Ex saying we have days to get rid of our cats.

Latest post Tue, May 2 2017 10:31 AM by tazzie2005. 36 replies.
  • Sat, Nov 27 2010 11:18 AM

    • mjtsd
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    Ex saying we have days to get rid of our cats.

    My husband has physical custody of his children for the past 7 years.  His ex walked out on them and since then has has them on the weekends and sometimes during school breaks.  My step-son has a mild cat allergy that his mother is blowing out of proportion.  The cats are kept out of his room, we have air filters througout the house and he has little contact with them.  This week she sent us a threathing email (using her job account) to say we have a few days to get rid of the the cats or we will face "swift legal action".  She was told she was advised to give us a few days to get rid of them.

    My questions are:

    His children have lived with us for four years and her son has never been hospitalized due to the cats.  She brought him to the ER last July when he was playing out in the sun during an ozone action day. She took him to an allergist behind our back and claims that the allergist is "very concerned" about the cats living in our house.  What kind of attorney would advise her to give us this kind of ultimatum?

    The child is in not kind of danger living in our house.  We believe she is using the cats as a way to alienate the children from us. We also think that because we refused to pay for a bday party she is trying to get back at us.

    Getting rid of the cats is not an option.  So what can we do?

     

     

     

     

  • Sat, Nov 27 2010 11:59 AM In reply to

    Re: Ex saying we have days to get rid of our cats.

    As someone who is allergic to cats, here is my thought. Since you know for sure the child is allergic to them then why do you have them? I can tell you that if the house has several cats in it, the air purifiers do very little. If you are not willing to get rid of the cats, and the ex can prove the child is having some health problems due to them, you may have some issues. Just because the child has not been hospitalized does not mean the cats do not bother him. A cat allergy has not hospitalized me but they make me miserable. Cat dander is all over the house, but since you are not allergic you do not feel it.

    So I really do not know what you want except for if you know the child is allergic to cats then why do you have them? An attorney may not do much, not sure they cannot cure allergies. At this point you need to determine what health problems or allergy problems the child is having. So yes mom can definitely take you to court over this if this child is wheezing, or having allergies. Some of what you posted is totally irrelevant. Bottom line, you insist on keeping an animal, and have several you know the child is alleric too. Mom is free to bring this up in court.

  • Sat, Nov 27 2010 12:25 PM In reply to

    • Kivi
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    Re: Ex saying we have days to get rid of our cats.

    If your husband has to hire an attorney to deal with issue, it probably will cost at least a couple of thousand, more if it goes to court.

    Probably much cheaper to just get rid of the cats.

  • Sat, Nov 27 2010 12:29 PM In reply to

    • kath21
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    Re: Ex saying we have days to get rid of our cats.

    Well, it depends on the severity of the allergy; I also have a mild allergy to cats but wouldn't give them up for a few sniffles!  Unless his allergy is severe and can't be controlled with a little medication, I don't think a judge would order you t get rid of them but you must make it clear they don't affect him-I'd take him to my own allergist  for a diagnosis.

    But if a judge determines they are a danger, then getting rid of them WILL be your only option (...or the kid).  So get an independent dr's anaylsis.

    PS. There are other ways of dealing with allergies; talk to an allergist.

  • Sat, Nov 27 2010 2:02 PM In reply to

    • mjtsd
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    Re: Ex saying we have days to get rid of our cats.

    We have a attorney, been on retainer for 3 years now.  He says that the court will not remove the cats because his allergy in not severe and he is under the care of an allergist.  She is trying to make it an issue after the fact that we all moved in three years ago.  Never did anything about it before.

  • Sat, Nov 27 2010 2:14 PM In reply to

    • kath21
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    Re: Ex saying we have days to get rid of our cats.

    mjtsd:
    She is trying to make it an issue

     

    Typical.

    If you already have an allergist and attorney who advises you the court won't do anything about it, why are you posting?

    If your question is "what kind of attorney would advise her to give us this ultimatum?" , then the answer is probably one she is paying.

    The "what can we do?" question:  Wait and see if she petitions the court...that's it.

  • Sat, Nov 27 2010 2:32 PM In reply to

    • LG81
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    Re: Ex saying we have days to get rid of our cats.

