Custody and new wife

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Latest post Wed, Aug 17 2016 4:04 AM by David Billy. 39 replies.
  • Mon, Jun 2 2014 9:00 PM In reply to

    • JohnF1984
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    Well i hope she doesn't leave but i have to prepare myself if she does

  • Tue, Jun 3 2014 11:21 AM In reply to

    • Drew
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    First of all your township in PA has very little to say about who attends where for school and where the child puts his head at night is NOT necessarly the critical factor as to residency for attendance purposes and I seriously doubt the  school is going to take sides on this kind of family debate--other than a very ultra slim possibility of sending you a big tuition bill if you lied on paper  --and I'll take bets your school paperwork does NOT incorporate the steps of required notice under PA law as to falsified sworn and unsworn docuements and that leaves them with very little leverage if you lied on just about everything.

    Shopping for the better school district is old hat in PA --and unless somebody is caught in a big stack of lies its probably a big non event to shop districts.

    Second, your EX is a bit unwise not to have petitioned for increased CS if your income has gone up in last 14 years  count yourself lucky on that one--so far..

    Were I your new spouse I too would refuse to understand why you are putting your son ahead of me --and I would be out reviewing my options with skilled divorce counsel .

    Something is wacky with your view ?

     



  • Tue, Jun 3 2014 12:12 PM In reply to

    • JohnF1984
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    My sons mother did not want him to move in full time with my wife and i so she agreed to the 2 weeks arrangement. The school district requires that a child must live with one parent over 50 percent of the time which is why i am concerned if my current wife calls.

     

    Well, my ex and i have been able to maintain a decent relationship and i would like to keep things that way so if i have to do this for only 3 more years, then i will have to do what i have to do. I do not want to pay more than what i am currently paying. 

     

    My wife feels like this is why i am putting her on the back burner...I just want to do whats best for my kids education wise

  • Tue, Jun 3 2014 12:13 PM In reply to

    • Drew
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    PS It is entirely possible that withing a given PA school district  there is at least one very good high school and one very lousy high school --and/or within any given building there are high level classes and low level classes that get one graduated but not necessarily able to tell time or read a ruler.



  • Tue, Jun 3 2014 12:23 PM In reply to

    • Drew
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    Personally you have not cited a single fact of why it is in child best interest to be in your school district rather than Mom's school district.

    There are a stack of BECs and case law as to residency for school purposes in PA and thats before one opens the pages to issues of affadavits of support and Federal issues of homeless which are really quite broad --unless you have signed a big stack of falsified paperwork I doubt the school is going to take sides in a family dispute .



  • Tue, Jun 3 2014 12:38 PM In reply to

    • JohnF1984
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    The school district where i live, ranks in the top 50 schools in PA. My son has a learning disability and is also socially awkward. When he is with me, i make sure his homework is done and i care about his education. His biological mother is pre-occupied with being a good wife to her new husband and when he at home with her, all he does is play video games.

     

    His mother does not mind him living with us for the next 3 years but i did not tell her i am filing for primary custody. The issue also at the moment is that the enviroment in my home is very hostile and my son sees that interaction between my wife and i. He barely talks to either of us and is always on the computer with headphones once his homework is done. My wife spends all her time with our baby and has stated that he is now her only priority because i told her that i was putting my sons education before her needs.

  • Tue, Jun 3 2014 2:59 PM In reply to

    • CJ
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    The moment you file for residential custody of your oldest child your ex will have every right to say NO WAY and fight you every step. And she could very well become so angry that she asks the courts for an increase to her child support which she'll get since it's never been increased. Or she could sign off on it and approve the change. My suggestion is to be completely open and honest with her from the start.

    As parents, it is our responsibility to set good, healthy examples for our children. This includes teaching them how to treat their partners. You're teaching your son that wives don't matter and respect for them is optional.  He's at such a prime yet awkward age and is absorbing EVERYTHING around him and tucking it away in that little brain of his. 

    Your wife is your PARTNER.  As her husband you had no right in making permanent decisions that effect her without her concent. You haven't mentioned anything about the child she just gave birth to. Do you not care about that child?  You do understand that if she leaves you (which sounds like she should) that you will not have a constant relationship with that child?  You're priorities see to be totally squed here.

    I understand your desire to provide a good education for your son. However ... it's not more important than providing a loving, stable, happy home life. Children need that more than anything. The situation you've created for him is doing way more emotional damage and that is long lasting. My heart goes out to him because he's truly being caught in a storm.

     

  • Tue, Jun 3 2014 5:01 PM In reply to

    • splum1
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    So if your current wife leaves with the newborn, that is ok as long as you get custody of the older child? Because realistically she isn't leaving the newborn behind. Agree with CJ...you married someone who is supposed to be your partner and you totally disregarded her and your newborn to do what you want regarding the older child. Are you sure you don't see what's wrong here? You may end up divorced twice and without primary custody of either child.  

  • Tue, Jun 3 2014 5:37 PM In reply to

    • Drew
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    if your son has an IEP or 504 that does not correlate  with some PSSA ranking of PA school districts ?and for that matter an IEP is portable within PA.

