Emotional distress?

Latest post 09-01-2012 3:04 AM by DOCAR. 14 replies.
  • 07-15-2012 10:17 AM

    Emotional distress?

    Can I sue my husband for emotional distress?

    He left me 3 months ago saying he needed space.  He was cold and mean but we got better and vaguely talked about reconciling and the future, when he wasn't so busy and stressed at work.  Over the course of the next few months I discovered some odd e-mails between him and a coworker, confronted him, he dnied.  I eventually pieced together all the miserable evidence and found he has signed up to lease an apartment with her and is living with her (NY apartments require a one year lease usually) so a commitment.  Again I confronted him, he denies despite it all (because they could get fired I suppose)

    So, we are still married,  we are not even legally separated, he never really mentioned divorce and talked about me sorting myself out (!) so we could reconcile.  His lies an denial have broken me, I am seeing two therapists and had to cancel a course I was going to do because I'm not fit to do it. I also have anxiety but can't take meds due to asthma and low blood pressure.

    I have reems of his lies in e-mail, and my desperate attempts to confront him, and he has not come to face me once, and still refuses.  Help!  Is this severe emotional abuse?

  • 07-15-2012 10:27 AM In reply to

    • LG81
      Consumer
    • Top 25 Contributor
    • Joined on 01-03-2010
    • Posts 4,338

    Re: Emotional distress?

    Womaninamess:
    Is this severe emotional abuse?

    Womaninamess:

    Can I sue my husband for emotional distress?

     

    While it could be considered emotitional abuse, there is nothing to sue for. Things like this unfortunately happen in marriages.  If you file for divorce, you may be able to get spousal support, but that depends on many factors (income of the parties, length of marriage, etc.).  Emotional abuse would not play into the amount of any awarded alimiony.

     

     

  • 07-15-2012 10:37 AM In reply to

    Re: Emotional distress?

    Womaninamess:
    Can I sue my husband for emotional distress?

    While you could file the lawsuit, you'd not win anything. Essentially, you want to sue for the harm caused by his affair with this other woman. Most states, including NY, have eliminated actions against either the spouse or his lover for what were known as "heart balm" torts. Your legal remedy here is to file for divorce to separate yourself from this lout and move on with your life.

  • 07-15-2012 10:42 AM In reply to

    Re: Emotional distress?

    Thanks.

    Maybe I should mention, that when he abandoned me, he knew I was pretty much alone.  I moved to the US to be with him when he got transfered here, and have no family and few friends here.

    He has been insulting and abusive on many occasions and now has done this, they are both very senior people where they work, so many issues are involved as well.  She has also pursued him for years....

    Isn't this pretty extreme though?

  • 07-15-2012 10:50 AM In reply to

    Re: Emotional distress?

    Womaninamess:
    Isn't this pretty extreme though?

    Unfortunately no.  It is typical of a marriage that is ending.  It is just a lot bigger in your individual case due to your being so far from your normal support system.

    Womaninamess:
    I moved to the US to be with him when he got transfered here, and have no family and few friends here.

    Which will be a factor in any support you might seek.  The sooner you file for divorce and hire the biggest baddest lawyer the sooner he will be hit in the wallet if that is going to occur.

    Womaninamess:
    He has been insulting and abusive on many occasions and now has done this, they are both very senior people where they work, so many issues are involved as well.  She has also pursued him for years.

    Unfortunately the courts don't have a remedy for rude.  If he is senior at his job you stand a good chance that his financial status is important to him.  The way to get some of your pride back may be to hit him where it hurts.  Having to pay out of pocket may cause him more stress than anything else you might do.  Consult a great divorce attorney ASAP.

    "That's just my opinion, then again I might be wrong."  Dennis Miller

     

  • 07-15-2012 11:38 AM In reply to

    Re: Emotional distress?

    I suggest you get a lawyer and file for divorce ASAP.

    You're deluding yourself if you think there is any other road for you to take.

     

    • The right of the people 
    • to keep and bear arms,
    • shall not be infringed.
  • 07-15-2012 11:44 AM In reply to

    Re: Emotional distress?

    I already have my lawyers retained.  I really was just curious as to how much this may sway my case.  He's been incredibly cruel and it's almost destroyed me.  I can't even get them both fired as that would mean no spousal support!  I'm in a catch 22.

  • 07-15-2012 11:51 AM In reply to

    Re: Emotional distress?

    What you are going through for is a typical divorce. There is nothing to sue for outside of anything divorce related. Of course him leaving you is going to leave you distressed unfortunately almost everyone going through a divorce is dealing with this. You file for divorce and you can ask for some spousal support if you qualify for it and some assets. Outside of that there is ot much else you can do. My husband and I are separated and going through a divorce. A guy I had been dating I just found out cheated on me with my friend, no less. So I have had to permamently end it with him and dissolve a friendship. I'm pretty devastated but this is life and I have to pick up the pieces and move on.

    Good luck

  • 07-15-2012 11:56 AM In reply to

    Re: Emotional distress?

    Good luck to you too, I feel your pain.

    Life is so unfair sometimes. I'm going to do OK out of the divorce by the looks of it, but it irks me he walks away with his reputatation in tact (and her too) whilst I'm left to pick up a devastated life.

    Thanks everyone, I'll leave it with the lawyers..

  • 07-15-2012 12:21 PM In reply to

    Re: Emotional distress?

    If it's any consolation, her prize is being with a cheater and abuser.

    • The right of the people 
    • to keep and bear arms,
    • shall not be infringed.
  • 07-15-2012 1:13 PM In reply to

    Re: Emotional distress?

    Womaninamess:
    I'm going to do OK out of the divorce by the looks of it, but it irks me he walks away with his reputatation in tact (and her too)

    No he doesn't.  As much as they think no one at work knows what is going on, they do.  I have yet to see a couple who do this stuff on the job keep it private.  Somehow, one of them talks to SOMEONE and the word gets out and behaviors they think are subtle aren't.  If she has been pursuing him for a while then her female co-workers know about it.  

    Also, in this country we have an old saying:  "leopards don't change their spots."  If he cheated on you to be with her he will eventually do the same to her and if she was immoral enough to chase a married man she will likely do it again as well when she tires of him.  They deserve each other and you deserve better.  Clean his clock and move on.

    "That's just my opinion, then again I might be wrong."  Dennis Miller

     

  • 07-15-2012 1:27 PM In reply to

    Re: Emotional distress?

    Thanks, I know I'm better off without him.  It's surprising if people know they haven't been fired.

    Working on competitor accounts, moral issues, sexual harassement lawsuits, questions of integrity and the fact he is still married!

     

  • 07-15-2012 1:55 PM In reply to

    Re: Emotional distress?

    Concentrate on getting out of the bad marriage and getting on with your life.

    Let Karma take care of those two.

     

    • The right of the people 
    • to keep and bear arms,
    • shall not be infringed.
  • 09-01-2012 3:04 AM In reply to

    • DOCAR
      Lawyer
    • Top 25 Contributor
    • Joined on 12-09-2000
    • NV
    • Posts 5,205

    Re: Emotional distress?

    And in no state that I am aware of, can you get emotional distress in a marriage or divorce situation.  States have done away with those laws is they even had them.

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