My husband wants to adopt my 8 year old son

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Latest post 12-21-2012 6:29 AM by calgaryimmigration. 12 replies.
  • 11-30-2012 10:03 AM

    • lady213
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    My husband wants to adopt my 8 year old son

    Hello-

    My situation is a bit complicated so here it goes. I used to be in the Marines and when I came back from Iraq, a few months later I became pregnant. However, I had a boyfriend that I had broken up with and went back to my ex boyfriend with in that same week in September of 2003. My exboyfriend and I decided to get married and we did back in Oct of 2003. Come December, we figured out it was a mistake to marry and we had many problems. I decided to move out January 2004. I went back to my ex boyfriend while awaiting divorce papers, seperated from my then husband. February 2004 I found out I was pregnant and I didn't know how far along I was. When I finally found out, I was 4 1/2 months and I fell to the ground, devestated. At that point, I didn't know who was the father of my child. I told both my boyfriend at the time and husband at that time whom I was seperated with what was going on. Since my divorce papers were already turned in to the court I was just waiting the finalized judgement which in California it is 6 months wait. My son was born in July 2004 and technically I was still married and both my boyfriend and I decided to give my son my boyfriends last name, not the husband. The husband didn't want nothing to do with my son and pretty much said that my son had a father already. I offered both of them to take the DNA test and none of them wanted to take it. Time passed and I married my boyfriend in May of 2005. In my sons California birth certificate, it has my info as the mother and on the name part of the father it is blank, however my boyfriends place of birth and birthdate is on it, which really confused me because my boyfriend at the time signed the birth certiifcate. Early 2008, my husband at the time decided to finally take the DNA test. Results came back and it came out that it was not his child. We were devestated and he was very upset that I wanted to do a DNA test. My 2nd ex husband and I final divorce was in 2009. Now, I know that my first ex-husband is the birth father, he wants nothing to do with my son. I contacted him during the years and he was very reluctant. I even put child support on him in California in late 2008 and he was hard to find since he moved alot. Then I met my current husband who is a Marine in California. We married Feb 2010 and a month later we found out that he had orders to Virginia. When we finally were in Virginia, child support office in California had found my 1st ex-husband and the office refused to give me his address and his information since we no longer lived in California. I was instructed to re-open a new case in Virginia. Well, I didn't, we are only here temporary and we have a house in California and planning to move back when my husband retires from the Marines. While in Virgnia, I contacted my first ex husband via phone and I asked him to terminate his rights. His response was, if you are going to tell him I'm his biological father, then I'll meet him, but if not, I can sign my rights off. He is a very undecided person and has always been non-dependable. I don't think he will want to give me his address. 2010 the last time I ever heard from birth father and he has never met my son and it has been 8 years. Now my husband has military orders to Yuma, Arizona and we plan to be there May/June 2013 and he plans to do the adoption process there. What can we do?

    My scenario:

    My child is 8 yrs old and on his California birth certificate it states no name for father but only place of birth and birthdate of second ex husband.

    My child's birth father (1st ex husband) does not want to be part of his life since he hasn't made any efforts after me giving him my phone number to contact his child, since birth. I don't think he will want to give me his physical address to mail him court forms.

    My current husband wants to adopt my son and we will be residing in Arizona next year May/June 2013. Can my husband just adopt my son with out any of my 2 ex husbands consent? In both divorces, it states that we didn't have children. First one because when we divorced I didn't know who the father was, no DNA test was in place. The second time, he was so ***angry, that he said, well your son isn't biologically mine so I'm not stating that we have children. It should have not been any surprise because I told both of them right away that I wasn't sure who was the father of my son.

  • 11-30-2012 10:37 AM In reply to

    • Drew
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    Re: My husband wants to adopt my 8 year old son

    You may need to go back to starting point in CA with CA counsel to unwrap this one  --In general if you are married to somebody at the time a child is born there is a very strong legal presumption the child is a product of the marriage and there is a very small timewindow for the husband to dispute that view and it a successful dispute is not raised in the allowed timeframe then that person is locked in place as 'father" even if 101 DNA tests run later show otherwise  --tough to unwrap that .

    I'm not addressing what is 'fair" for the ex who was husdand at the time ..