    And if your son has an addiction to video games that has nothing to do with school district  and at 15 that says a lot about him .

    You may have an ego issue about your son ...but I don't see where it gets you leverage as to custody  or child support. 

    Since it's not entirely rare that students with IEPs or 504 are held to watered down standards and must pass kinds of grades and are not In higher  level classes ..if you really care you need to get focused on the the level of classes being picked and the performance in same on a competive basis.

    Turning off some electronic device does not require an act of Congress in either household. 

    i personally think you are out to lunch to put your 15 year son ahead of your wife....



  • Tue, Jun 3 2014 9:13 PM In reply to

    • JohnF1984
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    I respect what you all have to say but i am not going to put my wife before my son. If she leaves me and takes my baby then i guess it is something i will live with. my teenage son needs me now and i have to be there for him. My ex is not stable enough and did not go to college so she doesn't get it. I thought my current wife would at least try to make an effort since she has a degree and comes from a well rounded family. I figured she woul also want whats best for him.. i guess timing wasnt right for him to start high school the same time she was having our baby

  • Tue, Jun 3 2014 9:16 PM In reply to

    • JohnF1984
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    I wasnt married to my ex... we just had a child at a young age....I want whats best for my kids and i will do what i think fits. If she files for a divorce, i will try to get some type of custody

  • Tue, Jun 3 2014 9:20 PM In reply to

    • JohnF1984
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    I agree, my home is not stable and i created this mess. What am i suppose to do, send my some back home so he feels unwanted? My wife said she refuses to raise our baby in such an enviroment so she is filing but i don't know if she means it... I just need to focus on whats best right now. I do feel for him and i hope he does not make the same mistake i made. He tells me he would rather live with his mother but i am the parent and he has to do as i say... I will live with my consequences

  • Wed, Jun 4 2014 4:02 PM In reply to

    • CJ
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    It's pretty sad that you're so willing to give up on your marriage and basically your infant child as well.  I can understand your desire to provide a better education for your teenager, HOWEVER a better education with a screwed up homelife is NOT in his best interest. It sounds like you've put an unhealthy focus on what you think is best (education only) and aren't realizing the additional damage you are doing to him by destroying his home life.  The only way you get to uproot him from living with mom is if mom agrees. SHE is also his parent.

    You've made a lot of "assumption" statements about her like, her focus is her new baby and taking care of her husband, she's fine with my son living with me but I haven't told her I'm going to go to court for full legal custody, and she doesn't have a college education so she doesn't understand. Has she actually stated to you that she no longer wants to raise her son and would like to basically get him out of her home so she can live happily ever after with her "new" family?  Because that's the picture you're painting.

    And I hope you realize that should your wife file for divorce and custody, you WILL be paying child support and possibly spousel support as well. I have to ask, is your infant child a daughter?

    Both of your children deserve to grow up in a loving, supportive, save home.  Having a father who's only goal is education just isn't good parenting. There's so much more a child needs and learns from. 

     

     

  • Wed, Jun 4 2014 10:29 PM In reply to

    • JohnF1984
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    What am i suppose to do at this point? My wife won't talk to me and it has been this way for over 9 months....She refuses to cook and only focuses on the baby because she said i don't respect her and have my priorities wrong. She won't even acknowledge my son which hurts but again, should i just send my son back to his mother.

     The baby is a boy and my wife is an amazing mother to him, i just wished she would see my side and be a better wife

  • Fri, Jun 6 2014 2:29 PM In reply to

    • CJ
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    Re: Custody and new wife

    Well it doesn't sound like you've been "Husband of the Year" eather.  Marriage is not easy and takes A LOT of work, patience, flexibility, listening, understand and commitment. I'm not saying your wife is handling this correctly either.  Again, marriage is a partnership and it sound like you both are not acting as a team and just doing what you each individually want to do. 

    Have you thought about marriage counselling? Before throwing in the towel, you two should really consider it.  Sometimes it's easier extressing your feelings and concerns with a nutural party in the room. You're hurt becuase you don't feel she accepts your older son and understands your concern for him.  And she probably feels like you care more about him than you do her.  Which by the way, isn't about choosing one over the other.  Your wife and your children are on a different level.  One should never make you "choose" the other.

    Should you send your son back to his mother?  Maybe.  You haven't shared one single reason that a judge would feel warrents you to keep him.  Actually, you've told us more reasons why you shouldn't keep him if you're really taking score.  Your son needs you in his life for more reasons than just a good school system.  He needs your unconditional love, support and encouragement. He needs to be in a home with love and stability. Honestly,  you've kinda said mom and step dad seem to have a good home life so that warrents consideration.  And he is about to have a two new sibblings in his life which should be exciting not dreadful. 

    I can tell you love your oldest son so give your youngest a fighting change to see his parents marriage succeed and grown up with BOTH of you. Thats' something your oldest son didn't get the pleasure of.

    Best of luck to you.

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