Tell me what I can do!

I have my two children spend quality time with me during the week, they love being with me, especially my 6yr. old little boy. I am having a problem, when it comes time for him to go back to his mother, he does not want to go. He will throw a tantrum,crying, screaming saying that he wants to stay with me. Today was a big one, as his mother and I met half way. He did not want to stay in her car. He kept crying for me, begging me to bring him back to my Mom's home where I am staying now for a while until I can get my place. His mother was very angry because our son did not want to go with her. She took him from my arms, told me to 'just go'.cussing me out and as she tried to leave angrily she sped off and my child almost fell out of the car. As I was seeing this happen, I got very upset got to stop her car by going in front of her car, told her off, slammed her door and kicked her car(which I shouldn't have done. In my mind, I saw my little boy being run down by this mad woman and that really got me upset. My son has had these tantrums lately. He told me last time that he disliked her new boyfriend, that he had twisted his arm and that was why he did not like the man. I called his mother to talk to him and ask him if he was o.k., the boyfriend answered telling me that I was not talking to my son, which got me angry, of course, I asked him who was he to tell me that I could not speak to my son? Then after a little while my son got on the phone and I was able to ask him how he was. The last few months the mother and I were together, she was having problems, she was on medication for depression, I think she may be Bi-polar because she is okay one day and the next few days she is a monster. It was mostly like this in our marriage. So we ended up getting a separation and hopefully will be divorced soon, cannot live this way anymore, I feel bad for my kids, they are the ones that suffer. Thank you for any advice you can give.me.

look into the possibility of psych evals for both the mother and the child during the divorce and custody proceedings. My husband and I are going through the same thing with his 3 year old. When mom sees that the little girl doesn't want to come home (she absolutely adores her new sister) she starts telling the daughter that her daddy doesn't love her because he has a new baby. Then uses the upset to justify not letting my husband see his daughter. She is also remarried. The little girl has said that the new husband hits her in the face but unless she is black and blue and since she is only 3 CPS wont do anything. New husband also bad mouthes dad in front of little girl all the time. We were told a psych eval would be the best option.

Hi,
It sounds like both of you are putting on quite a show for the little guy. I would suggest to make things easier on him for you to drop him off at a neutral place where he perhaps will not have the emotional distress of you leaving and mom picking him up - perhaps a relatives, or a church. You bring the child there, leave and then mom comes to get him. The scenario you describe sounds very painful for him.

If you feel that the boyfriend is doing things to your son that is hurtful, I believe you can request that he not be present when the child is home. From what you said, you are not divorced as yet, so I don't know what she is doing with a boyfriend living there anyway. That alone would be scary for a 6yo even if he was a super guy!

You have to be very careful though, on how you approach this - you can discuss in court the living situation in her home, but you can't run mom down personally. She is entitled to make friends and live her life as she wants, just as you are. If you should file for custody, your main focus is the effect of her lifestyle on your son - that is my suggestion.

Sue :)

Hi emilyrbolton,

I was considering a psych eval for my older daughter because she has made comments about her dad like she is scared of him because he yells & says things to her that make her scared to tell him the truth of how she is feeling. She has a lot of anxiety over our upcoming divorce and where that will put her as far as visiting him. She said she sometimes trys to think of ways to leave if she has to visit him. I have her in counseling at our church but have been told that she should probably see a psych for an evaluation with all her anxiety she has. Have you done that with your husband's daughter yet? Can you tell me a little more about psych evals? What are the benefits to having it done? When would you suggest to have it done? I know that divorce is not easy especially for the children (they suffer the most) and I expect her to have feelings about it just not sure if I should put her through all that.

Thanks!

Just a couple of notes regarding the psych evaluation.

1. If you request it, you may be required to pay for it. Psych evaluations can run into thousands of dollars.

2. A Psych eval is not one sided. Your ex (and her new boyfriend) will not be the only person(s) evaluated. If you request one, you (and your significant other if you have one) will also be required to participate in an evaluation as well.


Do your homework.

Hi there,

I was not talking about a psych eval for the EX but for the child who is afraid of her dad and has a lot of anxiety about having to go to see him. She is scared because he yells and intimidates to get her to do what he wants or to say what he wants. Is it different if the child is the one that has the eval done?

Thanks!

emilyrbolton suggested a psych evaluation for both the child AND the mother.
My note was really in addition to her answer.

I should have posted under her answer so as not to confuse anyone. For that I apologize.

So as not to further hijack this thread, perhaps you should start another one just for your questions regarding your child.