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There ought to be a law re Medical POA reporting

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Latest post Wed, Sep 20 2006 2:35 PM by There ought to be a law. 8 replies.
  • Wed, Aug 30 2006 2:41 PM

    Angry [:@] There ought to be a law re Medical POA reporting

    From Pennsylvania.

    My mother is 85 years old with multiple ailments which require her to have round the clock care. She is currently in a nursing home. My overbearing brother David had stonewalled my mother into making him her POA and medical POA 8 years ago. My mother has always been a weak woman. My brother has bullied all six other kids at one point or another throughout our lives. As the youngest daughter, I got the worst of the bullying, and my parents never kicked him out of the house or did anything to stop him. My father is deceased. My brother would never be voted in as the person to handle my mother's affairs by the other six siblings in a million years because he turns everything into an argument with each of us, and I mean everything. He acts like a martyr because he says that he does everything, but he won't let anyone help him, no kidding. My sister isn't allowed to do my mom's laundry, because he wants to do it; no one can take mom to her appointments because he has to do it, and so forth. Everyone is supposed to report to him before they visit mom so that he can have a "break" because he visits her everyday, but if you do what he says and call to let him know that you will be visiting, he will visit mom anyway and be there when you show up. He thinks that nobody cares about mom but him, but he alienates everyone and talks down to everyone, and his reputation precedes him. We often feel that he holds our mother hostage. His thing is that we must all visit mom and check the calendar on her wall, that he is "done" communicating with us in any other way, because nobody cares but him. There are six other people involved here who do care. When I emailed him regarding mom's appointments so that I can be sure that she will be there when I arrive, I am emailed that I need to check the bulletin board or call him on the day I intend to visit, and then he will tell me if it is a "good day" or a "bad day" to visit. We are not supposed to talk to mom's doctors, or the staff at the nursing home, or there is hell to pay. Frankly, I do not want to speak with him, and feel great resentment that my mom set things up this way. I found out that my mom had been in and out of the hospital for three days by , when I went late in the week to visit her one time and ran into him at the the nursing home. I found out that mom had problems with her kidneys six months after the problems started, because he withheld information from us until he was ready to report it. He recently removed mom from the nursing home for a week's vacation and didn't tell anyone. It is outrageous. I have had it up to here with his *?#@!!! There ought to be a law that makes the medical POA report to the family via weekly emails the medical status of their family member, or else there will be daily steep fines for that person to pay. Please let me know if anybody knows of any power that children other than the medical POA has regarding their parent's care. Thank you.
  • Wed, Aug 30 2006 4:01 PM In reply to

    re: There ought to be a law re Medical POA reporting

    I think instead of "stonewall", you mean "coerced" or "bullied".

    I'm afraid the boards here aren't set up for the purpose of venting. You'd probably be better off lobbying your state representatives. If you have a general question ...?

    If you believe elder abuse is going on, you're free to report it to the relevant state agency.

    His having a medical POA does not prevent you from talking with your mom's doctors/providers.

    If you feel he's not doing an adequate job *and* your mother is legally incompetent (doesn't sound like she is), you are free to seek conservatorship over your mother and her affairs.

    If your mom and the rest of you won't stand up for yourselves, nothing much will change.
  • Wed, Aug 30 2006 9:17 PM In reply to

    Note [#=#] to There ought to be a law

    Do you have a question? The purpose of these boards is to provide general legal information, not to vent about the current state of affairs.

    Also, when you registered on this site, you agreed to avoid the use of foul language. Saying, "I have had it up to here with his *?#@!!!" still falls in that category. Next time, leave out that sentence, as it adds nothing to your message other than venting your frustration.

    Thank you,

    Community Moderator
  • Thu, Aug 31 2006 2:17 PM In reply to

    re: to There ought to be a law

    Specifically, what rights do siblings have regarding the frequency of being given medical report updates regarding the care of their parent, from the medical POA? My brother reports to us on mom's condition whenever he gets around to it or feels like it, which could be every six months. This is not working for me. We are not supposed to communicate with her doctors directly or speak with the nursing home staff, according to him. His lack of communication is forcing me in that direction, however, I prefer to have the information come from one source. Perhaps, the best solution is to gather from him all of the doctor's names and follow up with them directly, even though this will not go over well with him. Please advise with any legal knowledge or personal ideas; thanks.
  • Thu, Aug 31 2006 2:21 PM In reply to

    re: There ought to be a law re Medical POA reporting

    You have a very keen insight into my family. I completely agree that if the rest of the siblings don't do anything, nothing will change. I am thinking I will take your advice and lobby the Pennsylvania representatives regarding a mandated frequency of medical POA reporting of medical care to the disabled parent's children, as well as to begin a personal dialogue with Mom's doctors in order to garner my own updates. Thanks!
  • Thu, Aug 31 2006 2:24 PM In reply to

    re: to There ought to be a law

    As alluded to earlier, the person with the POA is under no obligation to make reports to any of the family members.

  • Thu, Aug 31 2006 9:40 PM In reply to

    • patrice
    • Top 100 Contributor
    • Joined on Tue, Apr 17 2001
    • CT
    • Posts 483

    Feedback [*=*] re: There ought to be a law re Medical POA reporting

    You believe your brother when he says you have to check with him before you visit; you believe him when he says your sister can't do your mother's laundry, and on and on.

    You are overlooking two key resources.

    One: he is not your mother's only child.

    Two: she is living in a nursing home.

    Nursing homes have visiting hours. so you don't need to get permission from the POA. They also have staff who do patients' laundry.

    More importantly, one of the staff members is a social worker. I would explain the situation to her/him (I'm sure the home is already aware of some of your brother's behavior), and enlist the home in getting a solution to this problem. Perhaps the social worker or the head nurse can be the person you consult on your mother's health issues.

    You are allowing yourself to made angry when it is unnecessary. You are letting your brother call the shots. He is not, repeat not, your mother's only child.

    One of the things you and your siblings can do is arrange a conference call with your mother's physician(s) and other health team members at a time convenient for all or most, so that you can all be given the same information at the same time.

    If you allow your brother/POA to control the situation, he will.
  • Tue, Sep 5 2006 2:28 PM In reply to

    • OhioCP
    • Top 50 Contributor
    • Joined on Fri, Feb 20 2004
    • OH
    • Posts 2,570

    re: to There ought to be a law

    Actually, I'm not sure if anyone other than the patient and the patient's designated POA have ANY rights to medical information from the medical providers. Likewise, I don't think a POA holder could be forced to divulge medical information to others unless under court order. HIPAA regulations may very well prevent dessimination of private medical information to third parties. I understand you're frustrated that you aren't receiving the information from your brother, however, your mother did chose him to be her POA. Had she desired someone else to serve as POA, she could have chosen someone else. Likewise, assuming she is of sound mind, she may end the current POA, and enact a new one naming a different individual should she so desire.
  • Wed, Sep 20 2006 2:35 PM In reply to

    re: There ought to be a law re Medical POA reporting

    Thanks for your input. Currently, I am phoning the nursing home directly on the morning I plan to visit my Mom, to see if she has any medical appointments booked for the day. Recently, I brought Mom's laundry home to do, without asking anyone's "permission" (how ridiculous). I will be directly consulting with my Mother's doctors or the healthcare professionals within the nursing homes regarding my Mother's care if updates are not provided to me in a timely fashion.
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