Grandparents and Parental Alienation

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Latest post 12-14-2008 1:10 PM by chloezoe. 40 replies.
  • 12-09-2008 7:19 AM

    • kmm71
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    Question [=?] Grandparents and Parental Alienation

    I am the grandmother of 2 beautiful grandchildren ages 11 and 8. Their parents have been divorced since February, when my son left he took his personal items and cloths. He did not want the children to have to move from the only home they had ever known, so he let their mother have the house, all property, and all of the savings. I am saying this to just give you an idea that he loves his children, he knew the divorce would be hard and wanted to do whatever he could to lessen the change coming to their lives.During the seperation relationships were strained between my husband, myself, and our son. The ex-wife was close to my husband and me before the seperation and during.From the time the children were born we had them for a few hours at least twice a week and usually over night once. Since the divorce, we have repaired the relationship with our son and the relationship with the ex has changed dramatically. We knew the realtionship would change somewhat,but never expected to be denied to see our grandchildren.We make continous calls that are never returned, we never know what activities, or programs they have at school. We try e-mailing to set up a time to go out to eat and we invite their mother to go. We are told that they don't want to spend time with us. I know what the mother does, last winter when it snowed my grand daughter ask if she could spend the next day with her dad since school was called off and he was home, and the mother starts telling her if she doesn't go to her cousins their feelings will be hurt, thing have been planned. The children and their mother were going to a thearpist and she told us that the thearpist told her she needed to move on, and the children should be distanced from us. We met with the mother and thearpist (to see why he would say this) and found this is not "exactly" what was said. Since then she no longer goes to the thearpist.The mother says that we should see the children on the weekend the father has them, and we usually see them at church, or share a meal, unless the mother has scheduled activites for them while they are with the father. My guestion is do I have any legal action to take? In the state of Indiana what are the rights of grandparnets?
  • 12-09-2008 8:41 AM In reply to

    re: Grandparents and Parental Alienation

    Most states handle grandparent visitation rights differently. You would need to speak to local counsel. That being said, grandparents rights are typically when the child has resided with the grandparents or spent an unusal amount of time with them prior to the divorce. (not normal visits) and you want to ensure that strong bond continues.

    Many judges will not entertain grandparents rights and would agree with Mom, you need to work out something with Dad to see the children during his time.

    Mom is entitled to her weekends with the children and Dad is your son. Would seem to make sense to ask him to bring them over for a visit.

    Have you tried to work out something with him?
  • 12-09-2008 8:55 AM In reply to

    • kmm71
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    More [=+=] re: Grandparents and Parental Alienation

    His time is so limited with them I hate to take time from him; He does bring them over and we share a meal, and we go over to his home to see them; but 2 hours every two weeks, is not what we are accustom to. The children never lived with us but spent so much time at our home that neighbors thought we had custody of them.
  • 12-09-2008 9:16 AM In reply to

    re: Grandparents and Parental Alienation

    You should talk with local counsel to see if there is anything you can file. But normally, your time would have to be during your son's time. You don't have any right to see the kids during their mom's time.
  • 12-09-2008 9:35 AM In reply to

    • kmm71
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    More [=+=] re: Grandparents and Parental Alienation

    It just seems so unfair, we had things that we did with our grandchildren, and now we are being pushed out of their lives, it just doesn't seem like Grandparents matter.
  • 12-09-2008 12:29 PM In reply to

    Feedback [*=*] re: Grandparents and Parental Alienation

    G-parents have few rights and you will have to see the kids on your sons time and if he wants more time with them he can ask for it. I do not agree with a court forcing a parent to give visits to the grandparents except in rare cases. I highly doubt a court is going to award you visitation when your son has it.
  • 12-09-2008 1:29 PM In reply to

    • SPlum
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    re: Grandparents and Parental Alienation

    You aren't being pushed out...you have to talk to your son about allowing you to have time with your grandchildren. You don't want to take time away from him, but you think Mom should give up her free time with the children. Mom is entitled to her weekend time as well to spend time with the children not doing routine things (school, homework, etc..) She is entitled to off time as well.

    Speak to local counsel but it is not likely you will gain anything from it.
  • 12-09-2008 1:41 PM In reply to

    re: Grandparents and Parental Alienation

    Most states don't have grandparent's rights, per se.

