17 year old daughter wants to refuse a visit to her father

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Latest post Tue, May 2 2017 9:43 AM by ca19lawyer2. 10 replies.
  • Tue, Aug 16 2016 7:44 PM

    • bulldawg112
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    17 year old daughter wants to refuse a visit to her father

    My daughter is currently 17 years old and is only 10 weeks from her 18th birthday.  There is a specific event that she wants to be a part of that takes place on her father's parenting weekend.  Two weeks ago, I tried emailing him and requesting that we switch parenting weekends so that all three of our children could attend the event, he responded by saying the event has no impact for the boys so they could not switch, but he would allow our daughter to switch.  I did not reply to confirm this arrangement, but discussed it with my daughter and we made plans based on that idea.  Yesterday, he emailed again stating that he wanted to switch all three children for the weekend I had requested with another weekend later in September.  My daughter already has prior plans for that weekend, so I informed him that I would be willing to let the boys switch, but our daughter would not be able to.  He replied by stating if the switch could not happen for all three children, then there was no agreement.

    Long story, short.  My daughter really wants to be present for the event that will be taking place on her father's upcoming weekend.  What will happen to her or to me if she refuses to go with him for his scheduled parenting time?  It is important to note that she has never actively refused to go to her father's (although she is not usually happy about it), but she is counting the days until she turns 18 and has the choice whether to see her father or not.

  • Tue, Aug 16 2016 8:50 PM In reply to

    • DOCAR
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    Re: 17 year old daughter wants to refuse a visit to her father

    Nothing could happen to your daughter, but you could be found in contempt for violating the order, if he pushes it. That could men anything from a strong reprimand from the judge to a fine. I doubt jail would be an option, unless this is a repeated action, which you said it was not.;

  • Tue, Aug 16 2016 9:33 PM In reply to

    • bulldawg112
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    Re: 17 year old daughter wants to refuse a visit to her father

    In a somewhat related situation, I have another question about parenting time issues.  Does one parent have the right to determine what the children can or can't do during their scheduled time with the other parent?  For example, one of my children is interested in starting up in TaeKwonDo again, an activity that their father was opposed to during the process of the divorce.  I would not expect the child to attend classes during his scheduled parenting time, but I would take him to classes during mine.  I also would not be expecting the other parent to pay for any of these classes, that responsibility is solely mine.

     

  • Tue, Aug 16 2016 10:08 PM In reply to

    • bulldawg112
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    Re: 17 year old daughter wants to refuse a visit to her fath...

    In the past he has often talked about how people he knows on the local police force.  Could he call the cops to forcibly pick her up and bring her to his place?

  • Wed, Aug 17 2016 7:40 AM In reply to

    Re: 17 year old daughter wants to refuse a visit to her fath...

    Honestly stop listening to him. Cops are reluctant to get involved with family court matters. This is civil not criminal. too be honest since she is so close to her 18th birthday I would risk it and just let her not go to her Dad's. Dad is being a jerk. The courts will likely listen to the child at this age if he were to take it to court. When she turns 18 she can stop visiting all together which may happen since Dad doesnt seem to care what she wants.

    If the cops happen to show up, Just tell her this is not criminal and you will deal with this in family court if needed.

     

  • Wed, Aug 17 2016 9:14 AM In reply to

    Re: 17 year old daughter wants to refuse a visit to her father

    This is something two (supposed) adults need to work out.  We can't predict what will happen if your child "refuses" or what the court might do if your ex took the matter to the court.  Given how close your daughter is to turning 18, I suspect nothing will happen.  However, it sounds like you have two younger children, so it's possible that this will impact your relationship going forward.

  • Wed, Aug 17 2016 9:14 AM In reply to

    Re: 17 year old daughter wants to refuse a visit to her father

    bulldawg112:
    Does one parent have the right to determine what the children can or can't do during their scheduled time with the other parent?

    No.

  • Wed, Aug 17 2016 9:16 AM In reply to

    Re: 17 year old daughter wants to refuse a visit to her fath...

    bulldawg112:
    Could he call the cops to forcibly pick her up and bring her to his place?

    Nothing would prevent him from calling and asking and, if he's got a friend who is willing to push boundaries, just about anything is POSSIBLE.

  • Wed, Aug 17 2016 3:33 PM In reply to

    • Drew
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    Re: 17 year old daughter wants to refuse a visit to her father

    I see some logic in dads view of all switch or nobody switches .........



  • Tue, May 2 2017 2:39 AM In reply to

    • anttyl
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    Re: 17 year old daughter wants to refuse a visit to her fath...

    The first thing to remember is that while it's always important to listen to your child's feelings and opinions, spending time with the nonresidential parent is not optional.

    Your child doesn't get to pick and choose when she is going to go or what circumstances will gain his approval. There are days when kids don't want to go to school, but you don't let your child stay home on those days. Similarly, you can't let your child decide to just skip visitation.

    Visitation is more than just a schedule. It is a connection to both parents. And continuing to have a connection with both parents is absolutely essential for your child.

    Children's opinions are important, but not decisive. Children are not old enough or mature enough to hold the authority to decide when and if visitation happens. If you give your child that authority you will confuse and overwhelm him. Your child wants and needs to know that both parents are an unconditional part of his or her life.

    Now that being said, there can be real problems with visitation that lead to a child's refusal to go. Talk to your child and find out why he doesn't want to go. Often it's just a general annoyance with the other parent or a vague sense of dissatisfaction. This isn't good news, but it isn't bad news either. You have to remember that it will pass.

     

  • Tue, May 2 2017 9:43 AM In reply to

    Re: 17 year old daughter wants to refuse a visit to her fath...

    anttyl:
    The first thing to remember is that. . . .

    Actually, the first thing to remember is that this thread is nine months old, which means the child mentioned in the original post is now an adult, so the issue is moot.  Also, these are LEGAL message boards, and nothing in your response addresses any legal issue.

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