Seperated, Husband had a Stroke, etc.

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Latest post Mon, Feb 15 2016 10:46 AM by speee1dy. 9 replies.
  • Fri, Jan 15 2016 9:22 AM

    • chandyrose
      Consumer
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    • Joined on Thu, Jun 20 2013
    • MS
    • Posts 5

    Seperated, Husband had a Stroke, etc.

    My husband (I'll call him John) and I seperated two years ago. John had a stroke on December 26, and I found him Dec. 28. He gets out of the hospital today, and will be spending three weeks in a nursing home since nobody wants take him in. The owner of the house that John was renting has filed for bankruptcy and John would have been moving out within the next few months. The water is in the owner's name, and he had it turned off earlier this week even though I paid this months bill. John is 61, on disability, and has Medicare.

    John wanted to be a teeny bopper again and deserted me, our son, and his dogs and cat. I had to take him to court to make him pay child support. At this point our son does not want John to move back in with us. John was very cruel to us after moving out and didn't care what happened to our son or me.

    As of right now, John has no one to take care of him. His mother has passed and his father is so old and feeble (mid 80s) that he ready for a nursing home himself. John never did find the women he was seeking when he left so he doesn't have anyone else either.

    My questions: What happens to him after his three weeks are up in the nursing home? Since I'm taking him to the nursing home will I be responsible for him? He doesn't have a POA. He will not be able to cook and clean, and he can't communicate due to the stroke. He can say some words but most are unintelligible. Will he have to stay with someone due to this? I have no clue what I am doing.

     

  • Fri, Jan 15 2016 10:44 AM In reply to

    Re: Seperated, Husband had a Stroke, etc.

    chandyrose:
    What happens to him after his three weeks are up in the nursing home?

    This question is more than a little vague.  Obviously, thousands of different things and different types of things could happen.

     

    chandyrose:
    Since I'm taking him to the nursing home will I be responsible for him?

    Does "taking" mean anything more than providing him with transportation?  Responsible in what way?

    In terms of legal issues, in California, there is a law that says, "[s]pouses contract toward each other obligations of mutual respect, fidelity, and support."  In other words, spouses have a duty to "support" each other.  My understanding is that many other states have similar law (don't know if your state does).  Of course, thesee laws are extremely general and vague.  How far does the obligation of "support" extend?  It's not clear why, after two years, you haven't sought a divorce, but, as long as you remain married, you run at least some risk of being liable for your husband's debts (and particularly debts for the necessaries of life).  My guess is that, when you get to the nursing home, someone is going to ask you to sign a bunch of documents, including something that acknowledges liability for the cost of his stay.  I suggest you be very careful before signing anything and that you consult with a local divorce attorney as soon as possible.

  • Fri, Jan 15 2016 3:07 PM In reply to

    • Drew
      Consumer
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    • Joined on Thu, Mar 30 2000
    • PA
    • Posts 51,370

    Re: Seperated, Husband had a Stroke, etc.

    I sign NOTHING at this point until the dust clears.

    In many states you are  accountable for the necessities of your spouse ..whether or not his " abandonment" is a factor is beyond me.

    His LL seems on wrong  of law as to evicting him wo due process.......he may have a pile of rights to be there ...but few practical ways to enforce them.

    You may well be stuck with hubby ...you best get some legal counsel.   In general, society inhibits getting a divorce so as to dump him on taxpayer dole ....you waited too long....or you mightn get a hefty,support order to,care for him until he is recovered and able to work .....he is your burden for now.



  • Fri, Jan 15 2016 4:45 PM In reply to

    • chandyrose
      Consumer
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    • Joined on Thu, Jun 20 2013
    • MS
    • Posts 5

    Re: Seperated, Husband had a Stroke, etc.

    He is on Medicare and they pay for three weeks in the nursing home. I only provided transportation. They had arranged for that at the hospital so I didn't stick around after they got him out of the car. I do not plan to sign anything.

    What happens to him after three weeks? - If he is still not able to take care of himself, do I have a responsibility to do that since we are still married? I apologize for not being more clear, I was in a hurry.

    I haven't filed for divorce because I have been very sick myself, and just haven't had the money. I had back surgery in 2014, and June 2015 was hospitalized for pneumonia, chronic bronchitis, sepsis, and infection of the bloodstream. I am still recovering from that, and stay tired much of the time. When I was in the ER (June) the doctor told me to call my family in because I wasn't going to make it out alive. I have appplied for disability myself and am waiting on a hearing. I planned to file for divorce as soon as I get the money.

