Child custody battle with non biological father

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Latest post Wed, Jul 24 2013 2:04 AM by Anonymous. 41 replies.
  • Mon, Jul 22 2013 11:38 PM In reply to

    • Authordas
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    Re: Child custody battle with non biological father

    I dont know their freaking arrangement. All I know is in my opinion she was set up

  • Tue, Jul 23 2013 3:33 AM In reply to

    • Lulah
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    Re: Child custody battle with non biological father

    So when did the dad gain full custody? After the divorce or once the mother left the state? If it's the latter that can explain why she only gets to see the child for six weeks a year. It would be very disruptive to the child to send her out of state to see her mother more frequently. If she lived across town the visitation, and maybe even custody arrangement, may be different.

    This case is absolutely no different than that of any other divorced parents. This guy IS the father and he has just as much parental rights as the mother. Imagine if it was the other way around. The mother is living with the child in NM and the dad would want to move out of state. Do you think he should be allowed to take the child with him against the mother's will? Normally it's not allowed for one parent to move far away with the child and the courts usually decide that the child has to stay in the jurisdiction. That one parent is a cop has nothing to do with it. It's standard. The gender of the parent moving away makes no difference either.

    This is actually quite a typical custody dispute when one parent moves away. There is nothing John Grisham about it. I feel for the mother. It must be hard to be without her 3-year old. But unfortunately the only way to be in the child's life is to go back to New Mexico. Once there she can go to court and file for physical custody of the child. If she does that the court will determine which of the two parents is the most fit parent. If the dad is considered a better option custody would likely stay with him. The fact that he's better off financially plays in his favor. That could have been why he got custody to begin with.

    I don't think the mother really ought to be afraid to go back to New Mexico. If her ex would arrest her and there are no other witnesses or evidence to verify that she committed a crime she would have a pretty good case for arguing that the arrest was done to retaliate or harass. He could even lose his job for something like that. Even if he arrests her and the charges stick that doesn't necessarily mean that it will affect her in the custody case especially if he's the one who arrests her. If she lives in a different jurisdiction than the one where he is a cop the risk of an unjustified arrest would likely be much less. Her ex isn't going to know all cops everywhere.

    If this woman wants to have a relationship with her daughter she will have to move back to New Mexico. The court is highly unlikely to allow her to take the child out of state and without a court order she can't take the child. She doesn't have many options.

     

  • Tue, Jul 23 2013 8:18 AM In reply to

    • splum1
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    Re: Child custody battle with non biological father

    Lulah is right. You can think all of the drama you want, but the reality is, this happens every day to divorcing couples in family court.

    No, not biological Dad. Yes, legal father. Legal parents have equal rights to custody and time sharing of the children.  They also share in the financial aspect of raising their child(ren).

    She might be afraid to move back for fear of being arrested, but then that makes it her decision to figure out if the mere threat of being arrested outweighs being in her child's life more.

    You can figure that out for her. We can't figure that out for her. Ony she can figure that out.  I will tell you this, the longer just the threat of it keeps her away, Dad wins and her time with the child remains whatever is court ordered.  The court is not going to allow her to remove the child from the state she (child) resides in.   This too happens every day in Family court.  Courts are more and more gender neutral when it comes to determining custody.  If Mom wanted to remove the child and limit Dad's access to the child, that could have been a huge factor in determining custody.   But stop with your drama and John Grisham novel theories. And don't be rude to people who answer your questions.  If you keep asking the same question, despite the answers you received, it seems you aren't "getting it" so people are trying to respond in a way you will understand.  You shouldn't be rude to someone taking their time to help you.

  • Tue, Jul 23 2013 10:20 AM In reply to

    Re: Child custody battle with non biological father

    You didn't asnswer the questions I asked regarding the conception of the child or the divorce decree, so I cannot offer you anything further.

  • Tue, Jul 23 2013 1:54 PM In reply to

    • Authordas
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    Re: Child custody battle with non biological father

    He can't arrest her if no evidence? Are we in the same country?  You know as well as I do Cops have ways of getting people set up. We live in a corrupted country. I have no doubt she lost full custody becuse she moved, where my doubts begin is when she returns. According to her he's doing all he can to keep her away, including threats of arrest, his girlfriend filing criminal charges. Even if it's all lies on their behalf, it makes no difference. We know in this country two things talk more than evidence, that is position and money.He has both.

    I don't want her going back, she may get into more legal problems if he chooses to. He does not want to give her her daughter back and will use his position to keep her away.

