Being threatened by siblings

Previous | Next
 rated by 0 users
Latest post Thu, Jul 3 2014 8:35 PM by bluesparrow. 21 replies.
  • Mon, Jan 15 2007 7:08 PM

    Question [=?] Being threatened by siblings

    I am the youngest of 4 siblings and my mother asked me to tend to her financial dealings, take care of her will, gave me her POA and named me executor of her will. She is living in assisted living and aside from some memory lapses, she's in good shape and should live a long time.

    My sister suggested we take part of mother's money and shield it from Medicaid should mother need to go into nursing home care. I contacted two Elder Law attorneys who told me the same thing. They suggested my mother gift me the money, I put it into a separate account, add a codicil to my will stating it goes to her should I pre-decease her. Now that I have things rolling in this direction, my sisters are going ballistic.

    They sent a letter to the attorney and a copy to my mother basically saying I've bamboozled my mother into doing this and that they're going to sue me for abusing my POA. They're also claiming they're going to ask for a competency hearing for my mother.

    I've done nothing outside the powers granted in the POA. I've invested her money in conservative mutual funds and CDs. I've accounted for every dime spent. My mother just had a new will drawn up as we could not find the original of her previous one and the lawyer who did it had no questions or qualms about her competency to do this.

    Do my sisters have a leg to stand on? All I'm seeing is greed. They've hinted numerous times that they think I'm stealing from our mohter. I purchased a new house last year and they wondered where I got the money. Working hard and saving has never occured to them. All they are concerned with is how much they will inherit when mother dies.

    Help!
  • Mon, Jan 15 2007 9:47 PM In reply to

    • J B1
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on Sun, Jan 14 2007
    • Posts 3

    re: Being threatened by siblings

    It seems to me that everything looks OK. Execpt I would put the money that is shielded in all the siblings names. That would make them feel better. Also, if you could have full disclosure with your siblings this would let them see for themselves where all the assets are. i e: bank statements, investments, wills etc... I think Not having full disclosure is a problem!

    See Post:
    Father & Son Small Business.
  • Mon, Jan 15 2007 11:54 PM In reply to

    • Drew
      Consumer
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Thu, Mar 30 2000
    • PA
    • Posts 51,417

    re: Being threatened by siblings

    No, what you are doing is in a dark grey area of law--as POA you should not be hiding moms assets under your name--like it or not they need to be out there for Medicaid to grab and its taboo for POA to line own pockets even with best of intent. (add a grain of salt)

    However if Mom has the marbles for her to make gifts is OK.

    What your sisters want is to cheat the public and move moms assets to a place so that they get a cut? Sure, its legal to cut down Mom's exposure to Medicaid--but sisters cannot have things both ways.

    Hey, Mom is legally free to write them 100% out of hte will and gift you 100% of everything now!

    I can uderstand the possibilitythat you might get sticky fingers --in sisters views. However, there are limited ways in which Mom an gift if away so as to avoid the 5 year Medicaid lookback but still have access to the funds if she needs them.

    Sisters appear to be 101% worried about their inheritance? Well just leave it to Medicaid!

    Were I Mom I'd take assertive steps to insulate my assets from greedy kids--use legal counsel. A trust may be one tool. The daughters true colors are now flying and things will get worse!



  • Tue, Jan 16 2007 1:45 AM In reply to

    re: Being threatened by siblings

    Putting the money in all the sibings' names might sound like a good idea but you don't know my sisters. They don't have a pot to piss in, have a past history of bankruptcies, unpaid loans and general financial disaster. If mom gifts them money, she might as well kiss it goodbye.

    As for full disclosure, they know the full amount of mom's investment account plus how much she gets from SS each month. But beyond that, she's told me not to give them any further information because she doesn't want them to know.

    Even if I gave them full disclosure, they'd still swear I'd cooked the books to hide money somewhere.
  • Tue, Jan 16 2007 1:56 AM In reply to

    re: Being threatened by siblings

    I've about decided my sisters are so worried I'll take the money and run that they'd rather let mom become penniless and a ward of the state.

    My biggest concern is that if I leave things as they are and she ends up in nursing home care and all her money is used up and she becomes dependent on Medicaid and is a ward of the state, somehow my siblings and I will be looked to for further financial support of mom. And I can tell you now that if mom's money is all gone and there's nothing in it for my sisters, there will be no financial help from them. As I said in a previous post, they aren't the most fiscally responsible adults in the world. I doubt they have $1000 combined in their savings accounts. Through the years they've borrowed money from mom and never repaid. I know, my mom is as guilty as they for loaning to them in the first place. She chose me to have the POA because she said I was the only one of her children that she trusted to do the right thing.

    Quite honestly, I wish she'd write us all out of her will. I don't want nor expect anything from her. My sisters, OTOH, feel entitled to an inheritance.

    They've vowed to ask for a competency hearing if the POA allowing me gifting privileges goes through. I keep telling myself the attorney wouldn't draw up the POA if she felt my mother was incompetent, just as the other attorney made sure mom knew what she was doing when she drafted a new will last year. In that vein, I try to convince myself that my sister's legal moves would be thwarted before they could even begin.

    I don't want to put mom through a competency hearing. I just wish she hadn't had to receive a letter from her own daughters -- a letter that basically called me a thief and said she was too incompetent to handle her own affairs. She told me when we set this all up that she COULD handle it herself; she just didn't want to because she wants to enjoy life. Sad that my sisters keep screwing up her enjoyment.
  • Tue, Jan 16 2007 10:29 AM In reply to

    • Drew
      Consumer
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Thu, Mar 30 2000
    • PA
    • Posts 51,417

    re: Being threatened by siblings

    Given that you are dealing with a bunch of greedy snakes I'd act more assertively!