    Things were so much simpler when I was a kid. :0)  When I was 3, we adopted two cats (bro and sis) only to find out that I was midly allergic.  Guess what?  I outgrew it after only a year and have had cats ever since.  Of course, back in those days, we didn't have ultra-phobias where one couldn't even have a bag of peanuts on the same plane as someone who had allergies to peanuts.  This ultra-senstivity, in my opinion, has led to more severe allergies rather than immunity.

    Growing up in an area where I loved to play out in the woods behind our house, I always got poison oak.  With the season being around my birthday, there were many birthdays where I had poison oak so much my eyes would be almost swollen shut.  Guess what?  My system built immunity by the time of my seventh birthday.  While I did have to get shots one time due to a severe reaction, letting it ride its course of the itching, socks over hands at night so I wouldn't scratch, some Rx creams etc. were the best things my parents could have done!  Rather than staying out of the forest forever, they let me go through the inconvenience and pain of that allergy.  (Harder on them than it was for me.)  I'm so thankful for that as a life-long outdoor enthusiast.

    All of that to say, if the docs don't believe the kid's allergy is serious and is able to aptly present that to your attorney, I don't believe there should be an issue.  Furthermore, bodies change every seven years picking up new allergies and leaving others behind.  I believe a reasonable judge would see any facts that are clearly presented if the allergy is mild enough to not cause health problems.  The ex should find other battles to fight.

  • Sat, Nov 27 2010 3:51 PM In reply to

    • Ford
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    Re: Ex saying we have days to get rid of our cats.

    You ignore her.  She can pursue legal action if she wants.

    A judge isn't going to order you to get rid of the cats.  The judge can order that visitation won't occur if cats are present.  A judge shouldn't do ANYTHING unless she brings medical information to court.  You can challenge that with your own medical info.

  • Sat, Nov 27 2010 4:10 PM In reply to

    Re: Ex saying we have days to get rid of our cats.

    I am allergic to cats.  My doctor told me not to be in a rush to get rid of the cats I already have.  He said it would be of very little help.  He said that it would take at least 10 years or NEVER to get the cat DANDER out of my house and suggested that i take an antihistimine if the symptoms were bothersome.  My allergies have not worsened but I do understand that some people's allergies do. 

    Also, many people THINK it's the cats and get rid of them and continue to "react."  Many times it wasn't the cats they were allergic to.  It breaks their hearts when they find out they got rid of a perfectly good cat or two for NOTHING>

  • Sat, Nov 27 2010 10:59 PM In reply to

    Re: Ex saying we have days to get rid of our cats.

    Me, I'd ignore her until I was served with court papers.

    That is, unless, in fact, you know these cats really are a problem for your children.

    If they are, I'd get rid of them ASAP.

    But I wouldn't do it, just because of being threatened.  I'd do it in the best interest of my children.

    If you honestly believe it's no problem for your children, then me, I'd wait to be served with court papers.

    That is just my opinion.

    Money-wise, probably cheaper to lose the cats.  But I think you already know that.

  • Mon, Nov 29 2010 12:09 PM In reply to

    Re: Ex saying we have days to get rid of our cats.

    I say keep the e-mail she sent you for your records. If she writes any further harassing e-mails from her work account you could threaten getting her in trouble with her employer.

    Oh, and keep the cats.

     

  • Sun, Mar 6 2011 11:07 AM In reply to

    Re: Ex saying we have days to get rid of our cats.

    We're living this nightmare.  I pray your court case didn't turn out like ours. I have 3 daughters, each with a very special and beloved cat they adopted when we moved out on our own 5 years ago.  I also have a fiance with 2 daughters.  My fiance has a bitter ex-wife who has vowed to make our lives a living hell; and she's done a darn good job!

    The magistrate ordered my fiance to get rid of my daughter's pets- as the final, irritated judgement after another conflict-filled court date where the magistrate found completely in favor of my fiance- but he felt the need to tack on the order to get rid of my children's pets, apparently to make things 'even' and not show favoritism. 

