Parents nasty divorce

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Latest post 08-24-2012 5:20 PM by Taxagent. 9 replies.
  • 08-23-2012 9:44 PM

    Parents nasty divorce

    My name is Natalie I'm 16 and my parents are going through a very nasty, mean divorce. I am tired of it all. My mom has court next month I'm not sure what for but their divorce is not final and my father refuses to give my mom any money. She never worked much and stayed home and raised me and my younger sisters. We have no money and on food stamps. Our house is for sale and for some reason my Dad is trying to kick my mom out of the house and wants to move him and his girlfriend in. I over heard him say on the phone he does not care if my mother is homeless. He has also called CPS and the police on her for no reason. The police were here earlier for a complaint that we were left home alone yesterday. I lost the house key and we were outside for a while in the heat and we finally went to a neighbors house. He was actually supposed to pick us up yesterday after school, did not show up, and did not pick us up until today and my younger sister told him we were outside. I asked him why he did not pick us up and he said he was busy and it's not my business. My mom works 30 minutes away and she has to leave work when he calls CPS and the police and she is now in trouble and might lose her job. The police offer told my mom they are not going to do anything now but if he or his girlfriend call thje police again they can charged with filing a false report. CPS also said no abuse. My mom does not abuse or neglect us and I want my Dad to stop harassing my mother. If she loses her job due to complaints I do not know what we will do. The courts gave my Dad 50% temporary custody even though he is a day or 2 late in picking us up and everytime we go to his house he is out with his girlfriend and her kids are mean to us.  My dad does not even have a house we live in a trailer with his girlfriends kids when we visit there and I don't like it. My mother seems reluctant to standup to my father and is afraid of him. Am i allowed to talk to the judge during their next court date? I really want to stay with my mother and no longer want to visit with my Dad as long as he has trailer and girlfriend. We are also late to school a lot since he lives about 30 minutes away. My younger sisters feel the same way I do.

    Thank you

     

  • 08-23-2012 10:40 PM In reply to

    Re: Parents nasty divorce

    Every night I cry until my eyes get bloodshot.

  • 08-23-2012 10:49 PM In reply to

    Re: Parents nasty divorce

    natalie2014:
    Am i allowed to talk to the judge during their next court date?

    No way to know the answer to that without knowing the purpose of the hearing. In many states the court may take the views of older kids into account in determining custody and visitation issues. Your mother would need to arrange for that as part of the custody and visitation part of the divorce proceedings. It's your mother's role to fight for what she is entitled for in terms of custody and support. If she won't stand up for herself, your father will continue to walk all over her. What you might do is encourage your mother to take a stand and fight for what she is entitled to get.

  • 08-24-2012 6:18 AM In reply to

    Re: Parents nasty divorce

    All you can do is to continue to tell the truth to whomever is called to investigate.  If the next court hearing is concerning custody-  if your mom is represented by counsel- let her counsel know you wish to speak to the judge.  If your mom isn't represented by counsel- go to court with your mom and let the clerk know you are there and would like to speak to the judge ( it would be at the judge's discretion- normally).

    If the next hearing isn't concerning custody- your feelings about your dad wouldn't be relevant ( as to support or the divorce itself)

  • 08-24-2012 8:16 AM In reply to

    • Drew
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    Re: Parents nasty divorce

    Versy sorry to read of your plight being caught in the middle and worse.

    You have very limited input to yout parents debate --execpet to tell the truth if called upon to do so.

    If possible, help give your Mom the strenght to figh back at least for a reasonable economic answer to child support and alimony if applicable. If she fails to put up a good defense in court she is liable to wind up as dads doormat as he cavorts with his new pal. Parents have a right to part company but they also have a duty to care for the economic needs of thier children as well and at the very least you may be able to help mom stand up for you children.

    Some states do provide that the stronger economic person can be ordered to pay the weaker ones cost including lattorney costs while the contest wages--that helps prevent the weaker one from being starved into submission---I don't know what applies in your state--but mom needs to do more homework

     



  • 08-24-2012 1:53 PM In reply to

    Re: Parents nasty divorce

    Your father won't be in a position to kick you and your mom out of the house (at least not if your mom doesn't cave).  If your father has a job, he's an idiot to think the state will not come after him for whatever public assistance you and your mom need to get if he won't pay support.  (I presume your mother is seeking both spousal and child support.)

