Being harassed and threatened by my childs family.

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Latest post 03-15-2012 4:42 PM by bengalboi8515. 8 replies.
  • 03-15-2012 12:31 AM

    Being harassed and threatened by my childs family.

    My ex got pregnant and moved away 3 months before giving birth to avoid me not allowing her to leave. My daughter is now 2 years old. we have a voluntary agreement on support. I gave up everything and move down to Florida to be with my daughter i went into a huge financial hole but still kept up with payments. I had no choice but to move back to my home state. My daughters moms brother has been consistently harassing me telling me I left my daughter and if i dont pay his sister they will make sure I never see my daughter again. I have no history of abuse, felonies, drugs, or any of the sort. He also tells me I have no clue whats going down and they are going to bring this stuff up in court. I feel this intimidation is illegal. and also I think I should take her to court to get to see my daughter here where she was conceived, and is it possible the mother would have to split the travel costs to get my daughter here because as I stated she left the state.

  • 03-15-2012 1:09 AM In reply to

    • Kivi
      Consumer
    • Top 25 Contributor
    • Joined on 01-01-2005
    • CA
    • Posts 6,168

    Re: Being harassed and threatened by my childs family.

    What most people call harassment is perfectly legal. His statements are crass, but not illegal. However, they probably won't mean much in court. Visitation and support generally are separate issues.

    Your biggest mistake was not getting paternity, support and custody/visitation established right after birth. I suggest that you do so now.

    However, if Mom and the child live in FL and have for at least six months, that is where you will have to start.  They appear to be legal residents of FL, not your state. Where the child was conceived is not really relevent.

    I would not count on a FL court awarding travel costs. You followed her to FL. You then chose to move back to your home state. Not a great fact pattern, I am afraid.

     

  • 03-15-2012 1:12 AM In reply to

    Re: Being harassed and threatened by my childs family.

    Stop talking to him, he has no legal rights here at all. So stop the communication and tell him this is between you and her, and he is nothing to do with anything. You may have to go to FL though to enforce any court agreements and if you do not have one you need to get one. If you have no court ordered support, then stop paying her.

  • 03-15-2012 1:31 AM In reply to

    Re: Being harassed and threatened by my childs family.

    @kivi..yeah those were some of the things I was worried about. But its a little more complex. She left without notifying me. I still loved her and she used that against me. During her time in Florida I visited as frequently as I could. Her nor her mom (who she lives with down there) were working. I sent her money every 2 weeks and sometimes more when she asked. I was there for my daughters birth. Have paid medical bills for my daughter. Her and her family have used the threat of court and cutting me off from my daughters life for about a year now. I moved down there and lived with my daughter, her mom, and her moms mom for about 4 or 5 months while down there. I paid mostly everything for my daughter (with a credit card because I had trouble finding a job) and she still made me pay her child support. She never involved me in any decisions in my daughters life. It got so bad financially after living there for 9 months that I had to move back her to PA. But since I have been back she has been threatening me about child support (which I am unemployed but start working again in 2 weeks) and her brother has been harassing and threatening me on her behalf. He has stated if I do not pay her she will try her hardest to make sure I never see ava again. He has said he will kill me, he will not stop til I am in jail. Stuff like that. Like I said I am not sure what it is that they have that he keeps saying is going to have me put in jail, I am clean all across the bored. He brings up that I go to the bar whille I have been back. I am 22 years old. If she lies to the court about the child support I have been paying and I am able to proof she is lying will that help, will she possibly be charged with perjury? And Florida law I heard no longer has "non-custodial and custodial" parents in order to try to equal the parents times and rights with the child which is why I feel I might have a slight chance of transportation costs being helped in order to make sure there is a relationship established between myself and my daughter. And @OliviasMom.....yeah I keep telling him to stop and hes not going to be allowed in court especially because of the things he says. He has never lived or really ever even been around my daughter so I honestly want to request him not being permitted to be present at the court hearing and when I have my daughter that he not be able to see her because he also always says he is going to tell my daughter everytime he sees her that I left her and stuff like that. I am a good dad and have given up everything to be with my daughter, now I am gettin back on my feet here in order to be able to support myself and her and there just harassing threatening and intimidating me to the point where its affecting me on a day to day basis. Sorry for the long spill I just really like this site and I am in need of real mature advice.

  • 03-15-2012 6:57 AM In reply to

    Re: Being harassed and threatened by my childs family.

    I am sorry for everything with her brother, but you have to understand some things.

    She was free to move away while pregnant, She did not need your permission to do so.  Since the baby was born in FL and they still live there, any court orders you file for and seek, must be filed in FL in the county they reside.    It is HIGHLY unlikely you get transportation awarded.  The child was born in FL, you lived in FL and you moved back.  Transportation is typically only awarded when both parents reside in the same area, child is born there, then one parent moves away causing the other parent to encur costs for visitation that did not exist to begin with. 

