Fighting for full custody

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Latest post 12-20-2012 9:31 PM by DPH. 8 replies.
  • 12-18-2012 7:07 PM

    Fighting for full custody

    Ok so, I am a single mother who has gone to court numerous times over the fathers visitation and he is now awarded every other weekend with our 2 year old son.  My concern is that he is not the best father figure to be in his life.  He has a history of being in and out of jail and just today was released from a rehab.  He is constantly giving up his weekends with the baby and I don't feel it's fair to my son.  The constant change and uncertainty is not healthy for the baby.  So I would like to file for full custody but don't know if it would just be a waste of time.

    some thoughts please.

  • 12-18-2012 7:57 PM In reply to

    Re: Fighting for full custody

    I am NOT a lawyer

    But some questions, that I don't reallly want you to answer to me

     

    you don't think he's a great father figure?

    But, you had a child with him???

    The best thing I can think of is to get a lawyer to represent you, and then take it from there.

    Good luck!

     

  • 12-18-2012 8:26 PM In reply to

    Re: Fighting for full custody

    He is Dad and he does have some rights. He has already been granted visits so I'm not sure what "full' custody is going to get you? If Dad wants to be a part of the childs life the court is going to let him. He does not have to use his visits. Honestly you picked him to be the father of your kid his jail history is probably irrelevent. it is NOT healthy for the child to have no relationship with his father. Until you can prove he has harmed the child and abusive to the child, there is probably not much you can do.

  • 12-18-2012 8:43 PM In reply to

    • Drew
      Consumer
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    • Joined on 03-30-2000
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    Re: Fighting for full custody

    Odds are he gets some role in childs life.

    He has a right but not a duty to exercise visitation--that said you can follow order to a T and not allow him to swap weekends etc.

    If he uses less than the order allows--isn't that sort of your desire --why fight just yet --especially with poor odds.



  • 12-19-2012 6:58 AM In reply to

    Re: Fighting for full custody

    Keep a log of all his missed visits.  After a period of missed visits, you may be able to request that his visits be reduced.  if he relapses,  that would be the time to file- not when he has just completed rehab and probably missed some visits due to rehab and jail.  Some states require an assessment of risk to the child if the parent has been convicted of certain offenses.  I don't know if your state is one of those states.

  • 12-19-2012 5:12 PM In reply to

    Re: Fighting for full custody

    Not precisely clear what you mean by "constant change".  A two-year old won't be overly concerned about the ramifications of the father "constantly giving up his weekends."  Certainly, when the child gets older, he'll start to wonder.

    "So I would like to file for full custody but don't know if it would just be a waste of time."

    It's unclear what you mean by "full custody" but the likelihood of the father having visitation yanked altogether (which is presumably what you're getting at) vs. every other weekend is virtually nil.  Naturally, you're free to file, but I do believe it would be a waste of time. 

    Even if the rehab was court-ordered (you don't say), rehab isn't a bad thing (the history of being in and out of jail simply means that you didn't really get to know him very well, or didn't care about his behavior when you entered into a romantic relationship with him; water under the bridge).

  • 12-19-2012 5:52 PM In reply to

    Re: Fighting for full custody

    I understand where you're coming from and appreciate the reply but I was already pregnant when he went to jail the first time. I guess he was just someone completely different when he was with me but that's besides the point. He's only gotten worse with drugs and he went to rehab because he violated parole.  Children need consistency.  Being forced to go to someone's house whome he doesn't know is not my opinion of "in the best interest of the child" which all courts "say" child custody battles are based on. I don't feel my son is safe with him.  But perhaps you're right, maybe it would be a waste of time.  And I know I can't take away his rights completely that isn't the point but it should not be an option for him to pick and choose when he wants to be in his sons life...either you can follow the court order or you can't...

    thanks for the input on everything though.  Really was helpfull 

  • 12-19-2012 7:10 PM In reply to

    Re: Fighting for full custody

    Even if you were awarded full legal and physical custody of the child, it does not mean that dad wouldn't have visitation rights or that his time with his child would be legally reduced in any way.

  • 12-20-2012 9:31 PM In reply to

    • DPH
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    Re: Fighting for full custody

    True mother:
    but it should not be an option for him to pick and choose when he wants to be in his sons life...either you can follow the court order or you can't...

    That's just not the way it works here in the real world.  Maybe in some parallel universe, but not here.  If he exercises his visitation, good for him and the child.  If he doesn't, his bad and the kid suffers in the long run.

     

     

    "Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."  -  Mark Twain

     

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