    "The police were here earlier for a complaint that we were left home alone yesterday."

    Well, given your age, I can't fathom why they'd even come by in the first place but I suspect the complaint wasn't just "left home alone."  It wouldn't be unlawful to leave a 16 year old at home in charge of younger siblings even for days.

    "... and she is now in trouble and might lose her job."

    Well, I hope that isn't the case and that her employer isn't an idiot.  She'd qualify for unemployment benefits if she gets fired for attending to an emergency like this.

    "The police offer told my mom they are not going to do anything now but if he or his girlfriend call thje police again they can charged with filing a false report."

    Well, that's good.

    "The courts gave my Dad 50% temporary custody even though he is a day or 2 late in picking us up and everytime we go to his house he is out with his girlfriend and her kids are mean to us."

    Your mom is free to bring this up in court.

    "My mother seems reluctant to standup to my father and is afraid of him."

    Then I would urge her to seek counseling about this and tell her that you understand she's afraid, but that her lack of courage is causing you damage.

    "Am i allowed to talk to the judge during their next court date?"

    There won't be a rule against it.  You're free to pipe up and see what happens, but I'd let your mother know that you want to speak if the hearing is about child custody issues.  If I were you, I'd pick an appropriate moment to say "Excuse me, your honor, but even if my mother doesn't know procedure or is afraid to rile up my father, my sisters and I would appreciate you letting us tell you what we think about this."

  • 08-24-2012 2:39 PM In reply to

    Re: Parents nasty divorce


    "There won't be a rule against it. You're free to pipe up and see what happens, but I'd let your mother know that you want to speak if the hearing is about child custody issues. If I were you, I'd pick an appropriate moment to say "Excuse me, your honor, but even if my mother doesn't know procedure or is afraid to rile up my father, my sisters and I would appreciate you letting us tell you what we think about this"

    Generally- that wouldn't be true or appropriate.  Only the parties are in the courtroom and the kids would be called as witnessess; they would not be in the courtroom until called.

  • 08-24-2012 4:09 PM In reply to

    Re: Parents nasty divorce

    Not necessarily true in my jurisdiction that a 16 year old couldn't or wouldn't be in the room (depends on the court's set-up, but she's a member of the public like everyone else).  And I think "appropriate" is out the window if this is a matter of the mother being a doormat (and that's not known but implied by the poster).  If that's the case, it's every lunatic for him-herself and the kid needs to (at least try to) do what she has to do despite her mother's "issues".  Worst thing that can happen is the judge says "uhm, no."

  • 08-24-2012 5:16 PM In reply to

    Re: Parents nasty divorce

    Chancey1:
    There won't be a rule against it.  You're free to pipe up and see what happens, but I'd let your mother know that you want to speak if the hearing is about child custody issues.  If I were you, I'd pick an appropriate moment to say "Excuse me, your honor, but even if my mother doesn't know procedure or is afraid to rile up my father, my sisters and I would appreciate you letting us tell you what we think about this."

    Not recommended. That's a good way to get the judge very upset at you. In court, judges tend to HATE outbursts from anyone in the courtroom — it's disruptive to the court proceedings that are taking place.  Make the outburst like this and I'd expect that the judge would bar the kid from the courtroom to prevent further outbursts. But it would not result in the kid talking to the judge. The child is not a party to the proceeding and MUST rely on her mother to arrange for her to give testimony to the court. Unless the mother asks for it, it won't happen. The judge isn't going to insist on it when no party to the proceeding is seeking it.

    And, by the way, it is quite common in court proceedings that witnesses are barred from the courtroom until called to testify so that their testimony will not be swayed by what they see and hear of the proceedings.

  • 08-24-2012 5:20 PM In reply to

    Re: Parents nasty divorce

    Chancey1:
    Worst thing that can happen is the judge says "uhm, no."

    No, technically the worst thing that can happen is that judge jails the kid for contempt for the outburst. Aside from that, the judge could hold the outburst against the mother in the proceedings.

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