    Regarding "If she lies to the court about the child support I have been paying and I am able to proof she is lying will that help, will she possibly be charged with perjury?"   Don't even waste a breath thinking this will matter.  She can claim you have not supported the child, you can show your receipts. It would be up to the judge and perjury just doesn't happen in family court.  Child support by court order will only begin the date someone files for it. FL may go back 24 months.  Because you are not court ordered to pay, you can stop for now. If you continue to pay, clearly mark any check or money order you send as CHILD SUPPORT for Ava.  You would not legally get in trouble if you do not send child support because you have not been court ordered to do so.  Keep in mind, if you don't help, the child goes without. That is your decision. Once someone files for child support, it will be retroactive to the date it was filed for. For example, if she filed today for child support but it does not get to court for six months, the court will order child support effective today so you will owe for those six months.  So the best thing to do is put money away during those few months so you can pay it once ordered and don't start off in the negative. If you do not pay it when ordered, they will take what you owe for those six or so months, and add it to whatever amount is ordered to catch up those six months. For example, if they order you to pay 500 a month and there is 6 months till court, you would be 3000 owed for retro.  They would order you to pay the 500 a month + another 50 to pay off those six months you did not pay until that 3000 is paid off.  

    Regarding "And Florida law I heard no longer has "non-custodial and custodial" parents in order to try to equal the parents times and rights with the child which is why I feel I might have a slight chance of transportation costs being helped in order to make sure there is a relationship established between myself and my daughter."   Even if you lived in FL, you would not get equal time. With you being in PA, this is definitely not happening.   You could get shared legal custody, and not always with the distance involved, and you would get visitation.   Visitation is likely to be small increments of time and will increase.  Eventually you will be on a long distance visitation plan which typically is long holiday weekends, rotating holidays, and part of summer.  You will very likley have to pay all transportation costs.

    Your name on the birth certificate (is it?) in FL does not give you any rights because you are not married.  You have to file for them. Until you do, she is considered to be the sole legal custodial parent and as such, makes all decisions for the child including when and if you see the child. 

    You are going to have to either return to FL to file to establish paternity, visitation, and child support or hire a  lawyer to do this for you. 

    And ignore her brother. If he calls you, hang up. If you call her and he gets on the phone, hang up. He is being a protective brother. Not saying it is called for or not, but he is not someone who is going to disappear so you are going to have to figure out how to deal with him.  The court could order he is not present for exchanges, etc... but if he is, you are going to have to file to have that enforced and depending on the story they give and how you are painted, the court may not even order it.

  • 03-15-2012 7:46 AM In reply to

    • Drew
      Consumer
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 03-30-2000
    • PA
    • Posts 49,585

    Re: Being harassed and threatened by my childs family.

    She and her family are entitled to bad mouth you--free speech is allowed.  She was free to relocate to Tibet if she so chose

    You blew it while in FL not to get court ordered visitation in place--if you want visitation you leed to fight for it in court in FL.

    You have no legal duty to pay her a dime until a FL court so orders ---but I think FL can order CS retroactive to date of birth so you could be ordered to payback to day 1.

    There is a bit of a problem in that some states treat payment made w/o an order as a "gift" and you get no credit for your past "gifts" ---I do NOT know how FL treats this----but given the adverse family dynamics  I'd check it out if I were in your shoes--and be ultra careful,  lest whatever I do send sort of disappears in the final analysis



  • 03-15-2012 12:18 PM In reply to

    Re: Being harassed and threatened by my childs family.

    bengalboi8515:
    He has said he will kill me

     

    That's a threat.  I would contact the police whenever he threatens you and possibly try for a restraining order against him.

  • 03-15-2012 4:40 PM In reply to

    Re: Being harassed and threatened by my childs family.

    @splum1 Thank you very much for your honest answer. Those are the things I was worried about. On a minor good note, I do have a good lawyer and judges are human so I feel I can get something better than what its at now. I do not want to fight my daughters family. My daughters mom is an amazing mother. Their relationship is so great. I dont want it to be Me vs. Her....Its just about me and my daughter. I have a stable life here in Pa. A stable home, stable support for Ava. Since my last post I actually had a somewhat civil convo with my daughters mom about her brother and she said he is just angry and none of the things he said are true on her behalf. She doesnt even want to take this to court. I just feel the father always gets the short end of the stick. They didnt move for any more positive reason than staying. Her mom inherited a house and car with the passing of a relative. She sold the house and moved to Florida and bought one. But as I said I appreciate your response, it really helps with what direction I am going to choose to take this. I have one more question in regards to all this. I did the math and the costs of transportation to get my daughter here and get her back there will be around a thousand dollars. That just doesnt seem possible in a 3 week span of time, especially with all my other bills and financial obligations. Is there any government program, or any type of aid that can assist me with these costs. Because right now I dont see it being possible to afford to see her for a very long time. :/

  • 03-15-2012 4:42 PM In reply to

    Re: Being harassed and threatened by my childs family.

    Also, yea I was worried about the "gift" thing but I was sending her money over paypal and the reason was child support and her name was on it so I am hoping thats enough.

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