I apologize for this post length its very involved, I tried to keep it brief.
My Mom is 97 years old, dad was 97 years old (died a few days ago) due to my Moms poor choices/incompetence. She has been playing her two sons, for years of who will be the executor and who is the favorite, she says she likes the attention. The only reason I got involved was my Dads care which was failing and She could not handle him (invalid). She has gotten progressively worse in the last 2 years. I as her son was given the trust and power of attorney 10 years ago without any financial power just power over medical care. I have taken care of all their care and needs and never received a dime. My wife and I have taken care of them in the hospital many times, done above and beyond what anyone would do, we thought they loved us and wanted our help, they kept thanking us. I helped them draft the trust using basic questions of their wishes so we were prepared to do as they wished.
Dad was diagnosed with mild dementia under my mothers care a few years ago. She has tried to make many changes to their trust like it a game. She split the trust 60/40 to her two sons. My brother has done nothing to help, criticizes, does elder abuse, and interferes, he resents my family which is religious. My Mother plays both sides, says stories, makes drama, and has become incompetent.
We asked the doctor many times to test her and he gave her a few silly questions test of who is the President and what is her name. The live in caretakers in the house and the lead RN says she is incompetent, she has made very poor decisions. Not paying her bills, not feeding my father under her financial care, abusing him (we have pics of bruises), telling him she wished he was dead and she wanted to throw him in a home. Sending caretakers home (she didn't want to pay) when he had doctor mandated 24-hr required care (he was a invalid). She had a gambling problem and lost thousands to a Jamaican lottery Phone scam. We had to change her number twice in the last year it was getting so bad. She became irate her number was changed and started to call us and harass us. She started to blame us as we were fixing her problems and lie to people that we were abusing her. She would call and scream at us. She would get neighbors involved and family members who have no clue whats going on, you see shes a actress (live in LA) and can convince anyone of anything. Multiple social workers and adult protective services never did anything to help, just said she needed care.
We recorded all calls (Google voice announces this call is now being recorded) because things were getting so bad and we were being abused. In these recording we have proof of abuse (hitting my father, leaving him in excrement for hrs while she dismissed the caretakers), that she would not follow the doctors orders or keep the in home care, that she was calling us screaming, and she said she would never talk to her other Son (my brother) and had given the trust to me to take care of. We also have testimony and notes from the care taking service of how bad the situation was and the abuse of their workers.
We have proof the doctor prescribed Zanex, gave it to her (a 97 year old), ...she told my Cousin she gave it to my Dad till he stopped yelling so she could watch her TV shows, She would abuse him when she could not stand him, she also gave him pain pills, and sleeping pills, he was also receiving natural supplements that interfere with medications. The combination makes low blood pressure and this is what my Father died of. We knew something was wrong when he called twice drugged and was talking like he was drunk, he got so bad from the drugs he would not do anything. The doctor was called many times about her incompetence. He told her to stop giving him the medication.
A week ago I found out from the caretaker my father had been calling "HELP ME HELP ME" for a day and a half, while she was sleeping. The caretakers were told not to call 911 because she would not pay for it (she is very greedy with her money). She called not even sad and said your Fathers dead take care of it. We immediately called 911 and he was sent to the hospital. The police had to be involved due to incompetence and drugs for our liability. She became irate at us as the police said she was incompetent and might have killed her husband and searched the house for the drugs which she had hidden. The family started to say mean and hateful things to me, they were going around doctors even with Hippa Laws for POA. They said I abused the family by pro longing and following the trust procedures of what to do in my fathers condition, their were many steps to follow.
We have many witnesses including caretakers who saw her give him the drugs, and saw her beating him. She became very angry with us (my wife and I) because we were not doing things her way and getting rid of her husband in a home. She refused to pay for care, she also has had hit and run accidents the doctors were told about and yet she continues to drive. No one will properly test her (blood test / physiological evaluation) for incompetence but the police after revering said she is incompetent. She would often lie to us, change things, and do things differently. She wanted us to come work for her 24hrs a day for free and not pay a dime.
She blames us for everything, we have lost 10 years of our life in their service, because we cared. We have paid hundreds of thousands in bills. We have no money for a lawyer. Her lawyer who held the trust will not change it for her due to poor choices he feels in her mental health.
My Brother used undue influence when my dad recently died and has taken her to his lawyer to change the Trust. He calls us daily to make attacks and says ***heck sue us because she is feeding him lies. My Dad wanted the trust split 60/40 they both signed the trust we were following. We have letters that this is the way they wanted it. She has put my brother and his daughter on all the bank accounts. She did not pay for a dime of my fathers burial cost which I had to come down and pay out of my pocket. My brother has called and threatened me to pay her past due bills when he has access to her money. I do not have money for lawyers.
She said she doesn't know me and wants to never see me again because I did not follow her orders and I worked for her (so insulting - I never received a dime and I'm her Son). She will not have a funeral for her husband. The Lawyer who still holds the trust says I need a Elder attorney to contest this. All of her extended relatives cannot believe what she is doing, say she is not herself something is wrong, and called and stated they are very angry about it they call me daily to ask what is wrong with her and why is her Granddaughter not allowing her to take the calls, and deformation of my character to callers. They are keeping her under tight watch and telling her all sorts of lies she is believing to take control... This is elder abuse. I can't believe she put them on all her bank accounts when she never offered to pay us a dime, refused to pay for care or even diapers and in fact told everyone including social services she has no money. We received a letter from my brothers Lawyer about her phone when she holds financial POA and has not paid her Verizon bill resulting in them turning off her phone, it says we have abused a 97 year old by turning off their phone when their husband died. IT also stated we had accessed her accounts, when we had no access to her accounts or money, she does not trust anyone.
I'm so saddened by this all, I thought Adult Protective Services would help, The doctor, or the police but no one has done anything. It tears me up how my father died.
Please help what should I do? Is this a Undue Influence case? I read that a judge can fix this without going to court with a Attorney. Does California "AB-381 Estates and trusts: undue influence and elder abuse" state the legal fees can be paid for. What do do if my brother has money to hire a crooked Attorney and go after me for false accusations. No one really knows whats going on and how my Mother has behaved. We have released the audio recordings of the evidence to LA PD and Adult Protective Services.