Okay, she has been speaking to a counselo who told her and I quote "if you go to Al-anon, it's like waiting for your son to die, because Al-anon is all about YOU and they won't help the alcoholic".
I told her "but you have no control over his drinking, you know this" She then told me "listen, he's my son, I want to be able to help myself deal with this and MAYBE then I'll be able to speak his language and get through to him" I had no idea what she meant until she explained further.
She has been talking to some kind of counseling service who told her that she has to learn SOME KIND OF LANGUAGE to get through to her alcoholic son. Only when she learns this language, she might have a shot at reaching him. I told her "he's been up in his room for 5 months and drinking, what kind of language is this person talking about?" She said "Well, I have to go to a two hour session and then we can do sessions on the phone and she will guide me into dealing better with my son's drinking".
I then replied to her (Maybe I was out of line but if this guy goes out and drives while intoxicated, he might kill somebody or if he smokes and drinks in his room he might burn down the house, right?"
I told her "Listen, you have to find a way to remove him from your premises. I know you are afraid he might not speak to you again, you are afraid you might lose him as your son, but your husband has a bad heart and all this stress in your house in not good, you need to contact another landlord/tenant lawyer (she knows several), and go there and speak to them and find out your rights as a property owner. Your son is not behaving as he should be. He is not paying you any rent (he pays no rent), he sneaks down in the middle of the night and raids the refrigerator, or he goes out to eat and comes back). He is not violent but he has this swagger when he does come out of his room like he is saying "what can you do to me, you can't do anything". I told her "honestly, I don't understand how you can even speak to him the way he treats you and she just cries. She wants him out, she wants him to seek help. No one is helping her and honestly, the marrige is in trouble over this. The father is constantly screaming at the guy to get out of the room and go back to work.
I think that the time will come when she will reach the end of her limit, when she has cried enough tears, or when the guy comes down and verbally abuses her, and he just calls the cops and says "my son is drunk and abusive, get him out". Maybe the judge will then put him in rehab.
Honestly, if something doesn't happen soon, someone in that house is going to have a nervous breakdown, the only thing is I don't know who is going to have it first, the mother or the father. He's already had one heart attack and an aneurysm. He's 67, not well and they all walk around egg shells because they never told the young man he was adopted until a few months ago. Now he is throwing it in their faces.
It must be very very hard to even imagine throwng your drunken son out on the street.
I just thought some of you might have faced this and I just wanted to know how you handled the situation.