False accusations from an ex-girlfriend restraining order

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Latest post 03-29-2011 10:03 PM by Garrigan. 8 replies.
  • 03-28-2011 10:30 PM

    • Garrigan
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    False accusations from an ex-girlfriend restraining order

    I am hoping you can assist me with a referral.  Last year my ex-girlfriend accused me of stalking her.  I had to go to several court dates ...  In the interest of putting the past behind me I told my criminal lawyer to end it quickly so that I could move on with my life.  All of the allegations are false as noted below.  I voluntarily accepted a one year restraining order against me with no admission of guilt.
     
    Unfortunately I underestimated the resulting damage to my reputation.  Many people that we both know will not talk to me.  I am banned from her building in which I know people.  On many occasions the police were in the building I live within trying to serve me and thus that also damaged my reputation.  The police finally gave up trying to serve me and instead they pushed notices under my door in which they asked me to pick up the papers at the Sheriff's office.
     
    The thought was to sue my ex-girlfriend, the building manager at her building, and the coop corporation because of the resultant damage to my reputation and the stress.

    I have a lot more documentation.  Here is some background information.
     
    My ex-girlfriend was accusing me of stalking her and then eventually she filed a complaint against me last September.
     
    I told my lawyer during the first meeting with him that I wanted to put the past in the past and go on with my life.
     
    After several court dates in which the lawyer played games by failing to appear two times and then leaving early on another occasion I voluntarily accepted to allow her to continue the order until 1/26/2011 without any admission of guilt on my part.  If I had allowed it to go to trial it would have cost thousands of dollars and it would have destroyed  them.


    Unfortunately I underestimated how far they would go to hurt me.  Several people I know in the building will not talk to me.  She has damaged my reputation.
     
    So that you know I am honest I have typed in the text of the allegations below along with the real truth.

    Here is the text of the allegations:

    "The most recent incident was on September 14, 2010 at Petitioner's residence: Respondent attempted to enter the building by sneaking by the doorman but was escorted out by the building manager who told the Petitioner of the incident. Petitioner states the Respondent has stolen personal and business contact information from her computer. Petitioner states the Respondent has contacted every person and fabricated various lies about her, calling her dishonest, a prostitute and insane. Petitioner states the Respondent has been stalking her and has been seen by several witnesses around her home. Petitioner states that in April of 2010 the Respondent contacted her employer in order to damage her reputation resulting in a background investigation preformed on her."


    1: Respondent attempted to enter the building by sneaking by the doorman but was escorted out by the building manager who told the Petitioner of the incident.
     
    This is a statement by the building manager.  How does one sneak through the front door, walk past the doorman who stands at the front door, and walk past the man at the concierge desk?  What makes this especially difficult is that the building staff knows me.  This is obviously a false statement. 
     
    2: Petitioner states the Respondent has stolen personal and business contact information from her computer. Petitioner states the Respondent has contacted every person and fabricated various lies about her, calling her dishonest, a prostitute and insane.

    I have the email correspondence which shows that [she] backed up her files on my computer.  After the relationship ended there was correspondence with regard to whether she needed her files.  I have the email correspondence thus this is another false statement. 
     
    She also was a Craigslist erotic services girl.  The building staff told me she was a call girl. 

    It should also be noted that since the building staff knew about the call girl activity [the building manager] also knew about it.  Why did he not report the call girl activity back in 2005/2006?  Why did he lie to the police on her behalf against me?  It is an interesting question.
     
    3: Petitioner states the Respondent has been stalking her and has been seen by several witnesses around her home.
     
    I never stalked her.  I had business in the building.  I helped some residents by resolving their computer issues.  I also lived temporarily in a resident's other apartment in the city and I dropped off that person's mail and my rent check at the conceirge desk.  The stalking statement is false and the rest is misleading.
     
    4: Petitioner states that in April of 2010 the Respondent contacted her employer in order to damage her reputation resulting in a background investigation preformed on her.
     
    My ex-girlfriend used me and my company as false references on a job application which I found in the files saved on my computer.  I did report this because [she] has a habit of getting fired and I did not want to be sued thus I came out in front of the issue.  I even had a statement from a company through which I had gotten work for [her] which also showed that the information on the job application is false.
     
     

     

  • 03-29-2011 8:34 AM In reply to

    Re: False accusations from an ex-girlfriend restraining order

    Though I skipped over the majority of your post- what is the question?  If you are charged with something- you provide a defense.  That you agreed to a stay away order means you stay away.  You don't come to her building under any type of pretense or you open yourself up to violation of the stay away order and you will spend more money then you didn't want to spend on the original protection order.  That you are posting some emails here concerning this same person would give me concern of continuing harassment of her.

