Abusive ex-wife

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Latest post Wed, Mar 12 2008 6:38 PM by Fxston. 8 replies.
  • Tue, Mar 11 2008 3:38 PM

    • cachina
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    • Joined on Tue, Mar 11 2008
    • Posts 3

    Angry [:@] Abusive ex-wife

    I am located in Texas. My husband and I have been dealing with an abusive ex-wife for quite a few years now. He has been paying child support to her for 2 children until a couple of years ago when the oldest turned 18.

    He continues to keep her on his health insurance plan since she is attending college full time. My first question is this mandatory on his part. Is he requred by law to keep her on his insurance plan and is he still required to pay half of her medical bills since she is over the age of 18.

    The other issue is we continually get harrassinig phone calls, voicemails, and other phone messages from his ex-wife threatening to take him back to court for more child support, but she has not done it. The messages are quite abusive and also end up involving both of the childre in her tyrant rampage.

    How can we get this abuse to stop?

    He also signed an agreement in the divorce decree to pay 50% of college expenses although he was supposed to be involved in the decision making process this has not occured. He has paid his part until recently when the daughter started attending a state college about 20 minutes from our home. She said she would not live with us and that she would live in a dorm. I know it is not Texas Law to require him to pay college expenses but what are our options when she refuses to live with us instead of paying dorm expenses.

    Now the ex-wife says she is going to put a deposit down on an apartment for her to live in but never consulted my husband regarding any of these issues. Again, is he obligated by law to pay for these expenses when they could be avoided by living with us or that she has not consulted him on any of the decision making?

    We are really stressed out dealing with these continual issues. There is no reasoning with this woman and we are tired of the threats and harrasement.

    She has also threatened to take him to court to pay back medical bills. We have been asking her for years to send us copies of original medical receipts but she refuses. She makes a phone call when she needs money and does not ever send us the bills, only expecting my husband to send her the amount of money that she says she needs. She sent one bill about a month ago which contained a receipt for the oldest child whom is now 19. Is he requred to pay for this childs medical.

    Can someone please help us resolve these issues so that we can live a normal peaceful life?
  • Tue, Mar 11 2008 4:14 PM In reply to

    re: Abusive ex-wife

    "He continues to keep her on his health insurance plan since she is attending college full time."

    "Her" meaning a daughter? Remember, we're strangers and random use of pronouns without identifying who you're talking about can be confusing.

    "My first question is this mandatory on his part."

    Regardless of whom you're referring to, unless it's in the divorce decree or incorporated settlement agreement, no, it wouldn't be required.

    "Is he requred by law to keep her on his insurance plan and is he still required to pay half of her medical bills since she is over the age of 18."

    Refer to previous answer.

    "The other issue is we continually get harrassinig phone calls, voicemails, and other phone messages from his ex-wife threatening to take him back to court for more child support, but she has not done it."

    He's free to take up the harassment issue with local law enforcement or, failing that route, via the divorce court or a civil harassment suit.

    "He also signed an agreement in the divorce decree to pay 50% of college expenses although he was supposed to be involved in the decision making process this has not occured."

    If the agreement says he's to be involved in the decision-making process, he's free to take the issue back to divorce court on an enforcement-contempt motion and ask the court to also order her to pay his legal fees.

    "She said she would not live with us and that she would live in a dorm. I know it is not Texas Law to require him to pay college expenses but what are our options when she refuses to live with us instead of paying dorm expenses."

    What does the decree say? Does it not define "expenses"? If it doesn't, he's free to ask the divorce court to clarify the issue.

    It all boils down to what the decree-marital settlement says and, if it's not clear, whether he wants to spend the money to get clarification from the court.

    He should be talking with his divorce attorney; if he didn't bother to have one, this may or may not be chalked up to that fact.

    "There is no reasoning with this woman and we are tired of the threats and harrasement."

    You might want to change your phone number if there's no harassment angle to pursue with cops and you don't want to spend money on a civil harassment action.

    "We have been asking her for years to send us copies of original medical receipts but she refuses."

    I trust you have done this "asking" *in writing*.

    "Is he requred to pay for this childs medical."

    Whether the child is now 19 is irrelevant. If the decree has him liable for X amount of unreimbursed medical expenses, he should pay it if it's a bona fide receipt.

    "Can someone please help us resolve these issues so that we can live a normal peaceful life?"

    Your husband needs to talk with his-a local family law attorney, among other things.
  • Tue, Mar 11 2008 4:51 PM In reply to

    • cachina
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    • Joined on Tue, Mar 11 2008
    • Posts 3

    re: Abusive ex-wife

    Again, regarding the medical receipts ( or lack there of) we have not received but one in the last several years. The most recent receipt was for a hospital emergency room visit at the age of 19.

