Ex suing for custody

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Latest post Mon, Feb 27 2006 9:39 PM by bleu232. 3 replies.
  • Mon, Feb 27 2006 5:08 PM

    Question [=?] Ex suing for custody

    My ex has decided he wants to sue for full custody. We currently have joint and have had for the past 3 years.

    My 10 year old daughter was snooping around my computer and saw some pics I had on there. Some were a record of my augmentation, others were racier....given to a boyfriend.

    First of all, I understand the stupidity of having such pictures around, but I never thought she'd snoop through my computer and find them. Now I know why I would wake in the mornings and my computer be off. She had been on it, so she must have lied when I asked them who had been using it. Not unusual at all. She lies a lot and I've tried to get to to stop. Adamic nature, I guess.

    She told her grandmother about the pics, who in turn told my ex. Now he is threatening to sue me because he claims there are pics of me on the internet and I'm selling myself...none of which is true. She has gone to them before with things that weren't true. I think she must do it for the attention. Her sister told them I'd given them beer, when in fact it was root beer. She finally told the truth, but the damage was already done. They are keeping record of everything these kids say, truth or not. The kids are questioned after their stays with me and records are made of every comment, every lie, every half-truth as though they were the Gospel. And I know they like the attention, especially the oldest one.

    She and her 6 year old sister told me they do not want to live with him full-time. He is offering to take the kids full time with me having visitation on every other weekend and one day a week. No child support to be paid to him. Holidays stay the same. I don't want to do that. I won't give it to him. He'll have to sue me. Right now, we see the kids every other week.

    There are no pics of me on the internet. She never told him they were on the internet. She said she saw them just on my computer (they were in my pictures file). He just made it out to be worse than it really is, which he does quite frequently. They were deleted even before I knew she'd seen them.

    Does going out with friends on my own time and giving pics to my boyfriend constitute being a bad parent? The kids have never been exposed to anything I do of an adult nature (having a drink, my dating relationships since my break up from my fiance) until now.

    He's complained about more as if he's perfect. What if sometimes I bring them to him on Sunday at 9 instead of 8:30? The set time in the papers is later and he NEVER picks them up or drops them off like HE'S supposed to. What if I have commitments to my job and offer him first right of refusal when I need someone to watch them for the evening or the week? If he wants to go to a race or a game, he does it on his weeks and he makes me cancel my plans to keep them. At least my commitments are for my work, not pleasure.

    Most importantly....What happens now that she's seen these pics if we go to court? He's trying to make me out to be a bad parent, and I'm not. I do everything I can for them. They have rules at my house and they don't like it and they complain to him about it, but I try to be a good parent. They don't have the same rules elsewhere. So they don't always like it at my house.

    Will a judge say I'm a bad mother and give him custody? I can't afford to fight him. I have no money and can't afford an attorney, but he can. How do I get out of this one?
  • Mon, Feb 27 2006 5:19 PM In reply to

    • Violet1
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on Mon, Feb 13 2006
    • Posts 54

    Warning [=*#] re: Ex suing for custody

    Please hire an attorney. Start making some calls and find someone who's affordable. What you think and what he (ex) thinks is irrelevant -- what a judge will think matters. Don't think that you can just get out of this. From what you are saying that they're keeping records, they're serious about it. In the meantime, set up parental controls on your computer and/or passwords. Good luck!
  • Mon, Feb 27 2006 6:03 PM In reply to

    re: Ex suing for custody

    You sound like you may be panicking. You are still mom; continue to behave like a normal mom. So she saw a couple of pictures of you. Other than being deeply embarrassing, who was harmed?

    Maybe sit down with her and have a chat. Something like, "sounds like you saw the pictures of mom's surgery, bet that freaked you out a little huh?" Then maybe, "I wanted to make sure I didn't freak you out like that again, so I've put a password on the computer. Now, if you want computer time, just let me know what you want to do and how long you'll be on, then I'll sign you in."

    She's playing games with the truth and with causing chaos because it’s working. She has parents ready to react to anything, how exciting for her. You cant controll the exciting reactions she gets from Grandma and Dad, but stop letting her get to you and start parenting her.

    I'm pretty sure no one ever got their kids taken away from them for this, but it wouldn't be the first time that a judge saw evidence of a joint residential schedule being harmful to children who need more consistancy and limits. If you and your ex can't get along and co-parent, it may come down to a judge deciding to award primary residential custody to the parent who is the most fit in ALL ways, not just who left post-surgery and flashy pictures of themself on their home computer.
  • Mon, Feb 27 2006 9:39 PM In reply to

    • bleu232
    • Top 500 Contributor
    • Joined on Sat, Jan 10 2004
    • IL
    • Posts 70

    Feedback [*=*] hi five jillybean

    I couldnt agree more. Get an attorney for what? You have joint custody and visitation set up for the kids. Stick to that, that is a court order.

    Sounds like the kids have learned some pretty good games from mom and dad playing there's.

    The only way to win the game,,,is not to play.

    So she seen pictures of you on your computer, next week she may walk in on dad in the shower. Such is life.

    I would worry more about her lying. For every behavior there is a conscience and she would have some things taken off her for every lie she told.

    Dont be afraid to disapline the kids just because they may run off and tell a tall story. Kids want to have structure. Be the best mother you can be
    He can go in and say what ever he wants to a judge. Remember, judges have heard more games play'd then have been play'd on you. They are not stupid and this wont be there first rodeo. Give the judges more credit then that. Good luck
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