    How does she fight that?

    Read carefully. If she goes back to NM, she can not afford to keep her child. The job she had there paid very little, so even if she did return, she still wont have the full custody she had before she left. Where she live snow, she can affor dher, but as you all say she can't take the baby with the "father" in a different state. She comes out loosing eitherway.

    I don't know what ya'll see on your high horses, but here we don't see men leave their wives after 8 years and the next day have a girlfriend. That's called having an affair, then leave the wife after she gives birth, then tries to keep the mother away from child and start a new family with a child that really aside form being born in the marriage has no connection whatsoever to either parent. It's what we call "legal kidnapping" . 

    I don't care if you all think it's an insane theory. I never claimed to be a sane person. What I need now are solutions to how she cn try to get the child back not more attacks on my mental state or the craziness of my theories. Think you can do that?

  • Tue, Jul 23 2013 1:57 PM In reply to

    • CJ
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    Re: Child custody battle with non biological father

    Authordas, I'm going to be very honest with you. You're "assumptions" or "opinions" are not helping your friend and no matter how much you think this situation has got to be legally wrong it's not.  And you're not wanting to hear what anyone is telling you.  No one is misleading you, it's just the facts here.

    I'm going to assume you live in the state where mom currently lives and probably have never met the ex husband or have been part of the situation. You're only connection is that you're friends with mom and have heard the story from her only.  As her friend I can understand why you are so defensive of her situation but to be very very honest, you're being sort of ignorant to the legal facts here and basing your argument on your personal feelings which really don't count and aren't helpful to mom.

    FACTS:  Couple is married for several years and can not concieve a child on their own but wanted a family.  Together as a couple they decide that IVF is the answer (no IVF provider is going to impregnate a married woman without the husbands knowledge or agreement between them).  Wife get's pregnant! Marriage obviously is strained and husband may have started to have an affair.  Baby arrives, marriage is just not working and hubby is not happy so he files for divorce and apruptly begins an open relationship with the other woman. 

    Wife is hurt by the divorce and angry.  In her mind she feels that since her husband did not use his sperm to impregnant her then he should not have any rights to this child.  She uses this as grounds to keep child from the ex husband.  Ex husband has an emotional attachment to this child and as the legal father he is not willing to allow Ex Wife to keep HIS legal child away from him.  Ex Wife thinks she has the upper hand and threatens dad and the new girlfriend giving them grounds for restraining orders and charges against her.  Ex Wife leaves the state with the child without Ex Husnands permission or threatens to do so which gives Ex Husband grounds for emergency custody.  Ex Wife remains in new State because of financial stability claiming she can't afford to live in old state and is afriad of Ex Husband and Girl Friend throwing her in Jail for one reason or another. 

    Is this pretty much right so far? 

    Here's the bottom line ... if your friend wants to be more active in her daughter's life and co-parent with dad then she has no choice but to return to origional state.  Generally a parent would rather live in a box under a bridge then be seperated from her child.  So as her friend this alone should raise a red flag for you and make you wonder if there's more to this story. Or not depending on how open minded you choose to be.  

    This little one calling the new Girl friend mommy is actually very normal.  She's 3. Her mommy has chosen to live far away so she doesn't get the real concept of "mommy" and the girlfriend is really more of a mommy to her right now. That's just the fact.

    I know I may have come accross as brutal but it's the truth unsugar coated. You can do with it what you wish but this board is about finding help and support from others who know a little bit about the legal ins and outs of child custody.  Your "Opinion" and arguments don't help anyone especially your friend who's obviously hurting. The best support you can give is to share the TRUTH with her.
    Best of luck to her.

  • Tue, Jul 23 2013 2:12 PM In reply to

    • Authordas
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    Re: Child custody battle with non biological father

    I didn't say Im not hearing you or refusing to listen, I'm reporting everything you all say back to her. You'r ejust not reading what I am saying. 3 page sinto it and I still have yet to recieve a solution, a way to fight this. Ya'll keep saying "he's the father, he's the father." I GOT THAT 40 REPLIES AGO!

    What we need now is what I had originally posted this for....how to get the child back r regain the full custody depsite her financial issues.

  • Tue, Jul 23 2013 2:29 PM In reply to

    Re: Child custody battle with non biological father

    Authordas:
    What we need now is what I had originally posted this for....how to get the child back r regain the full custody depsite her financial issues.

    You still are not listening.  The chances of her getting full custody of the child back after being out of state and out of her life are slim to NONE.  The chances on the AZ court over turning this order so that she can take the child to WI:  ZERO.

