Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not mine?

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Latest post 03-12-2012 11:41 AM by Chikoo. 24 replies.
  • 03-07-2012 5:01 PM

    • Chikoo
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    Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not mine?

    Here is the situation:

    State: Texas

    County: Dallas

    Homeowner: Yes.

    Married for 15 years.

    Who am I: Father

    Our son who is now 8 years old while growing up resembled my wife. However, lately his looks have been changing and he resembles my wifes friend (a man) to a great extent. Obviously, this made me lose my sleep and I ordered a DNA test kit (non court permissible) from GTLDNA. I did the necessary and sent back the kit without raising any suspicions in the house. Today , the results of the test were just made available to me and my worst fear has come true. The test shows I have 0% probability that I am the Father.

    The next steps are quite obvious.

    There are many questions that need answers but the one question that I have for you at this point :

    Will I be required to pay child support for a child that is not mine?

     

     

  • 03-07-2012 5:11 PM In reply to

    Re: Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not mine?

    I think Texas has new law that will allow you to challenge/dispute paternity at this point, but the process takes time -- esp. if it's a matter of the bio-father having no interest in stepping up, whether he knows or has never known. "Will I be required to pay child support for a child that is not mine?" No offense, but I find it awfully odd that this is what you consider the most important aspect of the situation as it relates to the relationship to your kid, but ... sure, you can expect to be ordered to pay child support if the mother seeks it unless and until the issue is hammered out. You need to get off the internet and hire a divorce attorney (I gather). But I trust you've thought long and hard about how your choices will affect your kid and, regardless of how nice and thoughtful you are about it, what it will mean to his life if he ever finds out your primary concern was about $$$.
  • 03-07-2012 5:14 PM In reply to

    Re: Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not mine?

    By the way, I presume you believe that your wife knew you weren't the father.  There are in fact a number of women in this situation who wind up in deep psychological denial about such things and she'll be about as surprised as you to find out the result. How deep the self-delusion has to run of course depends on the nature and length of the relationship in question (the longer it went on, assuming it went on for very long, the deeper the self-deception would have to be).

    Sucks all 'round no matter how you slice it -- didn't mean to fail to convey that first time around.

  • 03-07-2012 5:26 PM In reply to

    Re: Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not mine?

    Chikoo:
    Will I be required to pay child support for a child that is not mine?

    Under Texas Family Code (FC) section 160.204 you are presumed to be the father of the child since apparently he was born during the marriage. The only way to rebut that presumption is either to (1) litigate the issue of paternity or (2) for you to file a denial of paternity AND for the real father to file an acknowledgement of paternity at the same time.

    You have a problem here because generally a presumed father must file the litigation to challenge paternity no later than the child's fourth birthday. FC § 160.607(a). The only exception to that is in FC § 160.607(b):

    "(b)  A proceeding seeking to adjudicate the parentage of a child having a presumed father may be maintained at any time if the court determines that:

         (1)  the presumed father and the mother of the child did not live together or engage in sexual intercourse with each other during the probable time of conception;  or

         (2)  the presumed father was precluded from commencing a proceeding to adjudicate the parentage of the child before the expiration of the time prescribed by Subsection (a) because of the mistaken belief that he was the child's biological father based on misrepresentations that led him to that conclusion."

    In short, you can challenge paternity now, but first you must convince the court that you were under the mistaken belief the kid was yours because your wife made misrepresentations to you that lead you to that conclusion. Then you'd be able proceed with rebutting the presumption and proving the kid is not yours. If you succeed in rebutting the presumption of paternity and getting the court to declare that you are not the legal father, then you'd be off the hook for child support.

    But you'd likely also be precluded from seeking any visitation or custody of the child, and the mother could then deny you a relationship with the child. Is that truly what you'd want? Think about the consequences and the effect on the child of suddenly losing contact with the only father he's ever known.

    If you wish to proceed with the challenge to paternity (whether or not you decide to divorce) then you ought to see a family law attorney in Texas ASAP. It won't be easy and won't be cheap if your wife fights you on this. Now that you know you are not the father, sitting on that challenge for some period of time may work against you in challenging paternity later. So if you're going to do it, you should do it soon.