    That person is also on the hook to provide CS even if child is not his bio product  but his duty to pay only starts when you get an order in place --it may be retroactive to the date you properly filed but probably not earlier .

    The issues of military and residency and domocile are another can of worms --I'm not so sure if your current spouse maintains a CA domocile while stationed in NC that you cannot file for CS under CA jurisdiction  --but wahtever it is your need to get filed in the right jurisdiction -pronto --and if you restart with a new clam you probably lose all the time frame of the earlier filing for collection purposes.

    There is something missing and you need to take care -get it clarified --if you were a CA resident as was the child at the time you filed for CS and those steps were properly done I don't follow why it is no longer a CA jurisdiction matter even if you moved out of state --not unless EX also moved out  --and then probably you need to move the order to your new state where child now is a resident if you have been there long enough and domesticate that existing order in new state  NOT start over again.

    What has been happening to sums ordered due you in past? Or did you fail to complete the steps ?



  • 11-30-2012 10:41 AM In reply to

    Re: My husband wants to adopt my 8 year old son

    lady213:
    Can my husband just adopt my son with out any of my 2 ex husbands consent?

     You can't do an adoption, step-parent or otherwise, without first terminating the rights of the biological parent/s.  It is required that they be given notice and an opportunity to be heard before rights are terminated.  Since you never completed the process of having a legal paternity determination, you made this more complicated.  This is not a DIY kind of project.  If you and your current husband are serious, you need to consult and retain experience counsel.  Both potential fathers will have to be contacted and the court is going to have to determine first who is the child's father before anybody's rights can be terminated.  Consult counsel. 

  • 11-30-2012 10:46 AM In reply to

    Re: My husband wants to adopt my 8 year old son

    You are probably going to have to give notice to both the 'father" you have a child support order against and the man listed on the birth certificate.

  • 11-30-2012 11:07 AM In reply to

    • lady213
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    Re: My husband wants to adopt my 8 year old son

    I will need the address of the birth father correct? And it was the birth father who I did the child support to, not the man stated on the birth certificate. Now, in the birth certificate, my second ex husbands name does not appear, only his place of birth and his birthday.

  • 11-30-2012 11:10 AM In reply to

    • lady213
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    Re: My husband wants to adopt my 8 year old son

    I am the biological mother and my current husband wants to adopt my son. I will have to get my first ex husbands address and at this point, I have no clue where he lives. I offered the DNA to both of them and they both denied. I guess my young 20 year old mind wasn't thinking right at the time and I should have made legal steps. What is a DIY? We can consult a lawyer from the military and he or she can probably lead us in the right direction when we arrive to Arizona since we only have 4 months left here in Virginia. Thank you for your response.

  • 11-30-2012 11:19 AM In reply to

    • lady213
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    Re: My husband wants to adopt my 8 year old son

    What is CA Counsel? I'm not familiar with that term. Well since my son was born while his birth father and I were married, the DNA will prove that he is the father. Now are you saying that birth father is still accountable to provide CS or my second ex husband? I only have done a CS order against his birth father, not second ex husband. My husbands current residency is TX and I petitioned for CS before him and I got married. At the time, I was a California resident along with my son. The California Child Support office told me to claim in my current state because current birth father was not residing in California at the time.

    Since he was never found while we were residing in California, I have received zero money from him. CA CS didn't find him until we moved to Virginia. That is why CA CS told me to open a new file in Virginia. Birth father does not live in California any more and since he is from MIssouri, I think he moved back to Missouri. He was a prior Marine also. All I know is that he has a facebook and it is very private. I do not have an address for him and I will probably have to send him a message on his facebook to send me his address. I have a feeling he will not want to give it to me because he says that he doesn't want to pay back pay child support. If he doesn't want to pay CS, then he needs to terminate his paternal rights.

  • 11-30-2012 11:22 AM In reply to

    Re: My husband wants to adopt my 8 year old son

    DIY = do it yourself.  Serious efforts will have to be made to locate both men and the court can compel them to submit to DNA testing.  Had you pursued the matter way back when, the court could have compelled DNA testing at the time. The military lawyers are not equipped, nor truthfully qualified to handle any part of this.  You need an family law attorney that has experience in handling parental termination proceedings & adoptions.  Not to deter you but you do need to understand up front that it's going to be expensive. 