    Unless she hires a REALLY good AZ attorney to put Dad in his place the best she can hope for is liberal visitation and it will be at her expense since she is the one who moved.

    No one on these forums is going to be able to tell you what you want to hear which is "just do X and she will get the baby back."  It isn't going to happen.  

    "That's just my opinion, then again I might be wrong."  Dennis Miller

     

  • Tue, Jul 23 2013 2:56 PM In reply to

    • DPH
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    Re: Child custody battle with non biological father

    Authordas:

    What we need now is what I had originally posted this for....how to get the child back r regain the full custody depsite her financial issues.

    The answer is simple.  Hire the best attorney that you can find/afford, have Mom explain everything that you have related, everything that she fears or knows, etc.  Let the attorney that you/she hires figure out the best course of action and follow that advice.  It may be that the advice that she/you receives is that there is very little that can be done for her to regain custody. 

    Her financial issues aside, the only way that she could possibly get any kind of custody is for her to go to whichever state the father and the child live in and file the necessary papers with the proper court.  After that, if is anybody's guess what could happen. 

    Either she gets an attorney or she gives up any reasonable chances of gaining custody.  And yes, she is going to have to go where they live.  Does any of this make sense to you?

    Authordas:
    3 page sinto it and I still have yet to recieve a solution, a way to fight this.

    Then now you have.  Again, hire an attorney and let the games begin!  Bring your checkbook.

     

    "Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."  -  Mark Twain

     

  • Tue, Jul 23 2013 3:47 PM In reply to

    • CJ
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    Re: Child custody battle with non biological father

    The courts will not bounce a child back and forth between either parent without just cause.  Mom lost primary custody to dad for a reason. (probably more that what you've been told).  The only way a judge will switch custody again is if dad is proven to be unfit and putting this child in danger. Children need stability and security and they get that by staying in one place. So, mom's actions caused her to loose primary custody which is not easy with a child so young so it leads me to believe they had just cause. 

    Mom will need a powerful lawyer, she will need to move back to the city where dad and the child live and will need to understand that she will have to stay in that City because no judge will ever allow her to move her child away from the other parent.  Yes, that means she will have to financially struggle per your prior post. So unless or untill she's ready to do all of the above and can afford this legal fight, there is no hope for primary custody.

     

  • Wed, Jul 24 2013 12:29 AM In reply to

    • Lulah
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    Re: Child custody battle with non biological father

    Authordas:

    I didn't say Im not hearing you or refusing to listen, I'm reporting everything you all say back to her. You'r ejust not reading what I am saying. 3 page sinto it and I still have yet to recieve a solution, a way to fight this. Ya'll keep saying "he's the father, he's the father." I GOT THAT 40 REPLIES AGO!

    What we need now is what I had originally posted this for....how to get the child back r regain the full custody depsite her financial issues.

    Read carefully: There is no way for the mother to get the child back other than going back to New Mexico and go to court there. That's it. If she doesn't want to do that she's out of luck. It sucks but that's her only options - go and fight in court or stay in WI and lose the child. Maybe she can get two jobs in NM or go back to school and get a better paying job when done. Or maybe another part of NM has a better paying job for her.

    I am very much aware that many police departments are good ol' boys' clubs and that police officers don't need much to arrest anyone. But baseless arrests don't hold up in court and will just remain a baseless arrest, an inconvenience. An arrest will not prevent her from getting custody, especially if the arrest had something to do with her cop ex. In fact that could end up hurting him. He's not allowed to abuse his authority for personal reasons. If it was my child I'd take the risk of getting arrested and go back rather than lose my child. She may not actually get arrested. If she does she will be out in hours. This country is not as corrupt as you think it is.

    But your friend can choose to stay in WI over her fear of arrest or she can go back and see if it's an empty threat or not. If it isn't and she gets arrested she can fight it then. But to not be in her 3-year old's life over fear of a misdemeanor arrest (which it would be) is not reasonable.

    Life isn't fair and your friend got a raw deal but she has no choice but to deal with the cards she's been dealt and her options are outlined above. There is no other way no matter how much she wants it.

  • Wed, Jul 24 2013 2:04 AM In reply to


    Re: Child custody battle with non biological father

    Authordas:
    What I need now are solutions to how she cn try to get the child back

    She's not going to be able to do it long distance.  She will have to return to the state.  The court is not going to just turn the child over to her and IF the court ever does give her custody, she will likely not be able to move the child out of state. 

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