to

    • Drew
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    Re: Custodial parent not reasonable with requests

    And personally I think somebody in the school is out to lunch! If you have an element of custody per the order and it includes school--I'd go to school  with copy of order , hand an extra copy of same to them and ask for reasonable things like to see my childs academic records for starters. If somebody says no-get name and title and keep going up the food chain.



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