    The social worker at the hospital told me that he could apply for Medicaid if he needed to stay longer in the nursing home but since we didn't live together they would take his entire check. She said it did not matter that I had a court order for support, I would not get one red cent.

    I guess I could drop him off at his house in three weeks and hope that I get my support. If I don't get it, we don't eat and won't have money to pay utilities.

    I did call my attorney last week and he is out of town until next week so I can't find out anything until then. I want to use the same one who handled my support case because he knows everything that is going on.

  • Tue, Jan 19 2016 12:23 PM In reply to

    • CJ
      Consumer
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    • Joined on Mon, Aug 2 1999
    • CA
    • Posts 1,717

    Re: Seperated, Husband had a Stroke, etc.

    So if you have a lawyer and court ordered support, I'm then going to assume you are "legally" seperated? That paperworks been filed and ordered? If so, then my understanding is YOU have no obligation for where he goes and how he lives after the hospital releases him.  But you really should file for divorce quickly.  

    I do think that your expectation of recieving support is pretty slim considering he is basically medically incapable of even supporting himself let alone his children. He needs to be cared for and no one is going to do that for free. So obviously, you're going to have to figure out how to make ends meet for you and an your kiddo's without him.  At least for now. 

     

     

     

     

  • Tue, Jan 19 2016 1:07 PM In reply to

    Re: Seperated, Husband had a Stroke, etc.

    CJ:
    So if you have a lawyer and court ordered support, I'm then going to assume you are "legally" seperated?

    Legal separation is an alternative to divorce in which the court will adjudicate all of the issues normally handled in a divorce (property division, spousal support/alimony, child custody, visitation, and child support) but does not terminate the marriage.  It is something typically done by folks who have religious objections to divorce or who want to preserve one spouse's ability to remain insured through the other spouse's employment.  Mississippi (the state identified in the OP's profile) does not have any provision for legal separation.  That being the case, it seems that you are confusing "legal separation" with simply being separated.  Since there is no legal separation in Mississippi, the reference to being "'legally' separated" doesn't mean anything.  That the OP and her husband are separated has no particular legal significance, except that it could allow for divorce based on desertion, but that's neither here nor there as it relates to any obligation to provide care for a spouse.

  • Tue, Jan 19 2016 1:10 PM In reply to

    • CJ
      Consumer
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    • Joined on Mon, Aug 2 1999
    • CA
    • Posts 1,717

    Re: Seperated, Husband had a Stroke, etc.

    Completely agree ca19lawyer2.  When I said "legal" I was compairing it to him just moving out without filing anything.  I've heard more people say they're "seperated" but really aren't because they didn't file with the courts. If one spouse just up and moves out, that doesnt' mean they're seperated correct?

    Thanks for always keeping me informed. :-)

     

  • Fri, Jan 29 2016 4:30 AM In reply to

    Re: Seperated, Husband had a Stroke, etc.

    Some states don't have "legal separation" ( PA.)

  • Fri, Jan 29 2016 10:45 AM In reply to

    Re: Seperated, Husband had a Stroke, etc.

    CJ:
    I've heard more people say they're "seperated" but really aren't because they didn't file with the courts. If one spouse just up and moves out, that doesnt' mean they're seperated correct?

    Depends on the applicable state law and whether the person using the term is using it in a legal context or is speaking colloquially.  Colloquially, and sometimes legally, spouses not living together are indeed "separated," and whether a divorce (or anything else) has been filed doesn't really impact that.  By way of example, in California, the marital community terminates when the parties are "separated," which means not living together with the intent not to reunite.  That's important for purposes of property division, and there have been cases in which married persons lived separately but were held not to be "separated" until some later date because the initial separation was not accompanied by an intent not to reunite (i.e., was a "trial separation").  I assume (but don't know for sure) that at least some other states have laws of similar effect.

  • Mon, Feb 15 2016 10:46 AM In reply to

    • speee1dy
      Consumer
    • Top 200 Contributor
    • Joined on Wed, Nov 12 2008
    • Posts 205

    Re: Seperated, Husband had a Stroke, etc.

    my ex husband ( seperated at the time, he had  a new girlfriend and 2 more children ) had a stroke in maryland.. we were still married at the time legally. he ended up in a nursing home until he died. the 2 children, even while he was in the nursing home ( for at least 6 years ) received child support through the state. he was obviously not working at al. after his death, they received support as surviving children.

     

    i was not responsible for anything related to his care even though we were still married . 

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