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Latest post Mon, Aug 24 2009 12:10 PM by Tazmerelda. 6 replies.
  • Thu, Aug 13 2009 6:45 PM


    I had a verbal agreement with a "friend" of mine to have a baby with. He agreed originally to just be a sperm donor (i have a witness to this also who we made the agreement in front of) Where i live there are no "sperm banks" so we did the Natural insemination...i got pregnant... i had the baby two weeks ago, now hes trying to recant that he didnt agree to being a sperm donor and wants custody and visitation....ive read that as a sperm donor you dont have any legal rights to the child? can he get visitation or custody?...he did request a DNA test..we did that...it is 99.99% his (obviously) i only agreed to it becuase i was considering holding him responsible for her...

    I honestly dont want this guy involved in the childs life.. i just wanted a baby, not him. I was originally thinking about letting him be apart of the babys life, but i decided against it for many reasons...he now hates me, he harasses me and stresses me out with his name calling...which all are not good for myself or the baby. He was not involved in the pregnancy at all, i delivered the baby all on my own...ive paid for all the nessicary items all on my own.. i have not held him financially responsible at all.....im not sure what to do!

  • Thu, Aug 13 2009 6:57 PM In reply to


    You are going to have to consult legal counsel on this one.  Had you used a sperm bank he would in fact be a legal sperm donor with no rights.  In this case the state may view him as a natural father with all the legal rights even though you both may have originally entered into the agreement differently.  The fact that he was not involved up until now or what he agreed to prior has no bearing.  State law will govern and most likely neither of you could agree to him being merely a "donor." You could also end up setting precedent and spending a ton of money in legal fees.

    Consult local counsel.

    "That's just my opinion, then again I might be wrong."  Dennis Miller


  • Thu, Aug 13 2009 7:17 PM In reply to

    • LynnM
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Mon, Apr 3 2000
    • CA
    • Posts 28,248

    He's the father

    NOT the sperm donor. If you wanted a sperm donor you should have gone somewhere appropriate.

    He has every right to petition the court for a paternity ruling and get visitation and support orders issued.

  • Thu, Aug 13 2009 8:59 PM In reply to


    In order for him to be a sperm donor under the CA Family code, the seman must have been provided to a licensed physician or sperm bank for use in artificial insemination.  Other pre-birth arrangments are not binding.

  • Thu, Aug 13 2009 11:41 PM In reply to

    • Drew
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on Thu, Mar 30 2000
    • PA
    • Posts 51,417


    Laymans take:


    He stands to win on points of getting visitation or even shared custody--if he is the bio dad--law favors dad being involved!!!


    Law/public policy sort of say you cannot contract to deprive child of dads support or involvement which is what you tried to do....you stepped on face of public policy that kids need dads .

    But what YOU can do is seek child support--after all kid need economic support from Dad.


    Kid should suffer just because his parents tried a looney deal!






  • Fri, Aug 14 2009 1:26 PM In reply to

    • JayJoe
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on Sun, Jul 26 2009
    • KY
    • Posts 2


    I'm not sure about CA, but in KY, if the contact doesn't involve the topic of the child in anyway or if you can make it so that he doesn't contact you in anyway, after 6 months you can file abandonment charges on him and his rights will be revoked after a court hearing if he doesn't have an absolutely good reason as to why he hasn't been around. My fiance is doing this with her ex-fiance because it was too late to file rape charges on him. She found out she was 3 months pregnant and after he lied to everyone and denied it even being his, he came after her for a patenity test and visitation to start working towards full custody. At the results hearing she waived child support and so he doesn't have legal visitation rights, but that doesn't mean he can't visit or help financially. It's been a year and a half since he's seen my soon-to-be-son, but had made contact with my fiance back in May, so we have to begin the 6 months all over again.

  • Mon, Aug 24 2009 12:10 PM In reply to

    • Tazmerelda
    • Not Ranked
    • Joined on Mon, Aug 24 2009
    • CA
    • Posts 1


    Hey Jennifer,

    I can relate somewhat! I am a mother of three...all from sperm donors. The first one was my partners daughter whom I adopted and the process went very smoothly. The second time around I got pregnant with the help of a friend by artificial insemmination. He agreed with us in a meeting verbally to give up his rights so my partner could adopt the baby. He also agreed to the baby having the same last name as my daughter which meant his name would not be included. At thetime he was fine with it. 4 years later the adoption never happened, he did not give up his rights and won't, and he is now seeking a name change and paternity to establish custody rights. He is a very active Dad and he loves them (we had twin boys!) very much but this was not what we all agreed to! He has helped me out here and there! At one point when I was resistant to sign any papers he threatened never to talk to me again which would only hurt the boys! I want us all to get along but don't see any other way other than through the court system at this point. He is their Father and sadly, even though it is not what we all agreed to, he has rights!

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