Step-mother & Shared Parenting

Previous | Next
 rated by 0 users
Latest post Tue, May 17 2011 11:46 AM by missingmyhubby. 29 replies.
  • Wed, May 11 2011 10:51 AM

    Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    I am married to my husband who is now part of the U.S. Army. A year and half ago before we were married but living together we came up with a Shared Parenting agreement with his sons mother. They were never married but decided on an agreement and we filed it with the court. My husband just left for basic training back in February and before that we met with his sons mother to discuss how things would go while he is gone. We decided to continue with same arrangement that was in place so it would be easier on child (who is almost 3) and so he could continue with he's constant surroundings and seeing me- his step-mother and his little sister. My husband and I started seeing each other when his son was only 4 months old, and since day 1, we've had constant battles with his mother. We were very lucky to actually get shared parenting. But now once again Im running into issues with her. My husband isnt due back home until the middle of August. My question is- since a shared parenting agreement is in place, but my name isnt actually inputed anywhere in the papers, am i still entitled to the agreement and half the time with my step-son? This has been a very stressful time for me and my husbands two children and just want to make sure my step-son has something constant in his life. His mother does not have a job and bounces back living with her mom or her dad, so I want to make his environment here stable as possible.

  • Wed, May 11 2011 10:58 AM In reply to

    Re: Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    Mrs. Cottrill:
    My question is- since a shared parenting agreement is in place, but my name isnt actually inputed anywhere in the papers, am i still entitled to the agreement and half the time with my step-son?

    Unfortunately, NO.  The agreement is between Father and Mother.  As long as father is away, mother has no obligation to you.

    Ok  I'm not a lawyer.  This is only my opinion /suggestion.  Most Replys' are based on information provided by the "original post" (OP).

  • Wed, May 11 2011 12:43 PM In reply to

    Re: Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    I understand where you are coming from but unfortunately your husband is probably going to have to file contempt. He also might want to see if he can get added that you can replace him for visits if he is deployed or not home. Some courts may or may not agree you should be able to see the child in his place but since the child has a sibling..the courts might agree with you.

  • Wed, May 11 2011 12:46 PM In reply to

    • LynnM
      Lawyer
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Mon, Apr 3 2000
    • CA
    • Posts 28,248

    Re: Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    I do not see how you can enforce your husband's visitation schedule. HE has rights to the child. You do not.

  • Wed, May 11 2011 1:19 PM In reply to

    • kath21
      Consumer
    • Top 25 Contributor
    • Joined on Sat, Apr 18 2009
    • CA
    • Posts 4,451

    Re: Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    Mrs. Cottrill:
    am i still entitled to the agreement and half the time with my step-son?

     

    No, step-parents have absolutely no rights or legal standing.  It is very unlikely a court would, essentially, give YOU visitation.

    Mrs. Cottrill:
    . His mother does not have a job and bounces back living with her mom or her dad, so I want to make his environment here stable as possible.

     

    And visits with you would not be "bouncing" the child back and forth?  Courts know the greatest stability in a child's life is the primary caregiver, not particularly WHERE she lives.  Indeed, the child's bio GP's are usually more important in the child's life than a step-parent; nothing wrong with him living or going there.  Being with family IS stability.

    A step-parent's job is a thankless one; if you can love the child unconditionally tho without any actual authority over him, you would be enriching his life immeasureably.  But when step's get too involved, denigrate the bio-parent's parenting, etc, it only causes issues.

    So if you love the child, don't make trouble except in the most dire of circmstances...and be sure to let a lawyer make the decision about "dire" as what average people think the law should address are usually wrong. 

  • Wed, May 11 2011 3:28 PM In reply to

    Re: Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    I am also a step mother.  We reside 3000 miles away from my stepdaughter but try to go back at least 1-2 times a year to her home state (she visits us 3-4 times yearly).  There are times when I fly back with my other daughters (her half sisters) without my husband. We have it written in our order that I am allowed to have my stepdaughter for overnight visitation whenever I am in town without my husband as long as I provide her with 30 day written notice.

    I know your situation is different, but Judges can order that visitation with you will still happen even if your husband is not there.

  • Wed, May 11 2011 3:32 PM In reply to

    • LynnM
      Lawyer
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Mon, Apr 3 2000
    • CA
    • Posts 28,248

    Re: Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    "We have it written in our order " Which is NOT the case here. Her husband can ask the court to modify the order in the future but she cannot do it while he is gone.

  • Wed, May 11 2011 4:26 PM In reply to

    Re: Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    THIS is the only answer that I needed, and if it could be modified now or in future. Ive been documenting everything in the past two and half years thats went on. His mother is only 21 and calls me throughout week to get him when she wants to go out or will come up with stories/lies (which we've caught her in) about things she's needed to do without him just so she can go out to drink. Reason I asked is because if I decline her she threatens to keep him from me, so just needed to know really what we need to do to prevent that. If I constantly do things for her, she's happy and wants me to have him all the time, if not then its other way around.

  • Wed, May 11 2011 4:29 PM In reply to

    Re: Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    the child has stable environment at our home and has own room because he is here HALF the week and every other weekend, whereas when he is with his mother they never stay at one home, different places every night, not a room of his own, and never sleeps by himself.

  • Wed, May 11 2011 5:00 PM In reply to

    • LynnM
      Lawyer
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Mon, Apr 3 2000
    • CA
    • Posts 28,248

    Re: Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    That is really not relevant.

  • Wed, May 11 2011 5:20 PM In reply to

    Re: Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    THEN what needs to be done, once my husband is home??

  • Wed, May 11 2011 5:28 PM In reply to

    • LynnM
      Lawyer
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Mon, Apr 3 2000
    • CA
    • Posts 28,248

    Re: Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    Your husband needs to go back to court and ask the court to modify visitation so that you have the right to see the child when he is deployed. However, there is no guarantee the court will allow it if Mom disagrees.

  • Wed, May 11 2011 5:32 PM In reply to

    • LynnM
      Lawyer
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Mon, Apr 3 2000
    • CA
    • Posts 28,248

    Re: Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    I know you don;t want to hear this but here goes:

    She can do that because she, as his mother, has the legal right. You, as the stepparent are a legal stranger to the child. The only 'right' you have is what your husband extends to you when he has the child. He can ask the court to allow you to have his visitation rights when he is deployed but the court may not agree to that or may allow a more limited visitation when it is just you.

    And before you are too hard on Mom - this is the woman he chose to have a child with and now she is 21 and he's moved on. It would be great if she could rise a bove it but it's not all that hard to understand that she's still somewhat immature.

  • Wed, May 11 2011 5:53 PM In reply to

    Re: Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    immaturity i get. but my husband and I just want whats best for his child. Dont understand how one minute to her Im his other mom, then next nobody. I love this child like my own, and see how we provide for him and how she does and it makes me sad for him. I want whats best for him, and I do understand her being his mother and her rights, being a mother myself, but we just want the best life for him, as we give our daughter.

  • Wed, May 11 2011 5:56 PM In reply to

    • LynnM
      Lawyer
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Mon, Apr 3 2000
    • CA
    • Posts 28,248

    Re: Step-mother & Shared Parenting

    We get it - you are a better mother. But you are not HIS mother. That is the legal issue - mothers have rights. People married to fathers do not.

Page 1 of 2 (30 items) 1 2 Next > | RSS

My Community

Community Membership New Users: Search Community