  • 03-07-2012 5:28 PM In reply to

    • Chikoo
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    Re: Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not m...

    Of course I have started the thought process and while the other issues are moral, and I can figure those ones out, this question was one that I do not have an answer to. Will I end up doing that? Probably not, because the kid loves me dearly, and I do too. But the fact that he resembles the other guy (his biological father) so much, I will not even have to say anything. Even he will figure out who his father is. That is what sucks in this whole situation.

  • 03-07-2012 5:33 PM In reply to

    Re: Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not mine?

    By the way, misrepresentations that lead you to believe you are the father means more than not speaking up that you might not be the father. If the two of you never discussed it and you just assumed the kid was yours because she was your wife and you assumed her to be faithful that's not likely to cut it. You'll need to present evidence of something she said or did that indicated you were the father.

  • 03-07-2012 5:37 PM In reply to

    • Chikoo
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    Re: Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not mine?

    This is something that I am sure I am going to run into. She and that guy are good (no..best) friends for over 9 years now. She will either be ready for it, or totally go berserk if and when I raise this up. If the kid did not resemble his biological father so much, I could have cared less about this whole situation just for the kid's own secure future.

  • 03-07-2012 6:10 PM In reply to

    Re: Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not mine?

    I do believe Gov. Rick Perry passed a bill that allows men to dispute paternity up until 9/2012. You first should talk to an attorney about getting an official court recognized DNA test and going from there. Mom was toally wrong by duping you, I think all states should req. a DNA test when the child is born to save all these fiascos. However if you love the child amd he loves you then you may wind up breaking this kids heart and this is all thanks to Mom. If you truly had no idea this child may not be yours then you wre duped. If you had an idea earlier on then you should have disputed paternity much earlier than now.

  • 03-08-2012 11:20 AM In reply to

    Re: Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not mine?

    "If the kid did not resemble his biological father so much, I could have cared less about this whole situation ..." From an objective point of view, that's a bit of an odd position to take (assuming you actually believe that); if I were you, before I go off half-cocked, I'd sit down with a counselor to hash this out. If you're squared away, you'll see that the kid's looks should not be a deciding factor in ripping his life to shreds.
  • 03-08-2012 1:01 PM In reply to

    • Chikoo
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    Re: Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not m...

    >>"If the kid did not resemble his biological father so much, I could have cared less about this whole situation ..." From an objective point of view, that's a bit of an odd position to take <<<

    The reasoning is that the kid himself will figure out that something is amiss....he will have that question in a couple of years at the least as to why he resembles his mom's  friend and shares no resemblence with his "dad".

    This is a ticking time bomb. Do I let the kid blow it up or do I blow it up now?

     

  • 03-08-2012 1:06 PM In reply to

    • Kivi
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    Re: Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not m...

    That's not a legal question. Only you can decide what to do.

    Believe me, teenagers are VERY self-absorbed. It may never occur to your son to even think about this issue during his teen years.

  • 03-08-2012 1:10 PM In reply to

    • Drew
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    Re: Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not m...

    If you simply "didn't know" you may have shot your odds in the foot---it would seem that in your state you need to be a bit more assertive in a posture of being deceived and deliberately kept in the dark by a wife who was having an affair with a good friend.

    Look as a bare minimum you should be off the hook to support this child and the correct parent should be on the hook  and at least chronologically this is not some memory lapse attributed to a wife who forget who was whom just prior to getting married.  And I doubt you participated in some cuckhold event.



  • 03-08-2012 1:19 PM In reply to

    • CJ
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    Re: Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not m...

    So your son is 8 ... the affair happened 8 years ago. How has your actual marriage been in those 8 years?  Are you planning your divorce now because you and your wife have a bad marriage or is it based on the fact that you have found out that the child  who loves you and you love is not biologically yours?

    I would NOT tell your son what you have discovered.  He's 8. Nothing good will come from telling him right away.  What you need to do is sit with your wife and her friend and have a grown up conversation about what the next steps should be.