    Caution, from what I read a POA which has a self gifting provision in it is on very shaky legal grounds!
    The wisdom I read is thatsomeone else has yet a 2d DPOA with very narrow powers to just make gifts to others OR that for any self gifts one goes to gat care to make sure Mom makes the gift and not the POA (OK for now but what if Moms capacity fails?)

    Also it may well be possible to draft a DPOA such that it contains Moms request as to her choice of custodian if it gets to that--guess who she names.

    You'll get different opinions but from what I see in some facilities the folks on Medicaid get the same level of dubious care as do the folks ( My Mom and MIL ) paying full retail. So to deliberately set the stage to meet the Medicaid thresholds INSIDE the complex legal rules we have is not a bad thing to consider. But to structure Moms affairs to accomodate a couple of deadbeat kids is not the way I'd lean.



  • Tue, Jan 16 2007 12:32 PM In reply to

    • LisaQ
      Consumer
    • Top 50 Contributor
    • Joined on Thu, Nov 11 2004
    • Posts 2,304

    re: Being threatened by siblings

    Every parent knows which of their kids are best able to handle money and manage it wisely.
    Your mom has made her decision and chosen what she knows is best.

    If your mom is still able to sign, draft a letter or have her verbally communicate to the sisters that she has directed you to not give them any further information. Mom shouldn’t make you the fall guy.
  • Tue, Jan 16 2007 12:43 PM In reply to

    re: Being threatened by siblings

    I'm not sure what kind of elder law attorneys you've been dealing with, but your mother gifting money to you is transparent as heck and a bad idea. Did *she* sign over the money to you or did you use the POA? Was it within the year's $12k gift limit such that she didn't have to file a tax return?

    That said, it was a very good idea to put gift $$$ in a separate account, since Medicaid would consider her ineligible for coverage to the tune of however much she gifted you if she needs Medicaid within the next 5 years. So you'd need that money for her care for the time period she's deemed ineligible.

    If your mom has virtually all her marbles, she should be the one talking with estate planning attorneys.

    She may also need some money to fight the kids trying to get a conservator appointed.

    I trust she's done a living will/advanced health care directive and named you as choice for guardian/conservator should the need arise.

  • Tue, Jan 16 2007 3:57 PM In reply to

    re: Being threatened by siblings

    That 5 year lookback is the very reason I don't trust my sisters. I'll put the money in a place where it will be accessible should mom need nursing home care before 5 years are up. My sisters would take it and go to Vegas. I will be calling the elder law attorney later today or tomorrow to discuss this issue and see what her advice is. I really want to spare mom the indignity of a competency hearing.

    And yes, she's done an advanced health care directive and named me guardian. I'm sure my sisters will have their opinions on that too. I still suspect one of them of having the original of her old will. Boy will they be surprised when I pull out the new one. It's the same -- divides everything equally -- but she changed the per stirpes part so that if one of my sisters pre-deceases mom, her share goes to me and the other sister, not to any grandchildren. When mom talked with the lawyer who drew up the will, that's the way she wanted it. Seems my sisters' kids are as selfish and greedy as they are.

    I like that idea of having mom write them a letter expressly stating her wishes as far as their getting information. I'm so sick of having to structure what's best for my mother around what will appease my sisters. They borrowed money from her for years and never paid it back. They stole things from her house after she moved to assisted living. They made no attempt to help me clean the house out and sell it. But one did ask me what happened to the expensive coffeemaker she gave mom for Christmas. Ha!
  • Tue, Jan 16 2007 4:15 PM In reply to

    re: Being threatened by siblings

    I trust your mom has included in the will, or might want to add a codicil, directives specifically referring to previous loans to the siblings and that they should be repaid out of the siblings' respective shares of inheritance if not repaid to her before her death.

    "They stole things from her house after she moved to assisted living."

    You-your mother is free to pursue the return of these personal items (not to mention contact the police).
  • Tue, Jan 16 2007 4:49 PM In reply to

    • Drew
      Consumer
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Thu, Mar 30 2000
    • PA
    • Posts 51,417

    re: Being threatened by siblings

    Hey for that matter why didn't Mom cut way down on the share to the greedy gals?



  • Tue, Jan 16 2007 5:35 PM In reply to

    re: Being threatened by siblings

    Two wills ago, she had a clause that directed my sisters to repay their loans, but she decided to write off the loans and divide everything equally. And I will discuss with her about the items they took from the house.
  • Tue, Jan 16 2007 5:47 PM In reply to

    re: Being threatened by siblings

    Because she's being too nice and I really don't think she's aware of the level of their greed. I've not told her a lot of what's gone on just to keep from upsetting her. However, now she knows they think I'm a thief and that she's incompetent. She may decide to change some things since they think so little of her.
  • Wed, Jan 17 2007 8:52 AM In reply to

    • Drew
      Consumer
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Thu, Mar 30 2000
    • PA
    • Posts 51,417

    re: Being threatened by siblings

    Suggestion: Get it changed while she is still clearly competent.

    Better yet, gether to move it out of her name and into your name while she is still competent



  • Thu, Jan 18 2007 10:11 AM In reply to

    re: Being threatened by siblings

    Thanks to all of you for your comments. I think the most important thing for me to do know is sit mom down and explain how the sisters have been acting. I have emails and other letters going back two years that show their attitude and hopefully it will wake mom up.

    Latest development is that my sisters talked to mom about going on a family vacation -- a week at the beach. They seem to forget however that mom hates the beach. But the real kicker was they wanted mom to pay for the whole thing. Geez Louise! WE should be the ones treating mom to a vacation, not the other way around.
Page 1 of 2 (22 items) 1 2 Next > | RSS

My Community

Community Membership New Users: Search Community