  • 03-29-2011 9:36 AM In reply to

    • Garrigan
      Consumer
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    • Joined on 03-29-2011
    • NY
    • Posts 11

    Re: False accusations from an ex-girlfriend restraining order

    My issue is that the false accusations have damaged by reputation with people that I know in her building. In my building I have also been adversely affected because people saw the police looking for me. Although we live 10 blocks away from each other in NYC and use the same subway line I have not seen her since June of 2010, Since she has made these allegations I have not visited anyone in her building. It is easy for me to prove that the allegations are false. The family court system is severely biased against men. The police never took a statement from me thus they never had a contrasting point of view. I want to know if I have any valid options in civil court for libelous and slanderous statements which I can prove are false. Thank you
  • 03-29-2011 10:53 AM In reply to

    • LG81
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    • Joined on 01-03-2010
    • Posts 4,338

    Re: False accusations from an ex-girlfriend restraining order

    Garrigan:
    My issue is that the false accusations have damaged by reputation with people that I know in her building. In my building I have also been adversely affected because people saw the police looking for me.

    I didn't read your long post thoroughly, but are you sure your reputation has been damaged?  If you had a good reputation in your building, people may not be presuming the worst simply because they saw the police looking for you.  A long time ago, police were looking for me -- not to serve me with anything -- but to interview me because I was a witness to a crime.  Because my neighbors knew me -- whether very well or only a little -- no one jumped to the conclusion that I had done something wrong.  Instead of asking me something with an accusatory tone such as "What did you do?", they would ask "Is everything okay, did something happen to you?."

    Where I would be more concerned about your reputation is that restraining orders can come up in background checks (depending on the type and extent of the check).  The reviewer (I'll use a potential employer) in this case may or may not think anything of it.  In many jurisdictions, a temporary restraining ordered when divorce papers are filed - no matter what the reason for the divorce of whether there was any claimed history of violence.  If you are ever seeking work that requires a background check, when you give the authorization, I would simply (but very briefly explain) this might appear.  (If you protest too much, it will make you look guilty.)

    Normally when restraining orders are granted, along with the paper itself are instructions on how to appeal the order.  Unfortunately for you, however, there is usually a limited time frame (a month or less) in which to file an appeal or contest.

    You may want to speak with your attorney to see if there is anything you can do at this point to get it lifted.  You may also want to ask him whether, if the accusations in the filing documents themselves were false, if the parties could be guilty of perjury.

  • 03-29-2011 11:01 AM In reply to

    • Kivi
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    • CA
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    Re: False accusations from an ex-girlfriend restraining order

    Since you instructed your attorney to get this "over with", I suspect that you are going to have a difficult time getting this order lifted. You appear to have agreed to it.

    Also, your time limits for an appeal probably have run out on you.

    I don't see a basis for a "damages law suit" if you agreed to the order, even if for the sake of expediency.

    My suggestion. Move on with your life. Stay away from her apartment building even if the order has expired. If there are people in her building that you know and would like to see, see them at other locations. (Shouldn't be that hard to pick up the phone and say, can you meet me at Mo Mo's on such and such a date and time.)

     

  • 03-29-2011 11:03 AM In reply to

    Re: False accusations from an ex-girlfriend restraining order

    So, to sum this up...you were accused of stalking and you accepted the RO rather than fight it because it would have " .... cost thousands of dollars and it would have destroyed  them."

    I can't begin to understand that.  You could have fought it and opted not to. Your bad. You don't get to sue someone now because of it.  You could have appealed but considering you accepted it and never fought it, I am not sure how you could have done that.

    It doesn't seem to me she is the one causing you problems.  There are many times a couple breaks up and their friends side with one or the other and stops being friends with the other person. That is hardly unusual. You want to prove now you had business in her building? You should have done it at the time. You said the police were in the building looking for you....and? As the previous poster pointed out, the police looking for someone in itself does not necessitate that that person did something wrong. If you told everyone 'oh I have a restraining order against me"....well then you told them, not the ex gf.

    You are on here claiming things like she is a "call girl"...which has zero legal bearing other than the fact it kinda shows you are trying to cause her problems.

     

  • 03-29-2011 9:51 PM In reply to

    • Garrigan
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    • NY
    • Posts 11

    Re: False accusations from an ex-girlfriend restraining orde...

    Clarification on this statement "If I had allowed it to go to trial it would have cost thousands of dollars and it would have destroyed  them."  It was not my original intention to pursue this issue beyond putting it in the past.  I originally had no intention of pursuing my ex-girlfriend because it was more important to restart my life.  I had purchased a new apartment in June of 2010 and I had accepted a position at a firm in midtown.  I did not want to cause issues with the new job by having to take days off from work for court dates and because I had just come out of a financial slump I did want to spend a fortune in legal fees.

  • 03-29-2011 9:56 PM In reply to

    • Garrigan
      Consumer
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    • Joined on 03-29-2011
    • NY
    • Posts 11

    Re: False accusations from an ex-girlfriend restraining order

    I want to thank everyone for their feedback.  Several people that I know had suggested that I sue her and the building manager.  These same people said they would have spent every nickel clearing their name if they were in my position.  From my point of view is was worth exploring it.

    As I had told these same people it was far better to walk away from the issue and put the past in the past and look onwards into the future which coincides with some of the feedback from this forum.

    Thank you

  • 03-29-2011 10:03 PM In reply to

    • Garrigan
      Consumer
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    • Joined on 03-29-2011
    • NY
    • Posts 11

    Re: False accusations from an ex-girlfriend restraining orde...

    and because I had just come out of a financial slump I did want to spend a fortune in legal fees.

    Correction: "and because I had just come out of a financial slump I did not want to spend a fortune in legal fees."

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