    You MUST keep something very important in mind. You said that you and your son have a good relationship and that you love him and he you. You've raised him as your son, introduce him as your son, probably have a picture of him in your wallet to show "your son" off.  For all intense and purpose, he is YOUR son. But you're now asking if you will be required to support YOUR SON if you divorce your wife just because your blood doesn't run through his veins? You do understand that if you choose to basically abondon this child it will be YOU who causes him emotional harm.  Love is supposed to be unconditional.

    My uncle was in the exact same position.  His (now ex) wife got pregnant during their marriage and my uncle was thrilled to have another little baby boy.  He raised him, loved him and never questioned if he was the father. But as my cousin got older, he started resembling the children of his wifes boss. Hmmm ... needless to say, when my cousin was 13 my uncle and his wife divorced.  It was revealed that my cousin was not his biological child. It REALLY screwed my cousin up. But my uncle stayed in his life.  Loved him, payed childsupport for HIS son and never looked back. He said that every penny in support was worth it.

  • 03-08-2012 2:15 PM In reply to

    • Chikoo
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    • TX
    • Posts 9

    Re: Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not m...

    Kivi:

    That's not a legal question. Only you can decide what to do.

    Believe me, teenagers are VERY self-absorbed. It may never occur to your son to even think about this issue during his teen years.

    There are people who have the habit of pointing out stuff. He may not realize but somebody in the social circle will do the bad deed, intentionally or unintentionally.

     

  • 03-08-2012 2:25 PM In reply to

    • Chikoo
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    • TX
    • Posts 9

    Re: Do I need to pay child support for a child that is not m...

    CJ:

    So your son is 8 ... the affair happened 8 years ago. How has your actual marriage been in those 8 years?  Are you planning your divorce now because you and your wife have a bad marriage or is it based on the fact that you have found out that the child  who loves you and you love is not biologically yours?

    I am looking at divorce based on the fact that my wife cheated. Nothing to do with the kid, but she should be responsible for his care, not me. If she wants support from the kids biological dad, that is her call, not mine.

     

    CJ:

    I would NOT tell your son what you have discovered.  He's 8. Nothing good will come from telling him right away.  What you need to do is sit with your wife and her friend and have a grown up conversation about what the next steps should be.

    You MUST keep something very important in mind. You said that you and your son have a good relationship and that you love him and he you. You've raised him as your son, introduce him as your son, probably have a picture of him in your wallet to show "your son" off.  For all intense and purpose, he is YOUR son. But you're now asking if you will be required to support YOUR SON if you divorce your wife just because your blood doesn't run through his veins? You do understand that if you choose to basically abondon this child it will be YOU who causes him emotional harm.  Love is supposed to be unconditional.

    Understood. Good points and as of now I am doing just that. Loving him like he is my own. In fact I may even be overcompensating by showing more love than I did before because what happened is not the kids fault. My wife screwed around, screwed me. But this little boy...not his fault. Why should he suffer? At the same time, how do I punish my wife, Make her realize that what she did has repurcussions to her life too, for a lifetime?

    CJ:

    My uncle was in the exact same position.  His (now ex) wife got pregnant during their marriage and my uncle was thrilled to have another little baby boy.  He raised him, loved him and never questioned if he was the father. But as my cousin got older, he started resembling the children of his wifes boss. Hmmm ... needless to say, when my cousin was 13 my uncle and his wife divorced.  It was revealed that my cousin was not his biological child. It REALLY screwed my cousin up. But my uncle stayed in his life.  Loved him, payed childsupport for HIS son and never looked back. He said that every penny in support was worth it.

    If I can have my way, I will not let the kid know about this. But at the same time, his mother and my wife needs to pay for her mistake.

     

    What hurts in the whole story for me is that in my entire life, I have never had sex with anybody else but my wife. I have never even visited a strip club for crying out loud. What did I do to deserve this? This is not a question I expect anybody to answer, but I had to let you know where I am coming from.

     

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