    At that time my fiance's ex had been enticing their children to miss their visits with shopping trips, money, activities, etc.  She would even schedule sleepovers for the girls so that when my fiance's day to pick them up arrived, they weren't even in the same town.  When my fiance objected, the ex filed a case in court alleging we don't let the kids out of their rooms, we don't allow them to have any friends over, his daughters are afraid of my daughters because my 11-year old is bossy; his daughters hate our cats and on and on and on- the 'shotgun' approach.  We had a Child and Family Investigator- who found we are a decent, normal family that's been together 3 years now and no signifigant issues other than the Parental Alienation happening from the other side.  While waiting for the court date, the ex had the daughters tested for allergies and the oldest came back positive- highly allergic to dust, dust mites, tumbleweed & ragweed (we live in Colorado! very dusty, weedy place).  She tested mildly allergic to cats.  This was all in the official allergists report.  The allergist never suggested getting rid of our animals. The Child and Family Investigator never suggested getting rid of our animals. The ex's lawyer never asked to get rid of our animals- the magistrate just ordered it on his own.

    While we tried to figure out what legal action we could take, the ex was already filing an emergency motion to block my fiance's parenting time- which the courts granted- less than 2 weeks after the order to get rid of the cats- because we hadn't gotten rid of the cats yet.  He was blocked from seeing his children for 6 weeks- both children, even the one that has no allergies at all.

    My fiance's daughter is very healthy- rarely showed any sign of illness- and on the rare occasion she did who can tell if its because she spent the afternoon rolling down a grassy hill at the park, or she's getting a cold, or its dusty? All our kids have had a cold or irritation at some point.  We were honest in court and the magistrate used it against us.  We were the only honest ones.

    It has been devastating for us- Why should I hurt and betray my daughters over their vindictive fighting that won't stop?  They never, ever do- they are going back to court in May, again. the ex is like the terminator and she won't stop, she just keeps on, and keeps on.  We choose not to retaliate, we pray and hope for justice. I chose not to get rid of our animals.  We've begged, pleaded, bargained, offered to pay, offered a list of 17 allergen reducing actions other than getting rid of the cats- including building a  enclosed outdoor sanctuary so that the cats would never come into the house again- all were absolutely refused by the ex. Only hurting my children will do for her.

    We've had a tough time already, blending a family- especially with teenagers- is a very difficult job.  My daughters and my fiance have had a very challenging time.  We continue in family therapy.  Most blended families don't make it.  I don't believe our family could make it through the hurt & betrayal of losing our animals and the fallout.  With advice from our therapists we've decided to try and make it work living in 2 different locations.  Within a few years we're hoping my older girls may be out on their own and able to take the animals, we keep praying that somehow, someway there is some justice and things will be made right.

    The magistrate's order has torn us all apart.

    I pray that things worked out differently for you.

    If you're reading this- my advice is to keep your personal business out of court if you can possibly manage it- there are no guarantees on winners and losers, even when everything 'should' work out as planned.  The magistrate seemed bitter, angry, apathetic, irritated- and he played with our lives like we were nothing, just pawns in the ex games. Make your own choices if you can- COMPROMISE, people!  Stay out of court. Remember the children, lose your ego.  Keep away from the justice system, there is no justice.

  • Mon, Mar 7 2011 2:35 AM In reply to

    Re: Ex saying we have days to get rid of our cats.

    Rocktosh:
    I can't even believe that it's withing a family court's power to order someone to get rid of their pets. That's got to be one of the most ridiculous and outrageous things I've ever heard.

    I can understand this reaction from a pet lover. But remember, under the law pets are simply property, like a chair or TV set. The court has the power, in appropriate circumstances, order someone to get rid of property, and that includes pets.

    However, I'm guessing that the poster has summarized the effect of the ruling on her family rather than quoting what the actual order says. I say that because the parties before the court were the fiancé and his ex. The fiancé doesn't own the cats in question; the poster (or her daughters) own the cats. A court order to the fiancé to get rid of the cats wouldn't be enforceable because he has no power to comply as he doesn't own the cats in question. He's not even related to the people owning the cats as he's not married the poster yet. So long as the court was accurately informed of the facts, I don't see a judge entering an order he knows can't be enforced. Rather, my guess is that the order said something along the lines that the fiancé's kids can't be around cats, and that if the fiance wants to bring the kids to the poster's house, then he'll have to ensure that the cats are not there. That's an order that the court could enforce. Of course, the effect of that kind of order essentially puts him in the position of effectively having to ask the poster and her kids to give up the cats. And that may be why the poster has described as an order to get rid of the cats. In any event, without knowing all of what the judge heard and read, and not reading the actual language of the order, it's impossible to say whether what the court did was reasonable.

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