    In response to your question or rather comment the decree does not say/require him to carry her on his insurance or pay medical after the age of 18. He chooses to keep her on his insurance because he is allowed provided she is a full time student.

    The ex-wife says he has to continue to pay for her medical also, again it does not state that in the divorce decree.
  • Tue, Mar 11 2008 6:48 PM In reply to

    re: Abusive ex-wife

    "Again, regarding the medical receipts ( or lack there of) we have not received but one in the last several years. The most recent receipt was for a hospital emergency room visit at the age of 19."

    You already conveyed this info.

    "In response to your question or rather comment the decree does not say/require him to carry her on his insurance or pay medical after the age of 18. He chooses to keep her on his insurance because he is allowed provided she is a full time student."

    If you know this, then why are you asking whether he's *required* to keep her on insurance??

    "The ex-wife says he has to continue to pay for her medical also, again it does not state that in the divorce decree."

    WHY is he listening to her?? :) If the divorce decree doesn't say he needs to do this once the child is an adult (or while the kid attends college), then he doesn't have to. If it only addresses college expenses vaguely vs. specifically addressing, say, tuition, again, he's free to seek clarification of the order.

    I gather they couldn't reach any settlement agreement and it was all decided by court.

    I certainly don't think a reasonable person would interpret "college expense" to include an off-campus apartment or dorm fees if she's perfectly capable of living with a parent but, again, if the language is vague, he may want to clarify with court. If he had had an attorney, the attorney would have-should have seen to it that the language was not vague.
  • Tue, Mar 11 2008 6:56 PM In reply to

    Just so we're clear ...

    unless the court has ordered so in the decree, he's free to cease paying for whatever it is that the ex insists that he has to pay for. Again, it appears he was only obligated to pay for medical insurance and uncovered medical expenses until the kid reached adulthood.

    If ex expects him to cough up money for stuff, she needs to provide proof of the legit expense. Again, I hope that he has documented communicating with her about how he's happy to pay his share if she coughs up documentation/receipts, but note that she has refused to do so for however many years. And that would be his defense if by chance she decided to spend the money to take him back to court on a contempt motion for nonpayment. If he wants to spend the money, he's free to go back to court to seek court's rubber stamp on the view that he doesn't have to cough up $$$ unless and until he receives such documentation (perhaps piggyback that issue with the clarification on the college expense language, *if* that is not clear in the decree).
  • Tue, Mar 11 2008 7:06 PM In reply to

    Feedback [*=*] re: Abusive ex-wife

    He likely does not have to keep the child on his insurance, but since she is in college, he probably should just as my husband does with his 19 yr old. Your husband does NOT have to pay half of out of pocket medical. The child is 18 and an adult and should be responsible for their own bills. My DH has pretty much stopped paying out of pocket medical since he carries the adult son on is insurance. He should be able for fork up copays and so forth since he has a job.

    Also I do not see how he should pay for part of an apt. That is not a college expense if the child has been given the option to live at home. Time to tell the child they need to get a part time job if they want to pay rent. That is how it is. Mom will probably have no luck getting child support for a child over 18.
  • Tue, Mar 11 2008 8:12 PM In reply to

    • cachina
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    • Joined on Tue, Mar 11 2008
    • Posts 3

    re: Abusive ex-wife

    Thanks Olivia's Mom.

    I pretty much understand the divorce decree, I should, because I've read it so many times.

    I guess we've just dealt with all of the verbal abuse over the years that you eventually start to question your own knowledge. It always helps to have an outsider comment on their same issues.

    My husband has no problem keeping the child on his insurance, it does not cost anymore than if not.

    As far you Fxston, i appreciate your comments but if it's going to annoy you so much, don't bother to respond.

    I was hoping to get some legal advice from someone knowledgeable as well as someone who has experienced these kind of issues.

    Any other helpful information is certainly appreciated.

  • Tue, Mar 11 2008 8:34 PM In reply to

    • LynnM
      Lawyer
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Mon, Apr 3 2000
    • CA
    • Posts 28,248

    re: Abusive ex-wife

    What they've said is acurate - no need to pile on.
  • Wed, Mar 12 2008 6:38 PM In reply to

    Ok [+0+] re: Abusive ex-wife

    "As far you Fxston, i appreciate your comments but if it's going to annoy you so much, don't bother to respond."

    You're reading a tone that doesn't exist into my comments. Need to read from an objective standpoint; I've no dog in this fight.

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