    Although Mom is pretty immature, her actions are par for the course...unfortuately.

    Best you serve yourself and the kids by staying on her good side and perhaps she'll relent when she needs free babysitting, etc. Of course, if you seem broken-hearted about this, she'll use the kids' absence to hurt you further.

    Try to maintain a good relationship but not too open about your pain; pretend ambivalence to "play" against childish Mom. Good luck.
  • 12-09-2008 1:51 PM In reply to

    Question [=?] re: Mom scheduling activities during Dad's time

    "The mother says that we should see the children on the weekend the father has them, and we usually see them at church, or share a meal, 'unless the mother has scheduled activites for them while they are with the father'."

    Why is Mom scheduling activities during Dad's time? She has no right to do this unless Dad agrees. Dad's time is his. Mom has to butt out.
  • 12-09-2008 2:03 PM In reply to

    • kmm71
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    Sad [:(] re: Mom scheduling activities during Dad's time

    That is a major concern of ours, she schedules appointments, then my11 year old grand daughter tells her dad what they have to do, like a school project, and in 2 weeks when it is my sons weekend they are going to do it at the mothers house. That evening they were to come to our home in the evening for some Christmas craft making, I called and ask my grand daughter about the project, pretended to be excited, ask for pictures of the project, and ask how long it was going to take she said a coulple of hours, someone in the background ( I assume mom) said something and she replied well 2 to 5 hours, (there goes my time). This is how everything is with the mother, so I hate to ask my son for time, yes he has them from 6 on Friday to 6 on Sunday but actually every scheduled visitation mom has something planned. I can't understand why it was scheduled for that weekend, and why if that is the only weekend it can't be done at her dads.
  • 12-09-2008 2:14 PM In reply to

    Feedback [*=*] re: Mom scheduling activities during Dad's time

    Dad needs to tell Mom to stop scheduling activities during his visitation ASAP. Mom has NO right to see kids during Dad's time. She can not pick kids up for appointments or projects unless she has Dad's permission. Period. Dad needs to put a stop to this pronto!
  • 12-09-2008 2:39 PM In reply to

    • kmm71
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    Sad [:(] re: Mom scheduling activities during Dad's time

    That would work with a mature person, but we are not dealing with one. She will not communicate with my son, the last e mail we received from her she wanted us to talk with him and change his mind about holidays and the kids, our reply to her was they are adults and they need to talk to one another. He gets no communication from her if the kids are sick, if they have programs at school, he only knows from the kids themselves and it is not fair to them to expect them to carry messages back and forth. When he has them he tries to make it as pleasent for them as possible, and not bring up mom, they seem to get very nervous when she is brought up; like they don't want to talk, so we try to avoid the subject
  • 12-09-2008 2:47 PM In reply to

    • DPH
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    Question [=?] re: Mom scheduling activities during Dad's time

    Taking all of the previous posts in to account, it sounds as if Dad needs to either...

    1) Grow a backbone and stand up to Mom, or

    2) File for more visitation. If Dad had them one extra night a week, maybe he could let them spend the night with you and let you take them to school (this is assuming that all live in the same area).

    I know that you want to see your Grandkids, but you really have no legal standing to bring pressure either on Mom or Dad.

    By the way, what is Dad's attitude in all of this...?

    "Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."  -  Mark Twain

     

  • 12-09-2008 2:48 PM In reply to

    re: Mom scheduling activities during Dad's time

    Dad needs to take Mom to court for contempt if she doesn't follow the order. Otherwise, she'll become more and more controlling when she isn't held to the order.
  • 12-09-2008 2:54 PM In reply to

    • kmm71
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    Sad [:(] re: Mom scheduling activities during Dad's time

    Dad's attitude is that he doesn't wamt to stoop to momslevel and put the kids in the middle like she does. He feels and I agree they are under a tremoundous amount of pressure. When they go home they are not allow to talk about what happens at their dads. But I agree my son needs to stand up to her. He has them 3 hours one evening a week and every time they have homework. I understand school and home work, but when they are with their mother they seem to be able to go where ever in the evenings, while my son sits with them doing the homework.
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