  • 11-30-2012 11:52 AM In reply to

    • lady213
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    Re: My husband wants to adopt my 8 year old son

    gemini47:

    DIY = do it yourself.  Serious efforts will have to be made to locate both men and the court can compel them to submit to DNA testing.  Had you pursued the matter way back when, the court could have compelled DNA testing at the time. The military lawyers are not equipped, nor truthfully qualified to handle any part of this.  You need an family law attorney that has experience in handling parental termination proceedings & adoptions.  Not to deter you but you do need to understand up front that it's going to be expensive. 

    Well, I wonder how I will have to do it myself and will probably have to go to the Arizona courts in the Family Department section to get all the paperwork or checklist that I need to make this happen (now I know why I never followed through because this is emotionally draining). We do not have the money to hire an attorney and usually military lawyers can provide information to military members because they not only deal with military laws, but they do have a family department as well that are familiarized with current state laws. According to the Child Support Services web site "establishing paternity is the process of determing the legal father of a child. When parents are married, paternity is automatically established in most cases." I still do not know why I have to contact my second ex husband to establish paternity since we know he is not the father. We both did a private non-court DNA test, which I still have and the test stated he wasn't the father. If the court mandates a paternity test from both, then so be it.

    Also I just called the CA CS office and my case was closed in 2010 since we moved to Virginia. I had opened the case in 2009 and it took them almost a whole year to find him just to tell me that I have to re-open a case here in Virginia. I also asked if I could get his address and they said that it was confidential and couldn't give me his recent address. The same would go for him if he would call for my address.

  • 11-30-2012 12:13 PM In reply to

    Re: My husband wants to adopt my 8 year old son

    According to the laws in your state ( AZ)- you file to terminate the rights of any possible fathers- they must receive notice- if they receive notice and don't show up- the court will terminate their rights.  There is no need for any paternity tests.  If either shows up- they can request DNA before proceeding on the termination.  Private DNA tests won't help you; you still need to give notice to any one named on birth certficate ( have no idea why someon'es address and birthdate without their name would be on birth certificate unless typo) or who you have named as father ( filing for child support). 

  • 11-30-2012 12:34 PM In reply to

    • lady213
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    Re: My husband wants to adopt my 8 year old son

    JoBraver:

    According to the laws in your state ( AZ)- you file to terminate the rights of any possible fathers- they must receive notice- if they receive notice and don't show up- the court will terminate their rights.  There is no need for any paternity tests.  If either shows up- they can request DNA before proceeding on the termination.  Private DNA tests won't help you; you still need to give notice to any one named on birth certficate ( have no idea why someon'es address and birthdate without their name would be on birth certificate unless typo) or who you have named as father ( filing for child support). 

    Thank you so much for replying! It seems like this route is a bit easier. I do have my second ex husbands address, which he is the one stated on the birth certificate with a blank name under father but only his DOB and city and state where he was born (I thought that was wierd too). As far as the biological father, I do not know his address and I will attempt everything to retreive it. The birth father is the one I attempted to have Child Support on. Again, many thanks to your advice, I will do that as soon as we get to Arizona.

  • 11-30-2012 1:04 PM In reply to

    • Drew
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    Re: My husband wants to adopt my 8 year old son

    You are going to need a pro to walk you thru the complicated road you left behind.

    In general your husband at the time is the childs legal father  w/ or w/o any DNA confirmation, even if he was 100 miles away and just got shot in the groin with a RPG ,  unless he made a timely contest of it consistent with the applicable state law.  The law is designed to protect the status of children, not possible wayward parents.

    If you ceased to be a California resident before all the necessary steps were completed to file against  either your husband at the time or the supposed bio dad then yes it is possible that an incomplete actin dies when you leave California --and you need a totally new action starting in your new place of residence --better get it fully propely started before you move again?? .

    Once properly inserted on the hook the legal father has a duty to pay child support

    I simply do not know if the legal dad  can get the bio dad to step up and pay instead even if it is a DNA for sure  result --but I really doubt it at this late date



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